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Motionlessman

Member
Mar 11, 2023
5
My parent's neglect ruin my life. I struggle with people, relationships, school, and work. Like everyone else here, I feel so lonely. I am a disgraceful human being. I am unfit to navigate this world. Every single day, I always want to CTB.

Growing up in a household with Spanish-speaking immigrant parents, I was expected to be fluent in Spanish, but my journey with language was bleak and discouraging. My parents couldn't spare much time to help me practice Spanish. My incoherent Spanish left me feeling incompetent, unable to effectively communicate my thoughts and emotions.

Adding to my struggles, I faced speech issues/impediments, mispronouncing and slurring my words, often leading to misunderstandings. I vividly recall numerous instances when my mother handed me the telephone to speak to my grandmother. During those moments, I would attempt to say simple phrases in Spanish, however despite my earnest efforts, she couldn't understand me. My mother had to step in and translate my gibberish-like Spanish into fluent Spanish so my grandma could understand.

The challenges didn't end with Spanish. As I learned English at school, I faced similar obstacles because I had no one to practice with at home. I spoke broken, unintelligible English in the classroom and spoke broken, unintelligible Spanish at home.

I faced challenges with grammar and language structure in both languages. Growing up without books limited my vocabulary, and my poor vision hindered my education. Consequently, I consider myself less literate than others. Miscommunication made it difficult for me to connect with other kids, leaving me frustrated and socially isolated. I never learned how to socialize or make friends at school.

During my teen years, I managed to improve a little in simple conversations. While I found some comfort in one-on-one conversations, the fear of saying something incoherent left me embarrassed and hesitant to speak at all when I went out with friends. The fear of judgment and misunderstanding made social interactions a challenging and anxiety-inducing experience for me.

I am much worse around women. My upbringing involved limited interactions with girls, leading to anxiety and stumbling over my words when I'm around women. I just can't seem to be the kind of person who can talk to women, go on dates, or have a real relationship with one.

As I entered adulthood, job interviews became daunting due to my communication difficulties, and most workplaces turned toxic due to misunderstandings and judgment from coworkers. I often questioned why my communication struggles seemed to overshadow my hard work.

Although being raised bilingual should have been a gift, it often felt like a curse due to the friction it caused in my communication abilities, leaving me not fluent in either language. My lack of support from my parents, the limited social interaction, and the struggles stemming from my impoverished upbringing caused me to be a complete failure in life.

Society rejects me because I can't be normal around people. I am seen as slow because I have trouble putting my thoughts into words. I will never have a girlfriend, a good job, or a good life. I wish I were never born. When I CTB, I'll make sure to leave a note blaming it all on my parents.

P.S. Please don't be impressed by my writing. I used auto-correct, Grammarly, and Chatgpt to smooth out my terrible writing. Not to mention the hours I spent making this sound coherent. I wish I could sound as bright as this.
 
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d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

i am so lainpilled :3 (? days left)
Apr 15, 2023
239
My first and only language is English (despite having bilingual parents) however I can definitely relate to your points about communication difficulties in regards to my below average social skills/chronic social awkwardness. Especially what you said about work. I am often not able to express myself clearly and I often stutter or lose track of what I'm saying which leads to people viewing me as slow and it's why I had to leave my job recently. I couldn't handle being treated like I'm slow. I also don't talk much due to not really knowing what to say which I think leads to people assuming I'm being "rude" or something
 
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nopointinlife

Student
Mar 11, 2022
103
Think about this - if your parents are so neglectful, why would they care if you CTB? Maybe that is what they want? I say torment them by living your life in the best possible way, being happy, and excludingthem. That hurts parents more than you know, especially if they know you are more successful than them, and maybe have a baby or two that they never ever get to see or meet? Grieving over a lost loved one is temporary. But, being jealous, envious, and excluded from your grandkids who, they never ever get to meet but hear so much about from others lasts multiple lifetimes.
 
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Motionlessman

Member
Mar 11, 2023
5
@d3j3ct3dl0s3r05 Thank you for sharing that. I feel like we have lived similar lives. I only write and speak English. I only speak Spanish when I am around my parents. I had many failed interviews, and over time l learned to avoid jobs involving interacting or communicating with others. Many people view me as rude or awkward because I don't know how to vibe with people. I don't know if it's due to my lack of social interaction or communication or both that causes people to get the "ick"

@nopointinlife They care about me. My mom makes food for me on the weekends and always prays for me, but this is only because my parents think they did nothing wrong. I'll never have a kid because it's so hard to talk, meet, and date women as an adult. It's challenging enough to find single women in my area.
 
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golden_triforce3

Member
Sep 10, 2023
27
I don't have the experience of growing up bilingual and maybe I'm just projecting, but have you considered the possibility that you're neurodivergent?

I had problems communicating my whole life and only recently I learned that I'm probably autistic, and I relate deeply with the language and communication issues other people in the spectrum describe. It is also related with things like ADHD and such, so maybe if that's your case you could find some community with people with similar struggles who understand and accept you.
 
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CursedReality88

CursedReality88

Member
May 23, 2023
78
I had similar experiences with neglect. I had issues growing up with anxiety and being antisocial. Being a kid, I had no idea why I was that way and no one was there to help me. That caused me to be introverted, shut off from the world, no friends online or off due to not knowing how to socialize, and severe low self esteem. I know it's my parents fault. They neglected me. Never once checked if I was okay mentally despite obvious signs.

But as I grew up, I became more open-minded. I know they aren't bad people. Just bad...parents as in they didn't know any better. For whatever the reason, we were sent here on earth without a guide book. Without proper instructions on what to do and how to live a good life. Yes I am still their responsibility, they should've done better but I don't blame them. Their parents didn't teach them better. They struggled their own way. It sucks it turned out this way, but sometimes you really don't know you are doing something wrong until you messed up or until it HITS you in the face. In my opinion, you should do you. Don't ctb for revenge or for others. Your life is yours. If you want to fix your problem, there are speech classes you can take and I bet it would definitely help you. Online courses or offline. Give it a try!
 
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Motionlessman

Member
Mar 11, 2023
5
@golden_triforce3 I might have neurodivergent. There were moments in my life when I felt autistic or dyslexic. I wish I could get a diagnosis, but that cost thousands of dollars.

@CursedReality88 I believe parents should serve as guides, much like how Orangutans prepare their young for adulthood. If I were to become a parent, I would leverage my own experiences to ensure my children are well-prepared for a successful life.
 
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kilowatt

kilowatt

A gun is the greatest negociator
Sep 9, 2023
319
My parents are also the principal reason why I want to CTB. I want them to be aware it's a real problem and I'd use it as an ultimate revenge. Yeah, sure, call me selfish, they're the one that provied a roof over my head for most of my life, but I simply cannot forgive or forget all of the memories and mental trauma they've caused. I wish they realized the effect of their actions earlier.
 
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Motionlessman

Member
Mar 11, 2023
5
My parents are also the principal reason why I want to CTB. I want them to be aware it's a real problem and I'd use it as an ultimate revenge. Yeah, sure, call me selfish, they're the one that provied a roof over my head for most of my life, but I simply cannot forgive or forget all of the memories and mental trauma they've caused. I wish they realized the effect of their actions earlier.
This resonates with me. There are so many bad parents because people don't choose a partner based on parental qualities and readiness, and most pregnancies are unplanned. My Mexican upbringing was shaped by my mother's decision to have three children with my father, who struggled with alcoholism and anger management issues. Additionally, my father was financially supporting another family, as he had two children with his previous partner. Our financial situation was so dire because my dad was not making much. Beyond these challenges, there were other issues within my family dynamic. In my experience, the only thing I liked about being raised in a Mexican household was the food.
 
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golden_triforce3

Member
Sep 10, 2023
27
@golden_triforce3 I might have neurodivergent. There were moments in my life when I felt autistic or dyslexic. I wish I could get a diagnosis, but that cost thousands of dollars.

@CursedReality88 I believe parents should serve as guides, much like how Orangutans prepare their young for adulthood. If I were to become a parent, I would leverage my own experiences to ensure my children are well-prepared for a successful life.
I don't know where you are, but in the US at least I hear it's incredibly hard and expensive to get a formal autism diagnosis, specially after childhood.

What most adults do is probably taking assessment questionnaires online. I don't think I can share links on this forum, but search Embrace Autism and you should come across it. As far as I know, it's the same kinds of tests a doctor would give you anyway. There might be some for dyslexia and ADHD too.

It won't give you any kind of accommodation or access to resources (which are barely existent even with a formal diagnosis anyway), but it could give you clarity and allow you to find community. You can always link up to other neurodivergent people online or in real life through support groups and stuff.
 
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flypno

flypno

Member
Nov 14, 2021
18
I can't fully understand that. Why do you want to pay for your parents' mistakes? In the end, you won't get any results from blaming your parents for your CTB. It would certainly be more humiliating for your parents if they realized what you have achieved or can achieve without them. When they see what you can do even though they didn't believe in you and you communicate it to them like that. I don't want to get into your conscience, but I think you have other ways out of your situation
 
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Motionlessman

Member
Mar 11, 2023
5
I can't fully understand that. Why do you want to pay for your parents' mistakes? In the end, you won't get any results from blaming your parents for your CTB. It would certainly be more humiliating for your parents if they realized what you have achieved or can achieve without them. When they see what you can do even though they didn't believe in you and you communicate it to them like that. I don't want to get into your conscience, but I think you have other ways out of your situation
I can't achieve anything due to my communication issues. I can't get a better job because I only have a high school diploma and suck at interviews. I can't go to school because it costs much money and time. I work 10 hours daily, so school would not work with my schedule. I cannot reduce my work hours because I must pay for rent, food, utilities, etc. I'm literally stuck.

The only way to resolve my situation is to find a girlfriend with whom to share a living space, allowing us to divide the expenses and alleviate my concerns about covering them entirely. If I made $50,000 and she also made that much, our combined income would reach $100,000. This ensures a comfortable standard of living and makes it easier to pursue our goals together rather than facing the challenges alone. But that will never happen.

Plus, my parents are delusional. They think I am capable of great things, but this is because they cannot see how challenging my life is. Even if they could see life as hard for me, they would blame it on everything else but them. It's literally impossible for me to convince them how their neglect affected me.
 
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Oncologynurz123

Member
Dec 16, 2021
45
Think about this - if your parents are so neglectful, why would they care if you CTB? Maybe that is what they want? I say torment them by living your life in the best possible way, being happy, and excludingthem. That hurts parents more than you know, especially if they know you are more successful than them, and maybe have a baby or two that they never ever get to see or meet? Grieving over a lost loved one is temporary. But, being jealous, envious, and excluded from your grandkids who, they never ever get to meet but hear so much about from others lasts multiple lifetimes.
I love this. CTBing is not about retribution. It's about ending one's own suffering. Love your best life to get back at them, if you must.
I can't achieve anything due to my communication issues. I can't get a better job because I only have a high school diploma and suck at interviews. I can't go to school because it costs much money and time. I work 10 hours daily, so school would not work with my schedule. I cannot reduce my work hours because I must pay for rent, food, utilities, etc. I'm literally stuck.

The only way to resolve my situation is to find a girlfriend with whom to share a living space, allowing us to divide the expenses and alleviate my concerns about covering them entirely. If I made $50,000 and she also made that much, our combined income would reach $100,000. This ensures a comfortable standard of living and makes it easier to pursue our goals together rather than facing the challenges alone. But that will never happen.

Plus, my parents are delusional. They think I am capable of great things, but this is because they cannot see how challenging my life is. Even if they could see life as hard for me, they would blame it on everything else but them. It's literally impossible for me to convince them how their neglect affected me.
Please dm me. I'd be happy to speak with you. :) grammarly and everything.
 
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S like suicide

S like suicide

Enlightened
Apr 29, 2021
1,430
When I CTB, I'll make sure to leave a note blaming it all on my parents.
Yeah...growing up with toxic and fucked up parents is one of the worst curse it can happen in your life...i am part of this club as well,I fucking hate so much my family,I wish they could burn in hell for eternity.With my death i'll try to give them as much problems as possible with police and other pains in the ass...plus the shame of having a relative that suicided...a shadow that will never leave their heads...fuck them pieces of shit....this thought gives me relief from my deep pain.
 
Smelly_ballz

Smelly_ballz

No hope in heaven, No fear of hell
Oct 30, 2023
122
I understand what you mean to an extent. Half of my family is spanish speaking but my racist household never taught me it (one parent is bilingual the other is only english speaking). I don't relate to my hispanic relatives due to the racism. I also have speech issues due to being autistic. The autism makes it hard to speak at all. No one knows what I am saying. Ever. I hate it and it makes me never want to speak again.
 

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