Venting My parents think having an ED is healthy

[nys]

I still live with my parents and they make me run 2 miles on our treadmill every day because they want me to be fit, and then a 1 to 1.5 mile walk, which I'm okay with. Lately I've become interested in fencing so today I did a fencing workout. It was pretty difficult and I was very out of breath and sweaty. Then my dad came downstairs and asked if I ran 2 miles yet. I said I didn't want to since I already exercised.

He got mad and said that my body would look more thin and toned if I ran. In the past he's said that I shouldn't gain too much weight since then I'd be fat and that's unattractive, so I feel like he doesn't care about my health and he just wants me to look attractive. All I ate all day was a really thin sandwich and a mango, and when my brother got a muffin for me and one for himself and started eating it, my dad got mad since according to him, I was eating too much and what he gave me was enough. When I was younger he'd give me a plate of pasta and say that was enough for the day. I wasn't that young, I was 12/13, and that's not enough food for someone that age who's pretty active.

When I'd sometimes go the whole day without eating as a young teen, because of his comments, he'd praise me for being healthy and tell me to do it tomorrow too. As a kid/young teen, the only compliment I got from him was something like "Wow all your fasting and exercise is paying off, I just noticed you look thinner than before" All my value was based on being thin because that made me more attractive, according to him. The irony is that he's literally obese (like 5'9-5'10 and 230lbs) and his health is suffering from it, but I haven't seen him running on the treadmill for weeks. But he doesn't seem to care about his weight as much as he does about mine even though I'm not obese or even overweight. I have no health problems related to my weight but he keeps pushing his insecurities onto me and he literally won't stop. My mom doesn't care since whatever he wants is what happens and he controls everyone. I hate this family

 

[Blondie]

I'm so sorry your going through this, there's more I want to say but I don't want to upset anyone

 

[Shepherd's boy]

Doing all these things must be very exhausting with that trauma you have. I think that they just completely insensitive people that they can't understand what they have done. I think you shouldn't tell them about all your past, because according to this your father is a very selfish person who thinks that he knows everything better than others. I'm really sorry for this, but if you capable to do all these activities, why you just don't go find some job and rent a room anywhere else?

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such an awful situation to be in and I'm sorry that you have to deal with people like that. No one should have to suffer in that way. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[y'ffre]

What would happen if you refused to do anything or even started to do the opposite "forbidden" things?
Would he kick you out of his house?

Or maybe you don't want to go that "extreme" but at least make him run with you. Don't run if he won't accept. Make him start the diet with you and if he won't accept then don't stick with your diet.
I am really curious about what will happen if you decide to rebel.

 

[eve2004]

I can't believe it. I am so sorry. I don't know how old you are now, but all the stuff that happened as a teenager... that's abuse. I can't imagine the trauma that it has already caused. Do you have access to resources for help?

 

[nys]

Doing all these things must be very exhausting with that trauma you have. I think that they just completely insensitive people that they can't understand what they have done. I think you shouldn't tell them about all your past, because according to this your father is a very selfish person who thinks that he knows everything better than others. I'm really sorry for this, but if you capable to do all these activities, why you just don't go find some job and rent a room anywhere else?

Thanks for the reply- there's circumstances I can't talk about since it's not really safe, but they make it impossible for me to rent a place

What would happen if you refused to do anything or even started to do the opposite "forbidden" things?
Would he kick you out of his house?

Or maybe you don't want to go that "extreme" but at least make him run with you. Don't run if he won't accept. Make him start the diet with you and if he won't accept then don't stick with your diet.
I am really curious about what will happen if you decide to rebel.

Thanks for the reply. I don't think he'd kick me out over something so insignificant. He's not abusive anymore. I think that since I was mad when I posted this, I made him sound like he was abusive when he's not, he just made a mistake. When I try to rebel, like today for example, he still makes me do it- not physically forcing me or anything though, he just tells me to do it until I do

I can't believe it. I am so sorry. I don't know how old you are now, but all the stuff that happened as a teenager... that's abuse. I can't imagine the trauma that it has already caused. Do you have access to resources for help?

Thanks. I guess I can call the police or something but I don't think I should. Since I was mad, I kind of exaggerated in the post above- they don't think EDs are healthy. The way they try to make me healthy is a bit unsafe I guess, but they don't mean any harm and they still make me food, it's not like they starve me or anything, it's fine. I normally get to eat 2-3 meals a day, on the rare days I only eat 1 meal I have lots of snacks too, which kind of makes up for the other meals. I don't want anyone thinking they're abusive, they're not, just strict. Thanks for the advice though, I appreciate it

 

[eve2004]

Thanks. I guess I can call the police or something but I don't think I should. Since I was mad, I kind of exaggerated in the post above- they don't think EDs are healthy. The way they try to make me healthy is a bit unsafe I guess, but they don't mean any harm and they still make me food, it's not like they starve me or anything, it's fine. I normally get to eat 2-3 meals a day, on the rare days I only eat 1 meal I have lots of snacks too, which kind of makes up for the other meals. I don't want anyone thinking they're abusive, they're not, just strict. Thanks for the advice though, I appreciate it

From an outsider's point of view, I think this is a fairly damaging attitude they have with you... If you're able to ignore it and do as you please, that would be ideal... I'm not sure I'd be able to do that. My parents were fairly controlling and it was hard to ignore. I eventually left before I turned 20. I don't suggest you leave if you can't support yourself, but you could still speak to someone at least once or twice to explain the situation. They could help you handle it, because you certainly don't need more anxiety to deal with, none of us here do... I'm a bit worried that you're minimizing the impact it has on you, but if you change your mind, please seek out resources for help where you live... or write back here and let us know how things are going.

 

[Funeralprincess]

I still live with my parents and they make me run 2 miles on our treadmill every day because they want me to be fit, and then a 1 to 1.5 mile walk, which I'm okay with. Lately I've become interested in fencing so today I did a fencing workout. It was pretty difficult and I was very out of breath and sweaty. Then my dad came downstairs and asked if I ran 2 miles yet. I said I didn't want to since I already exercised.

He got mad and said that my body would look more thin and toned if I ran. In the past he's said that I shouldn't gain too much weight since then I'd be fat and that's unattractive, so I feel like he doesn't care about my health and he just wants me to look attractive. All I ate all day was a really thin sandwich and a mango, and when my brother got a muffin for me and one for himself and started eating it, my dad got mad since according to him, I was eating too much and what he gave me was enough. When I was younger he'd give me a plate of pasta and say that was enough for the day. I wasn't that young, I was 12/13, and that's not enough food for someone that age who's pretty active.

When I'd sometimes go the whole day without eating as a young teen, because of his comments, he'd praise me for being healthy and tell me to do it tomorrow too. As a kid/young teen, the only compliment I got from him was something like "Wow all your fasting and exercise is paying off, I just noticed you look thinner than before" All my value was based on being thin because that made me more attractive, according to him. The irony is that he's literally obese (like 5'9-5'10 and 230lbs) and his health is suffering from it, but I haven't seen him running on the treadmill for weeks. But he doesn't seem to care about his weight as much as he does about mine even though I'm not obese or even overweight. I have no health problems related to my weight but he keeps pushing his insecurities onto me and he literally won't stop. My mom doesn't care since whatever he wants is what happens and he controls everyone. I hate this family

I've been on that side of things. When I was anorexic and Bullemic people were encouraged by it and kept wanting me to be that. Then when I developed binge eating disorder and wanted to lose weight, I had fat positivity people in my face telling me how disgusting I was for not wanting to continue binging. When people condone EDs they are essentially supporting self harm. An ED can take over your whole life and it's traumatizing

 

[LeavingEarly]

What is ED? I thought it was erectile dysfunction.

 

[Jrmull1993]

What is ED? I thought it was erectile dysfunction.

You posted exactly what my initial thought was..... I guess I was just too pansie to ask.

But after hitting up the forums, I believe it means Eating Disorder.

 

[waitingforrest]

Thanks for the reply- there's circumstances I can't talk about since it's not really safe, but they make it impossible for me to rent a place

Thanks for the reply. I don't think he'd kick me out over something so insignificant. He's not abusive anymore. I think that since I was mad when I posted this, I made him sound like he was abusive when he's not, he just made a mistake. When I try to rebel, like today for example, he still makes me do it- not physically forcing me or anything though, he just tells me to do it until I do

Thanks. I guess I can call the police or something but I don't think I should. Since I was mad, I kind of exaggerated in the post above- they don't think EDs are healthy. The way they try to make me healthy is a bit unsafe I guess, but they don't mean any harm and they still make me food, it's not like they starve me or anything, it's fine. I normally get to eat 2-3 meals a day, on the rare days I only eat 1 meal I have lots of snacks too, which kind of makes up for the other meals. I don't want anyone thinking they're abusive, they're not, just strict. Thanks for the advice though, I appreciate it

Don't worry if your post might be slightly exagerated because of anger, with what he has said, tells you to do regardless of your feelings, even if he thinks it's helpful, it still makes you feel terrible when he projects his insecurities on to you.
Even if they are just strict and not abusive by textbook definition; it doesn't change how their actions are affecting you, and how it affects you is more important than their intentions.

 

[Hollowillow]

I

I still live with my parents and they make me run 2 miles on our treadmill every day because they want me to be fit, and then a 1 to 1.5 mile walk, which I'm okay with. Lately I've become interested in fencing so today I did a fencing workout. It was pretty difficult and I was very out of breath and sweaty. Then my dad came downstairs and asked if I ran 2 miles yet. I said I didn't want to since I already exercised.

He got mad and said that my body would look more thin and toned if I ran. In the past he's said that I shouldn't gain too much weight since then I'd be fat and that's unattractive, so I feel like he doesn't care about my health and he just wants me to look attractive. All I ate all day was a really thin sandwich and a mango, and when my brother got a muffin for me and one for himself and started eating it, my dad got mad since according to him, I was eating too much and what he gave me was enough. When I was younger he'd give me a plate of pasta and say that was enough for the day. I wasn't that young, I was 12/13, and that's not enough food for someone that age who's pretty active.

When I'd sometimes go the whole day without eating as a young teen, because of his comments, he'd praise me for being healthy and tell me to do it tomorrow too. As a kid/young teen, the only compliment I got from him was something like "Wow all your fasting and exercise is paying off, I just noticed you look thinner than before" All my value was based on being thin because that made me more attractive, according to him. The irony is that he's literally obese (like 5'9-5'10 and 230lbs) and his health is suffering from it, but I haven't seen him running on the treadmill for weeks. But he doesn't seem to care about his weight as much as he does about mine even though I'm not obese or even overweight. I have no health problems related to my weight but he keeps pushing his insecurities onto me and he literally won't stop. My mom doesn't care since whatever he wants is what happens and he controls everyone. I hate this family

I think my mom starved me to save money. Tell him starving a child is a crime, pasta & bread are fattening shit, void of nutrition, and he should lead by example.
He's abusive. I see it in the details that you got used to as normal. It's cruel.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry. This sounds like an extremely difficult situation to be in. It just seems so strange to me. I know parents can be overbearing- trying to push their children to be successful but this obsession about how you look does seem a bit weird. Is he this controlling with your mother and brother?

 

[nys]

I'm sorry. This sounds like an extremely difficult situation to be in. It just seems so strange to me. I know parents can be overbearing- trying to push their children to be successful but this obsession about how you look does seem a bit weird. Is he this controlling with your mother and brother?

Thanks for the comment. About how you asked if he's this controlling with others- I'm not sure, I guess he is since he's chooses what my mom says to her friends. He also makes my brother run on the treadmill but he's 8 miles behind since he didn't run for a few days and my dad doesn't care that much. He does want my brother to catch up on the 8 miles though but doesn't constantly bother him about it.

In the past he was way worse, like he got very physically violent with everyone over the smallest things (me being a "brat" by asking for pictures printed in color for this assignment when I was pretty young) and it was dangerous to be at home, but now he's improved a lot and the most he ever does is yell and that's pretty rare. His controlling behavior has also improved- before when my mom would say something to her friends that my dad didn't want her to say, he'd get very abusive, but now if she did that, all he would do was maybe raise his voice a little.

I know this site is anonymous but I still don't really want people thinking my dad's abusive when he's improved a lot and he's okay now. I guess it is kind of weird how much he cares about my looks, but other than that and slightly controlling behavior/very rare yelling, I think he's a pretty good dad

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thanks for the comment. About how you asked if he's this controlling with others- I'm not sure, I guess he is since he's chooses what my mom says to her friends. He also makes my brother run on the treadmill but he's 8 miles behind since he didn't run for a few days and my dad doesn't care that much. He does want my brother to catch up on the 8 miles though but doesn't constantly bother him about it.

In the past he was way worse, like he got very physically violent with everyone over the smallest things (me being a "brat" by asking for pictures printed in color for this assignment when I was pretty young) and it was dangerous to be at home, but now he's improved a lot and the most he ever does is yell and that's pretty rare. His controlling behavior has also improved- before when my mom would say something to her friends that my dad didn't want her to say, he'd get very abusive, but now if she did that, all he would do was maybe raise his voice a little.

I know this site is anonymous but I still don't really want people thinking my dad's abusive when he's improved a lot and he's okay now. I guess it is kind of weird how much he cares about my looks, but other than that and slightly controlling behavior/very rare yelling, I think he's a pretty good dad

I'm glad to hear his temperament is getting a bit calmer at least. We all have good and bad sided to us I guess. Hope you can keep off his radar as much as possible- as it were till you are able to get your independence. All the best to you.

 

[chloramine]

Thanks for the reply- there's circumstances I can't talk about since it's not really safe, but they make it impossible for me to rent a place

Thanks for the reply. I don't think he'd kick me out over something so insignificant. He's not abusive anymore. I think that since I was mad when I posted this, I made him sound like he was abusive when he's not, he just made a mistake. When I try to rebel, like today for example, he still makes me do it- not physically forcing me or anything though, he just tells me to do it until I do

Thanks. I guess I can call the police or something but I don't think I should. Since I was mad, I kind of exaggerated in the post above- they don't think EDs are healthy. The way they try to make me healthy is a bit unsafe I guess, but they don't mean any harm and they still make me food, it's not like they starve me or anything, it's fine. I normally get to eat 2-3 meals a day, on the rare days I only eat 1 meal I have lots of snacks too, which kind of makes up for the other meals. I don't want anyone thinking they're abusive, they're not, just strict. Thanks for the advice though, I appreciate it

So, this really sounds like abuse. And you're not forcing us to think that or being manipulative. You're not painting your dad in a bad light- he's doing awful things. There isn't a situation I can think of that makes any of that okay. What he's doing is messed up and harmful- you don't deserve that. I'm glad he's better than he used to be, that doesn't mean that it's okay or fair to you. Abuse doesn't have to be intentional to be abuse. Like, can you imagine doing that to anyone else? If that question makes you have a visceral "no, of course not" reaction then maybe consider that you deserve for that feeling to be applied to your circumstances. I'm so sorry you're trapped there in that.

 

[lionetta12]

I still live with my parents and they make me run 2 miles on our treadmill every day because they want me to be fit, and then a 1 to 1.5 mile walk, which I'm okay with. Lately I've become interested in fencing so today I did a fencing workout. It was pretty difficult and I was very out of breath and sweaty. Then my dad came downstairs and asked if I ran 2 miles yet. I said I didn't want to since I already exercised.

He got mad and said that my body would look more thin and toned if I ran. In the past he's said that I shouldn't gain too much weight since then I'd be fat and that's unattractive, so I feel like he doesn't care about my health and he just wants me to look attractive. All I ate all day was a really thin sandwich and a mango, and when my brother got a muffin for me and one for himself and started eating it, my dad got mad since according to him, I was eating too much and what he gave me was enough. When I was younger he'd give me a plate of pasta and say that was enough for the day. I wasn't that young, I was 12/13, and that's not enough food for someone that age who's pretty active.

When I'd sometimes go the whole day without eating as a young teen, because of his comments, he'd praise me for being healthy and tell me to do it tomorrow too. As a kid/young teen, the only compliment I got from him was something like "Wow all your fasting and exercise is paying off, I just noticed you look thinner than before" All my value was based on being thin because that made me more attractive, according to him. The irony is that he's literally obese (like 5'9-5'10 and 230lbs) and his health is suffering from it, but I haven't seen him running on the treadmill for weeks. But he doesn't seem to care about his weight as much as he does about mine even though I'm not obese or even overweight. I have no health problems related to my weight but he keeps pushing his insecurities onto me and he literally won't stop. My mom doesn't care since whatever he wants is what happens and he controls everyone. I hate this family

My parents were like this too, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Wouldn't wish this upon anybody.

 

[sunsetting]

Yeah and the rest of my family, to some extent, but in the opposite way: I was overfed on every meal since I was a child and ended up taking that habit into adulthood and it always make me feel miserable being overweight close to total obesity. Even nowadays when I visit and have a meal they always try to push more food into me and get rather upset when I refuse.

But your situation is just brutal, teaching healthy food habits would be way more humane than starving you. I hope you're able to obtain financial stability and move out of there soon.

 

[again_noidea]

your father sounds fucked up. i think you need to get out of that house ASAP.

 

[eve2004]

Hi, it's me again... Thank you for trusting us with your story... I really hope you are able to reach out to a professional to at least tell them and get their feedback. It's understandable that the line gets blurred when you start feeling like it's "no big deal" but at the same time you do realize that it IS and was abusive because you've used the word several times... If you contacted a crisis line, perhaps they could give you resources in your area? Please consider the comments from the others who have posted here who also have an outside view of your situation... The first step is difficult to take, but it is a huge relief when you find someone who can help you manage the situation until you can move out.