Venting I wish I could find out how my father did it

[theendoftheroad]

When I was 12 my father sent me to live with my mom and got a hotel by himself and hung himself after a couple days. I wish I knew exactly how he could do it so I could do it the same way. With how hard it apparently is I wonder if he had to research it like I'm doing. I always knew it'd end this way but never figured I'd do the same thing, take some time in a hotel room and have the staff discover me. He apparently left a note that my mom and my aunt on his side knew about and read that I never got to know the details of. I never got to see his body either even though I begged them to let me see. I wish it wasn't so difficult I wish it was as easy as I always imagined it, just tying a rope to a ceiling fan and kicking a chair. None of the hotels around me even have ceiling fans. If I knew the hotel he stayed at I'd take that one in a heartbeat but everything surrounding his death was kept secret from me, I guess for good reason. I just wish I knew exactly how he did it so it could be a perfect like father like son story