my pathetic sh attempt

[nezu.061]

i've finally gotten everything i needed to test out what i wanted to try on myself. lighter, candle, scissors. i light the candle with the lighter and hold the scissors over the flame for 2 minutes. actually, i pretty much stick it into the flame for the entire 2 minutes. surprise surprise, it hurts too bad for me to handle. i start tearing up the moment it touches my skin. i can barely leave it on my skin for more than 3 seconds before pulling it away and blowing on my skin wildly.

i'm sitting here feeling stupid, accompanied with a black ashy mark.

i don't know what to do. i feel too fucking stupid. i can't even harm myself in a way that affects my skin for more than a week. it hurts too bad. i hate this low pain tolerance. i wish i could just burn myself, cut myself to where my skin actually opens, something.

all i do is just scratch my thighs and wrists when i feel overwhelmed. the red scars heal over in a week or less. i just feel so helpless. weak. i can't even hurt myself in a way that matters.

i guess that's it, i feel bad. i don't know how i'll feel in the morning. this was a bad idea.

 

[Roseate]

There's no way to hurt yourself in a way that matters really. When I first started SH, It was just a scratch, barely bleeding. But the more overwhelmed I was, the harder I cut and the more wound I made. Now my arms is full of scars and there is no way they are possibly going to heal without surgery. My point is would you rather a forever scars? Don't feel bad. I understand wanting to make the emotional pain fade at least for a short while, but those scars will be forever and people will look at you and always wonder… always have an unnecessary input or opinions on how you should cope with your own pain even when the scars are old and you no longer do that. Ice gives similar effect or so I've heard. As someone who SH, I personally could never burn myself. I'm too chicken for that. So don't feel bad because you can't. Not everyone can do that. You shouldn't feel bad. Maybe find a different way to cope with your emotional or mental pain.

 

[Maeve]

I can't do burning too
I found my thighs don't hurt as much wenn cut and the scars are easyer to hide but are still there for "emotional support". Just the deep ones (hitting beans) get really ugly and trousers hurt because they always rubbing on the scabs so i switched to shoulder and the part of the arm the t shirt can hide i found if i use safety razor blades it does not hurt so much because they are really sharp. If any of the non lasting damage version of sh work for you I'd do that but i know scars and stuff can really help feeling real and not like faking it.

 

[nessun_nome]

i've finally gotten everything i needed to test out what i wanted to try on myself. lighter, candle, scissors. i light the candle with the lighter and hold the scissors over the flame for 2 minutes. actually, i pretty much stick it into the flame for the entire 2 minutes. surprise surprise, it hurts too bad for me to handle. i start tearing up the moment it touches my skin. i can barely leave it on my skin for more than 3 seconds before pulling it away and blowing on my skin wildly.

i'm sitting here feeling stupid, accompanied with a black ashy mark.

i don't know what to do. i feel too fucking stupid. i can't even harm myself in a way that affects my skin for more than a week. it hurts too bad. i hate this low pain tolerance. i wish i could just burn myself, cut myself to where my skin actually opens, something.

all i do is just scratch my thighs and wrists when i feel overwhelmed. the red scars heal over in a week or less. i just feel so helpless. weak. i can't even hurt myself in a way that matters.

i guess that's it, i feel bad. i don't know how i'll feel in the morning. this was a bad idea.

What do you want the self harm to be like? Blood, permanent scarr? Burning is one of the most painful things. If you cut, then you can vpcut the same place a bit
later on.

 

[nezu.061]

What do you want the self harm to be like? Blood, permanent scarr? Burning is one of the most painful things. If you cut, then you can vpcut the same place a bit
later on.

i'm only wishing for something that'll leave a permanent scar. i just like seeing the scars on myself, honestly, it feels nice. part of the reason why i even sh.

i'm unable to leave permanent scars on myself because i'm too chicken to use a real razor. i can't handle having my skin actually open. i tried once, tiny cut hurt so bad i never tried it with a real razor ever again. i only use a dull razor to scratch my thighs/arms now. i guess i feel helpless because i'm not tolerant enough of dealing with the pain that it takes to leave a permanent scar.

There's no way to hurt yourself in a way that matters really. When I first started SH, It was just a scratch, barely bleeding. But the more overwhelmed I was, the harder I cut and the more wound I made. Now my arms is full of scars and there is no way they are possibly going to heal without surgery. My point is would you rather a forever scars? Don't feel bad. I understand wanting to make the emotional pain fade at least for a short while, but those scars will be forever and people will look at you and always wonder… always have an unnecessary input or opinions on how you should cope with your own pain even when the scars are old and you no longer do that. Ice gives similar effect or so I've heard. As someone who SH, I personally could never burn myself. I'm too chicken for that. So don't feel bad because you can't. Not everyone can do that. You shouldn't feel bad. Maybe find a different way to cope with your emotional or mental pain.

i know i should stop hurting myself, but sometimes it feels like too much too deal with. plus, i've kind of grown to like seeing scars on myself. i know it's bad, but i don't think i care anymore. i don't care if the scars stay forever. i don't care what future me will think. if i regret it, i have time for that later. for now, i want what i want, and i guess what i want is to leave an impression on my skin. thank you all for your words anyway . <3

 

[kilowatt]

I think burning is a really harsh way to sh. I don't know much about it as I only tried it once, but it was horribly painful. I never felt such pain with usual cuts, in fact I barely ever feel cuts that are less deep than hypodermis (fat layer) and it sure gets the scar job done.
(I do not mean to encourage sh I'm simply sharing my personal experience, mods can delete my comment if it's too detailed)

 

[Maeve]

i can't handle having my skin actually open. i tried once, tiny cut hurt so bad i never tried it with a real razor ever again.

Ohhh sorry to hear:(
As far as i know is cutting still the least painful way that leaves scares.
Out of curiosity where did you try and was it a fresh blade?

I found the sharper the blade the less pain it causes also cutting more in the middle of the arm gives the nicest scares for the least pain at least 4me i heard that cutting the thighs is even better in regards to pain. I never tried because i get disphoria from my legs but probably still the same with the areas if pain. If the cut is "burning" maby there was still oil on the blade to save it from corrosion or the cutting area was not clean. If it is the pain of cutting that is too much maby numming spray could help or something id you just need a scarr.

 

[nessun_nome]

i'm only wishing for something that'll leave a permanent scar. i just like seeing the scars on myself, honestly, it feels nice. part of the reason why i even sh.

i'm unable to leave permanent scars on myself because i'm too chicken to use a real razor. i can't handle having my skin actually open. i tried once, tiny cut hurt so bad i never tried it with a real razor ever again. i only use a dull razor to scratch my thighs/arms now. i guess i feel helpless because i'm not tolerant enough of dealing with the pain that it takes to leave a permanent scar.


i know i should stop hurting myself, but sometimes it feels like too much too deal with. plus, i've kind of grown to like seeing scars on myself. i know it's bad, but i don't think i care anymore. i don't care if the scars stay forever. i don't care what future me will think. if i regret it, i have time for that later. for now, i want what i want, and i guess what i want is to leave an impression on my skin. thank you all for your words anyway . <3

I don't understand what the marks are for. Would a tatto work? Even a tattoo of a scar?

 

[Roseate]

i'm only wishing for something that'll leave a permanent scar. i just like seeing the scars on myself, honestly, it feels nice. part of the reason why i even sh.

i'm unable to leave permanent scars on myself because i'm too chicken to use a real razor. i can't handle having my skin actually open. i tried once, tiny cut hurt so bad i never tried it with a real razor ever again. i only use a dull razor to scratch my thighs/arms now. i guess i feel helpless because i'm not tolerant enough of dealing with the pain that it takes to leave a permanent scar.


i know i should stop hurting myself, but sometimes it feels like too much too deal with. plus, i've kind of grown to like seeing scars on myself. i know it's bad, but i don't think i care anymore. i don't care if the scars stay forever. i don't care what future me will think. if i regret it, i have time for that later. for now, i want what i want, and i guess what i want is to leave an impression on my skin. thank you all for your words anyway . <3

I understand what you mean. And honestly it's awful you have to go through any of this. I hope you find a method that works for you

 

[nezu.061]

Ohhh sorry to hear:(
As far as i know is cutting still the least painful way that leaves scares.
Out of curiosity where did you try and was it a fresh blade?

I found the sharper the blade the less pain it causes also cutting more in the middle of the arm gives the nicest scares for the least pain at least 4me i heard that cutting the thighs is even better in regards to pain. I never tried because i get disphoria from my legs but probably still the same with the areas if pain. If the cut is "burning" maby there was still oil on the blade to save it from corrosion or the cutting area was not clean. If it is the pain of cutting that is too much maby numming spray could help or something id you just need a scarr.

i think it was on my wrist, with a normal razor blade you'd use for shaving. not optimal, i know, i'd prefer a blade without a handle—but it was kind of all i had at the moment. i'm unsure as to what degree of sharp it was, but it wasn't brand new. it hurt pretty badly, though probably only because of the two factors listed. wrist (hurts a lot) and not super sharp.

I don't understand what the marks are for. Would a tatto work? Even a tattoo of a scar?

a tattoo would be nice, i've been thinking of getting one in the future. though, it'd be impossible to get one at the moment. i don't understand what i like about scars either, i guess it just makes me feel like my experience is more validated or something lmao.

I understand what you mean. And honestly it's awful you have to go through any of this. I hope you find a method that works for you

thank you again for the kind words. it really helps in times like this . <33

 

[elinesi]

I can't do burning or cutting. My legs are scarred through using sandpaper. I press as hard as I can and go as fast as I can and sandpaper my legs until they're bleeding. It doesn't hurt while doing it just feels a bit sore. It's afterwards that hurts. Any little pressure on where I've just done it and it's so painful or if my trousers rub against it. I have to bandage my legs but even then the bandage gets stuck to the wound so I have to soak with water and try to peel it off. I have BPD/eupd and it's what helps me to stop exploding

 

[nezu.061]

I can't do burning or cutting. My legs are scarred through using sandpaper. I press as hard as I can and go as fast as I can and sandpaper my legs until they're bleeding. It doesn't hurt while doing it just feels a bit sore. It's afterwards that hurts. Any little pressure on where I've just done it and it's so painful or if my trousers rub against it. I have to bandage my legs but even then the bandage gets stuck to the wound so I have to soak with water and try to peel it off. I have BPD/eupd and it's what helps me to stop exploding

that sounds like a unique way, i've actually never heard of someone doing it like that. the feeling afterwards must suck though, jeez. i never really liked dealing with the aftermath of self-harming, you're pretty strong for dealing with stuff like that. it must get pretty annoying.

regarding the aftermath of my own burn, it's pretty goddamn painful, though only because i accidentally ripped off the skin that was healing over the burn. a blister popping leads to this really soft, fragile skin over the burn. i kinda hate it. accidentally ripped it off and bam, this lower, reddish layer of skin is exposed lmao. any bit of pressure/water/anything scraping or touching it is bad because it's pretty sensitive. so, i have a bandage over it, and i gotta change it out like 2/3 times a day after i shower. it sucks. probably never going to burn myself again because the aftercare is so damned annoying lol.