Venting My parents don't love me

[Levanter]

i told my dad i wanted that him and my mum make me want to jump onto train tracks and he responded with "go do it" three times.
this was after he slapped me in the face multiple times.

i don't know why i thought my father was ever advocating for my success
he never cared about me
never ever
i cried for a whole week once when i had a dream that he died
i cared way too much someone who sees me as a pile of shit

i want to die so badly
i hate this life so much

 

[SmollMushroom]

Sometimes parents/relatives react aggressively because they feel attacked.
Like, instead of thinking: hey, maybe I'm doing something wrong they feel outraged because of their big egos and say stupid crap like that.
Most of them will expect gratitude no matter what even if they don't deserve it, and when that happens they'll act like you described.
My tip: don't give them that much credit.
I can't help about the physical violence, that should never be a thing. Try reaching out to someone who can help you - a close friend or a relative you get along with. In any case, best of luck.

 

[undecided]

Sometimes parents/relatives react aggressively because they feel attacked.
Like, instead of thinking: hey, maybe I'm doing something wrong they feel outraged because of their big egos and say stupid crap like that.
Most of them will expect gratitude no matter what even if they don't deserve it, and when that happens they'll act like you described.
My tip: don't give them that much credit.
I can't help about the physical violence, that should never be a thing. Try reaching out to someone who can help you - a close friend or a relative you get along with. In any case, best of luck.

Get out of that house ! I don't know where you are in the world, but can your doctor or a social worker help you to find alternative accommodation and some therapy?
I wish you well.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be horrible being around people like that, it's especially cruel when people force life here just to treat the person so badly, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from all the suffering.

 

[SolomonKado]

Honestly without complete context of your complete interactions between each other I can only speak as a parent. With everything I've done in my life to provide for and take care of my child and the struggles I had to go through to make sure she was happy…if she came at me in such a hatefulway I would feel an array of feelings. One I would feel anger that she had no idea what I've had to suffer to make sure she didn't have to deal with so much pain so early on as I've had to in my life. Two my heart would break that she felt such a terrible way about a person that tried so hard to show her the best of everything I could. From carpentry, cooking, work ethic, Mount Rushmore, camping, sleepovers, ……. That I tried to prepare her for the life that was coming for her when she was finally on her own.

This all would cause me to probably over react out of so much pain, but I'm also not a very good person at trying to control my emotions after everything that's happened to me. I'm a very emotional person now and worry she's becoming like me without all the pain I've had to suffer through in 40 years.

Again I don't know your full circumstances and all I can do is say from my own experience as everyone else will too.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

If my kid said that to me I would wonder how I fucked up so much and ask them what is wrong.

 

[carnivalforone]

i cant talk to my parents without tearing up anymore, theyve tried to right their wrongs spewing things like "i treasure you" and though normally that'd be everything id ever wanted it doesnt feel genuine anymore i feel like what does it matter that you say that if i dont feel it from you? the only thing u can do is forgive them and just maybe detach so you dont keep hurting yourself. They are still your parents though and you will need them as unfrotunate as that is. im sorry he slapped you thats not fine at all and you could probably be taken care of and live by yourself based on age ,your country and your social workers available to you

 

[Suicidebydeath]

i cant talk to my parents without tearing up anymore, theyve tried to right their wrongs spewing things like "i treasure you" and though normally that'd be everything id ever wanted it doesnt feel genuine anymore i feel like what does it matter that you say that if i dont feel it from you? the only thing u can do is forgive them and just maybe detach so you dont keep hurting yourself. They are still your parents though and you will need them as unfrotunate as that is. im sorry he slapped you thats not fine at all and you could probably be taken care of and live by yourself based on age ,your country and your social workers available to you

Damn, this just reminds me how horrible my own parents are, they've never said anything nice.

OP, yeah I would get out of there, violence is wrong. If they can do that they can do anything. If they're hitting you they probably don't respect you as a human being because they put hands on you, something that's generally illegal.

 

[S like suicide]

Like, instead of thinking: hey, maybe I'm doing something wrong they feel outraged because of their big egos and say stupid crap like that.
Most of them will expect gratitude no matter what even if they don't deserve it, and when that happens they'll act like you described.

Most parents are selfish pieces of shit that never grow up properly in adults like mine unfortunately.

 

[SolomonKado]

I apologize. I didn't see the slapped in the face part. Does he have a habit of abusing you physically? I know once is more then enough.

As soon as I seen a part of it then My emotions went straight to how after I tried to show my daughter I loved her so much that she still treats me like I'm not apart of her family. Doesn't help her mom and I are divorced. My first strongest memory goes to when I worked with her to build and paint a wooden sign that said "student" to hang off the back of the pickup. This way when she had people driving behind us it would help her not feel like she was being rushed by other drivers. That they would see the sign and chill out. If they didn't then that just showed they were aholes and could suck it up.

I'm so sorry for what you went through.