It's working (my way).
I don't feel good doing some shit or.disgusting thingsnto me but it's giving me strength not to give up on CTB.
I even just bought the SN this weekend.
It's something like, even though I know that I don't deserve to die, I'm doing some bad things to myself so that when it comes to taking the NS, I have recent reasons to move forward without fear.
@Defenestration , I'm sorry to call you, but if you understand my method for dealing with SI, I have to say that it's surprising me because it's so effective. I will reduce it until it stops becoming stronger than the original reasons.
It also made me think about hopeless people who completely give up some responsibilities as a form of protest, and this enhances their CTB plan. In my BB case it was on purpose. And look, it has plenty of strength to overcome SI. It's not pleasant, and that wouldn't even be the goal. But it's a force that could be much stronger than damn SI.