My problem with virginity...

[new.solution1]

I'm a straight male. I don't like the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age. That means you will never date someone who is a virgin. That means that whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past. And they have fucked her before. Do other people feel this way?

 

[Manaaja]

Are you lesbian or how do you know when girls lose their virginities? Besides. Date yourself and you will always date a virgin. Unless you masturbate, then you lose your virginity to yourself.

 

[new.solution1]

Are you lesbian or how do you know when girls lose their virginities? Besides. Date yourself and you will always date a virgin. Unless you masturbate, then you lose your virginity to yourself.

I'm a straight male. Pretty much all girls are not virgins by the time they reach legal age.

 

[Cathy Ames]

It's quite an interesting double standard that certain males have. Why, it's almost as if women are not fully equal or don't deserve bodily autonomy or something like that.

I'm a straight male. Pretty much all girls are not virgins by the time they reach legal age.

Like what is your ideal situation here? You wish to go forward in life despoiling virgins? Women are "single use" only and then to be disposed of? WTF?!

 

[Silenos]

 

[Manaaja]

I'm a straight male. Pretty much all girls are not virgins by the time they reach legal age.

Would be nice to be someone's first you mean?

I don't really care if someone has had sex before or not, but I wouldn't like if they compared me to their exes. And I think our relationship would feel less special. I'm a romantic and I like the idea of "one true love" but it wouldn't feel like one true love if they had dated like ten people before me. And I'd fear I wouldn't be as good as their exes. I mean, if they broke up with their exes, what would prevent them from breaking up with me? Just like if someone has divorced five times they are much more likely to divorce again compared to someone who has only divorced once.

But on the other hand, if that person's previous spouses/significant others were bad, they'd probably be much more able to appreciate the good things about me. Like if their previous spouses were bad listeners, they'd appreciate my listening. Or if their exes never took them on romantic holidays, they'd love it even more if I did.

Hmm, I guess both options have pluses and minuses.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I don't like the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age. That means you will never date someone who is a virgin. That means that whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past who have fucked her before. Do other people feel this way?

I will point out that it's also as bad that men (or non-binary, etc) are not virgins, as well. At this moment, I doubt there is any difference at all between men and women psychologically with this.

I just don't see how you could have a good relationship after attaching and detaching to so many people (1+). Also, purely emotionally/instinctively, I wouldn't feel great about my wife having gotten pounded by another guy before meeting me (much less six or seven). Not that it's of any concern to me, dying a virgin and all that (I am an autistic NEET). Still, if an "experienced" woman wanted a relationship with me, I'd definitely try to fix my broken penis, get a job or education, etc. Could probably work if I used a lot of meditation/psychological tricks to get it out of my head.

 

[new.solution1]

It's quite an interesting double standard that certain males have. Why, it's almost as if women are not fully equal or don't deserve bodily autonomy or something like that.

Like what is your ideal situation here? You wish to go forward in life despoiling virgins? Women are "single use" only and then to be disposed of? WTF?!

This has nothing to do with "bodily autonomy" or equality at all. People, both male and female, can do what they want, lose their virginity at whatever age. It just sucks for me that the fact is, girls for the most part lose their virginity before legal age. Once a girl reaches legal age and is datable, I would have to deal with emotional baggage, and the thought of her being fucked by other guys in her past. I never said any such thing that women are "single use" only, I am interested in girls that are not virgins.

Don't make this into a gender thing, that was not what I was going for here.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

I'm a straight male. I don't like the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age. That means you will never date someone who is a virgin. That means that whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past. And they have fucked her before. Do other people feel this way?

I sympathize with how you feel. I didn't care about female virginity in a possible partner until I read a story when I was 22 where the male lead falls in love with a prostitute. I thought he was emotionally strong to love her with her past and try as I might to follow his lead, I found myself thinking I would abandon her if I were him. For the first time I began thinking virginity was important (before this I didn't as I actually confessed to a girl that had had a long-time boyfriend). For years I was influenced to distance myself from people who didn't meet my standards of purity.

I bring this up to tell you that as you grow older those strong feelings may fade as they have for me. I'm assuming you are fairly young. Those feelings aren't necessarily wrong or bad but personally I've come to think that they don't matter. I think finding someone with whom you can be close and appreciate is important for long-hauling life as even people who prefer solitude begin feeling lonely sooner or later.

 

[new.solution1]

View attachment 89095

Please keep this on topic. If you are posting this picture because you thought the same to my post as @Cathy Ames, look at my response to her.

Would be nice to be someone's first you mean?

I don't really care if someone has had sex before or not, but I wouldn't like if they compared me to their exes. And I think our relationship would feel less special. I'm a romantic and I like the idea of "one true love" but it wouldn't feel like one true love if they had dated like ten people before me. And I'd fear I wouldn't be as good as their exes. I mean, if they broke up with their exes, what would prevent them from breaking up with me? Just like if someone has divorced five times they are much more likely to divorce again compared to someone who has only divorced once.

But on the other hand, if that person's previous spouses/significant others were bad, they'd probably be much more able to appreciate the good things about me. Like if their previous spouses were bad listeners, they'd appreciate my listening. Or if their exes never took them on romantic holidays, they'd love it even more if I did.

Hmm, I guess both options have pluses and minuses.

Exactly, to your first sentence and the paragraph after.

I had a girlfriend who argued that 11 people wasn't a lot. I disagreed.

I will point out that it's also as bad that men (or non-binary, etc) are not virgins, as well. At this moment, I doubt there is any difference at all between men and women psychologically with this.

I just don't see how you could have a good relationship after attaching and detaching to so many people (1+). Also, purely emotionally/instinctively, I wouldn't feel great about my wife having gotten pounded by another guy before meeting me (much less six or seven). Not that it's of any concern to me, dying a virgin and all that (I am an autistic NEET). Still, if an "experienced" woman wanted a relationship with me, I'd definitely try to fix my broken penis, get a job or education, etc. Could probably work if I used a lot of meditation/psychological tricks to get it out of my head.

I agree. I am only talking from the point of view of a straight male because I am one and this is a personal issue of mine.

I had a girlfriend who argued that 11 people wasn't a lot. I disagreed.

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

God, another one of these threads...

 

[Silenos]

Please keep this on topic. If you are posting this picture because you thought the same to my post as @Cathy Ames, look at my response to her.

Only made it worse. Your assumptions about women are ridiculous.

God, another one of these threads...

Please keep this on topic.

 

[walt]

I mean ehh, it's kind of unavoidable. Teens will be horny teens, that's just basic math. They get horny, shit happens.

It's also why in the US I'm pretty sure stores cannot refuse condoms to minors; we see this coming from a mile away. I understand why someone may not want to date someone who's not a virgin, or is displeased at the thought of it, but you have to realize people can't always save themselves for one person.

 

[Symbiote]

So you want girls that are not virgins, but low mileage, that are your age......is it just me, or this whole thread kinda messed up.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Don't make this into a gender thing, that was not what I was going for here.

Are you a virgin, yourself, planning on only ever having sex with one person for the rest of your life?

 

[new.solution1]

I sympathize with how you feel. I didn't care about female virginity in a possible partner until I read a story when I was 22 where the male lead falls in love with a prostitute. I thought he was emotionally strong to love her with her past and try as I might to follow his lead, I found myself thinking I would abandon her if I were him. For the first time I began thinking virginity was important (before this I didn't as I actually confessed to a girl that had had a long-time boyfriend). For years I was influenced to distance myself from people who didn't meet my standards of purity.

I bring this up to tell you that as you grow older those strong feelings may fade as they have for me. I'm assuming you are fairly young. Those feelings aren't necessarily wrong or bad but personally I've come to think that they don't matter. I think finding someone with whom you can be close and appreciate is important for long-hauling life as even people who prefer solitude begin feeling lonely sooner or later.

Thanks for your response. I'm 29, had this issue come up in my mid-to-late twenties. Is that young for you? Is the age where these feelings fade coming soon?

 

[Cathy Ames]

I mean, if you have been "saving yourself" then that is something different.

 

[new.solution1]

Are you a virgin, yourself, planning on only ever having sex with one person for the rest of your life?

No and no.

So you want girls that are not virgins, but low mileage, that are your age......is it just me, or this whole thread kinda messed up.

I never said that either.

Only made it worse. Your assumptions about women are ridiculous.


Please keep this on topic.

What exactly did I say or "assume" that bothered you?

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

Thanks for your response. I'm 29, had this issue come up in my mid-to-late twenties. Is that young for you? Is the age where these feelings fade coming soon?

That's my age now. I'm sorry if I'm no help. I just know it was something I obsessed over for several years. For me I just lost interest in the subject as the repeated loss of loved ones reminded me there were more important things in life. My obsession became more about regretting that time moves only one way.

 

[rationaldeath]

What exactly is the point of accusing and starting arguments with the OP of posts like this? I don't think you really have enough information to call someone misogynistic from a single post they make, and if your judgement happens to be wrong you're just making someone feel bad and starting a fight for no reason.

I think in a lot of cases the only reason the poster specifies women is because they are heterosexual males who only date women. Like in this case obviously OP isn't going to say he's also not attracted to male virgins because he's not attracted to any males. How exactly is that a double standard? If a woman posted that she isn't attracted to male virgins is she a misandrist for that opinion?

 

[Deleted member 8975]

The answer is simple, choose who you want to be with and keep looking.

 

[new.solution1]

This thread has to do with the alienation I felt when my girlfriend in my mid-twenties (she was the same age) told me her sexual history. I was a virgin before I met her and she was my first. I was shocked the way it made me feel when she told me, I felt very left out that I didn't have sex earlier, as I realized all people my age must have been similar to her.

I don't know what I have done to cause people to view this thread negatively. I did not mean to assume anything about females. I have no ill intent, and if I have done something wrong or assumed something offensive, I apologize for I am honestly oblivious.

 

[Symbiote]

This thread has to do with the alienation I felt when my girlfriend in my mid-twenties (she was the same age) told me her sexual history. I was a virgin before I met her and she was my first. I was shocked the way it made me feel when she told me, I felt very left out that I didn't have sex earlier, as I realized all people my age must have been similar to her.

I don't know what I have done to cause people to view this thread negatively. I did not mean to assume anything about females. I have no ill intent, and if I have done something wrong or assumed something offensive, I apologize for I am honestly oblivious.

This should've been the first post.

 

[new.solution1]

What exactly is the point of accusing and starting arguments with the OP of posts like this? I don't think you really have enough information to call someone misogynistic from a single post they make, and if your judgement happens to be wrong you're just making someone feel bad and starting a fight for no reason.

I think in a lot of cases the only reason the poster specifies women is because they are heterosexual males who only date women. Like in this case obviously OP isn't going to say he's also not attracted to male virgins because he's not attracted to any males. How exactly is that a double standard? If a woman posted that she isn't attracted to male virgins is she a misandrist for that opinion?

I agree. I do have to admit these responses have made me feel terrible, made me feel even more alone, and triggered my thoughts of suicide. This is a misunderstanding; I did not mean to say anything negative.

 

[S like suicide]

This thread has to do with the alienation I felt when my girlfriend in my mid-twenties (she was the same age) told me her sexual history. I was a virgin before I met her and she was my first. I was shocked the way it made me feel when she told me, I felt very left out that I didn't have sex earlier, as I realized all people my age must have been similar to her.

I don't know what I have done to cause people to view this thread negatively. I did not mean to assume anything about females. I have no ill intent, and if I have done something wrong or assumed something offensive, I apologize for I am honestly oblivious.

Now I understand what you meant...I think in a very similar way but from a female point of view.... I don't like too much guys who have had sex around and have sex superficially around with a lot of girls in a very messy way.However, my advice is to let go of all these negative thoughts and remorse ... the question you have to ask yourself is do you love your girlfriend? When you are in love and you feel loved by your partner all this is just nonsense...

 

[rationaldeath]

I agree. I do have to admit these responses have made me feel terrible, made me feel even more alone, and triggered my thoughts of suicide. This is a misunderstanding; I did not mean to say anything negative.

People really need to learn to assume ignorance before malice. So many unnecessary conflicts could be avoided by following that simple rule.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

IDK I think a lot of people take any chance they get to shit on virgins among other things as well. Seems traditionally I've fit almost every targeted group to be hated and despised on by society, discussions like these always remind me of that.

 

[Silenos]

What exactly did I say or "assume" that bothered you?

"the fact that girls are not virgins once they reach legal age"
"you will never date someone who is a virgin"
"whoever you are with, she has some other guys in her past"
"I would have to deal with emotional baggage"

I take issue with your generalisations and absolutes, and in regards to the last one your apparent lack of empathy.

This thread has to do with the alienation I felt when my girlfriend in my mid-twenties

And you're 29 now. I find it a bit odd that this still seems like a relevant issue to you. Regardless, I agree with A Hole that this should've been your first post. It's personal and to the point without needless generalisations.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

...my girlfriend...

I feel like I don't even know you anymore.

IDK I think a lot of people take any chance they get to shit on virgins among other things as well. Seems traditionally I've fit almost every targeted group to be hated and despised on by society, discussions like these always remind me of that.

It was a conspiracy against us from the start.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I feel like I don't even know you anymore.

It was a conspiracy against us from the start.

ig idk i cant lie i do feel baited lol cuz i assumed (naively) that the op was a virgin but ig not. Shame on me ig.