Venting My parents found out I am suicidal and contacted my psychiatrist and told her everything and scheduled an emergency appointment tomorrow

[nux_walpurgis]

I am fucked.

I will have to talk to her about my suicidal ideation now, and I am afraid she will not take me seriously because I am not depressed.

How do I make her understand that this life and especially my future as an adult is indifferent, brings me only stress and tiredness and the prospect of having a life that everyone considers normal and inevitable and concluded, a life with a 9-5 job and no extended holidays and not enough free time, just isn't worth the effort for me.

I fear she will tell that I am no one special that should require exceptions and this is the life countless of people live on this earth and others have it even way worse, and I will have to just suck it up and deal with it.

Goodness, I don't even know what my parents are going to think about me now that they know I am suicidal. They brought everything upon me and I hate that I have to turn to them for help and I hate that they now know how vulnerable I am.

I wanted them to know the least amount possible of my private life and now they know my deepest and darkest secret. Everything is derailing dear God have mercy

 

[SixNeufUn]

You all my support OP. I have no idea what to say without putting myself into problems.

My older sister discovered it and talked about it to my parents and they just called me yesterday and are taking 'measures'(idk it makes sense in french) for me. I hate that they know, normally we barely talk to each other like once a month at best and its only when they call. I have been planning to do it secretly and know its fucked up. I just bought my SN the same day and don't know what will happen next and if my sister will monitor my every moves if I am still here.

You couldn't say it better. That's exactly how I feel for years.