Venting My parents are arguing because I want to kill myself

[yufei]

我来自中国。自从我被诊断出患有躁郁症以来已经一年多了，距离我以前的抑郁症吃药已经三年了。我非常痛苦，以至于我辍学为我的死亡做准备。

我把我的想法告诉了父亲。他说，要么我们一起跳进湖里，要么去医院。然后我被送进精神病院，被迫住院。那些日子是痛苦的。医院里有很多像我这样的人。

之后，我回家告诉了妈妈我的想法。她和我谈过，同意我的看法。然后我开始把自己关在房间里休息。这期间，父亲想送我去医院，但母亲阻止了。

我今晚没睡，听他们说我。为什么母亲以为她快死了就把她送到医院？我父亲说，如果我女儿死了，他就会死。

我真的很想逃离父亲和我之间的关系。我知道我的死会带来许多不好的结果，但听到他们讨论并感到悲伤，我感到非常痛苦和痛苦。
今天是农历新年。新年快乐。

 

[Himalayan]

I see. I don't know if it's a language barrier, but you said "school". Are you a minor?
Anyway, make sure to think this through. Suicide is always there and even if your life looks impossible now, if you try to improve little by little, you might get stronger, then you can start handling it better.
Best of luck. Happy Chinese New Year.

 

[yufei]

明白了。我不知道是不是语言障碍，但你说的是"学校"。你是未成年人吗？
无论如何，一定要考虑清楚。自杀总是存在的，即使你现在的生活看起来不可能，如果你试着一点一点地改善，你可能会变得更强大，然后你可以开始更好地处理它。
祝你好运。春节快乐。

我已经长大了。学校是一所大学。我使用翻译器
When I realized something was wrong from junior high school, I was trying to get better again, but my parents didn't admit that I was ill at that time, ignored my request for help and prevented me from seeing a doctor
在现实生活中，我一直是一个强大的女人。我给我的同学和朋友心理帮助，因为我以前没有得到帮助。

 

[yufei]

這就是為什麼我不想跟我父母講這些，他們不會理解我想死的想法。我不知道你跟你父母平常怎麼樣，可是他們吵架都不是你的錯。我希望你的情況可以好一點。

如果我寫錯了對不起，我的中文不太好 新年快樂

我的家庭很封建，母亲全职妈妈，父亲挣钱，所有的事情听父亲的，很多争吵也是最后听父亲的，但这次我妈妈想支持我，所以现在没有送进精神病院
My family is very feudal. My mother is a stay-at-home mother, and my father earns money. Everything depends on my father, and many quarrels are also the last. But this time my mother wants to support me, so I am not sent to a mental hospital now

 

[𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒄]

也许我们的社会就是这样？同中国人，家人极其避讳精神类疾病/忧郁症/自杀。已经挣扎多年，去看过一次"医生"，实际他就是一个骗子！骗了几千块钱只问几个白痴的问题，"你有烦恼吗？你和妈妈相处愉快吗？"我只能说谎。不然还能怎样呢？
只能努力活着，没办法，这件事也许自古就无解。
真诚希望您的生活早日出现转机，家庭关系得到缓和，万般苦难退散。
新年快乐，爱来自佐和子。

 

[yufei]

也许我们的社会就是这样？同中国人，家人极其避讳精神类疾病/忧郁症/自杀。已经挣扎多年，去看过一次"医生"，实际他就是一个骗子！骗了几千块钱只问几个白痴的问题，"你有烦恼吗？你和妈妈相处愉快吗？"我只能说谎。不然还能怎样呢？
只能努力活着，没办法，这件事也许自古就无解。
真诚希望您的生活早日出现转机，家庭关系得到缓和，万般苦难退散。
新年快乐，爱来自佐和子。

我父亲带我去看了医生，谈完后医生告诉我父亲我是一个骗子，我说谎然后我就继续去上学了。之后我辍学回家，我妈妈带我去看本地的心理医生，结果那个医生用孝道来劝我不能死，不然你的家庭会怎样怎样……
In China, you didn't even vent. My friend managed to get through the psychological hotline at midnight, but her privacy was leaked. The police came to inform her parents. She was sent to a mental hospital, and then her mobile phone was confiscated. We lost her message

 

[𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒄]

我父亲带我去看了医生，谈完后医生告诉我父亲我是一个骗子，我说谎然后我就继续去上学了。之后我辍学回家，我妈妈带我去看本地的心理医生，结果那个医生用孝道来劝我不能死，不然你的家庭会怎样怎样……
In China, you didn't even vent. My friend managed to get through the psychological hotline at midnight, but her privacy was leaked. The police came to inform her parents. She was sent to a mental hospital, and then her mobile phone was confiscated. We lost her message

Why is it so hard?
Are we here to suffer from the awful, annoying life only? And is to die our only solution?
我(们)只是看不到希望，不然为什么我(们)不活下去呢。

 

[yufei]

I don't know where you live. I live in a mountainous city. The education and economy are very backward.
My life is to start school at the age of six. It takes about eleven years to go to school at 6:00 p.m. and 23:00 p.m. every day. I have been doing tests since kindergarten:(
I choose college according to my parents' preferences and arrangements. I eat and dress according to my friends' preferences. Everything is for others

 

[yufei]

我父母是台灣人可是我是在美國出生長大的。我也覺得以前他們給我很多壓力，叫我好好讀書，申請到好大學（我從大學畢業了）。我小時候的生活只是上學跟補習。我在美國學習已經累死我了，可是我也聽說中國的學校比美國的更難。
最好的是我們可以為我們自己活，不要那麼在乎人家的看法，but that's easier said than done…

First of all, school is a prison compared with the United States, because everything is disciplined. There are 50 people in a class in primary school. My high school class has 70 people, and there is only one head teacher. During this period, there will also be school show torturing students, such as campus running exercises. Then there is food poisoning, and the canteen is expensive. Especially only for the superior. The least valuable and undignified in the school are students! I spent my childhood there——
I am also living out my pride. The primary school teacher physically punished me for leaping 400 meters, and I was unconscious. The junior high school and the teacher confronted each other because they physically punished me. The senior high school leader rebelled against the punishment and copying, but none of my classmates supported me. Later, I was ridiculed for a long time. There was no spirit of resistance in this place. If there was a teacher in the senior high school in the United States who beat, punished, copied and abused the students, the students and their parents would certainly unite, But here in China, they just want to enjoy the success or shoot the birds!

我父母是台灣人可是我是在美國出生長大的。我也覺得以前他們給我很多壓力，叫我好好讀書，申請到好大學（我從大學畢業了）。我小時候的生活只是上學跟補習。我在美國學習已經累死我了，可是我也聽說中國的學校比美國的更難。
最好的是我們可以為我們自己活，不要那麼在乎人家的看法，but that's easier said than done…

我父母是台灣人可是我是在美國出生長大的。我也覺得以前他們給我很多壓力，叫我好好讀書，申請到好大學（我從大學畢業了）。我小時候的生活只是上學跟補習。我在美國學習已經累死我了，可是我也聽說中國的學校比美國的更難。
最好的是我們可以為我們自己活，不要那麼在乎人家的看法，but that's easier said than done…

I envy you a little, because I know many students who commit suicide and say that they will be reborn to North America or Northern Europe in the next life. The living people are all in the wind to start a learning movement
The bigger outbreak is in the university. After completing the basic education, you are admitted to a private school. The tuition fee is very expensive and the accommodation environment is particularly poor. Think about eight people living and studying in a space of fifteen planes.
I met a man who wanted to live his own life, but everyone finally fell. You can't learn anything in college, and 15 of the 20 courses you need to learn are political courses. This kind of course is really a waste of time, but you have to learn because politics is the bottom line in China. Later, when we encounter an epidemic, we have to have online classes in the dormitory, food can't be distributed, and those who raise objections will be punished and dropped out of school... Only in the dark room, drinking and eating are expensive, taking a bath also requires money and robbing water, as well as girls' anxiety, Because there are worse schools on the Internet than ours (for example, roommates persecute each other, the elderly starve to death due to epidemic prevention, and the famine in Shanghai), we are angry but helpless, and hope that these crimes will not be aggravated

 

[yufei]

啊，我喜欢这里。我的经验和我周围的人说，他们只会建议你，"这不是每个人都这样做的吗？" 然后他们就会开始跟你讲道理。中国互联网平台不允许丧葬文化传播，一切都很烦人
Ah, I love it here. My experience and the people around me say, they will only advise you, "Isn't that what everyone does?" And then they will start to reason with you. Chinese internet platforms do not allow the spread of funeral culture, and everything is very annoying

 

[LastFlowers]

我来自中国。自从我被诊断出患有躁郁症以来已经一年多了，距离我以前的抑郁症吃药已经三年了。我非常痛苦，以至于我辍学为我的死亡做准备。

我把我的想法告诉了父亲。他说，要么我们一起跳进湖里，要么去医院。然后我被送进精神病院，被迫住院。那些日子是痛苦的。医院里有很多像我这样的人。

之后，我回家告诉了妈妈我的想法。她和我谈过，同意我的看法。然后我开始把自己关在房间里休息。这期间，父亲想送我去医院，但母亲阻止了。

我今晚没睡，听他们说我。为什么母亲以为她快死了就把她送到医院？我父亲说，如果我女儿死了，他就会死。

我真的很想逃离父亲和我之间的关系。我知道我的死会带来许多不好的结果，但听到他们讨论并感到悲伤，我感到非常痛苦和痛苦。
今天是农历新年。新年快乐。

Was your dad serious when he gave the option of jumping in the lake together (versus going to the hospital)?
Or was he just trying to get you to go to the hospital?

Is the relationship overbearing?

Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out from what points they are arguing..
Your mom wants to let you rest and leave you be but your dad wants to take you to the hospital?

 

[yufei]

He gave me two choices at that time, either to jump with him or go to a mental hospital. There was no other choice. I said I wanted to go home and find a way to peace. He said no, only one

Was your dad serious when he gave the option of jumping in the lake together (versus going to the hospital)?
Or was he just trying to get you to go to the hospital?

Is the relationship overbearing?

Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out from what points they are arguing..
Your mom wants to let you rest and leave you be but your dad wants to take you to the hospital?

My mother supported my peaceful exit, but my father thought I couldn't die and had to be treated

Was your dad serious when he gave the option of jumping in the lake together (versus going to the hospital)?
Or was he just trying to get you to go to the hospital?

Is the relationship overbearing?

Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out from what points they are arguing..
Your mom wants to let you rest and leave you be but your dad wants to take you to the hospital?

My father is a very domineering man. I wanted to see a movie before but was beaten. He sent me to school._(´□`」 ∠)_
He doesn't think I deserve to see a film

 

[thereisthemist]

可能和我一样，还没有那么强大而已。
遗书写出来之后就开始了让父母相信：我现在越来越好了，一点点的不再想自杀了。
只有真正的孤立才能帮你战胜求生本能，为了自杀你必须做好准备去做那个恶人。

但是也有可能我的想法不能给你带来任何实际建议，如果是这样，接受我一个抱抱就好了。

===
perhaps like mist, mist is just not strong enough.
mist presented some last will, to the parents, and the plan should be letting them believe mist is getting so much better that suicide is no longer a consideration anymore.
the enemy of SI is isolation.

these just my 2 cents tho, mist huggies ~

 

[yufei]

I feel so bad, before I muddled through life, there are many things can not remember, even yesterday. Some of my memories came back to me after I took the pills, and some of them summed up in the fact that there was something bad going on every day, but I still went to school the next day
There is a second child at home, is the parents to hide the birth of me, I am still at school, home more than a baby girl

At that time I was in high school, ready to learn every day completely unaware. My sister cried all night, and my father went to spend the night with his grandmother so that he wouldn't have to coax the baby.
You have to be prepared to be a villain in order to commit suicide, I agree

可能和我一样，还没有那么强大而已。
遗书写出来之后就开始了让父母相信：我现在越来越好了，一点点的不再想自杀了。
只有真正的孤立才能帮你战胜求生本能，为了自杀你必须做好准备去做那个恶人。

但是也有可能我的想法不能给你带来任何实际建议，如果是这样，接受我一个抱抱就好了。

===
perhaps like mist, mist is just not strong enough.
mist presented some last will, to the parents, and the plan should be letting them believe mist is getting so much better that suicide is no longer a consideration anymore.
the enemy of SI is isolation.

these just my 2 cents tho, mist huggies ~

You have to be prepared to be a villain in order to commit suicide, I agree.You must be selfish, or your kindness will hurt you

 

[yufei]

啊，我睡不着

 

[yufei]

It's 04:57 Chinese time, and I still can't sleep
My Mind can't calm down

 

[yufei]

I went out tired for a day and forced to take medicine to fall asleep. As a result, I was awakened by my parents' quarrels and woke up with fear
I can only tell people not to find Chinese partners do not come to China to settle down, here sucks:(

 

[yufei]

我觉得好吵闹，一切都好烦，但我还是不想出房间门……
说到底还是一直再忍耐

 

[qiuyu]

我家人也是绑架式地阻止我自杀……说什么要是我死了她也不会活。但是我有点生气，因为家人是我的痛苦生活的一部分，凭什么有资格跟我一起？等待这样的家长理解我就好像等铁树开花。在自私的控制下活着好痛苦，有的时候我也恨为什么我没有更加理解我的家人，但是我妈会说："没有妈妈的孤儿都比你坚强，为什么就你一个人要求这么多？"她会充满恨意地说她生了个她养不成的孩子。我才发现自己被抛弃了，没有人可以帮助我，我是累赘，没有活的必要。

 

[yufei]

我家人也是绑架式地阻止我自杀……说什么要是我死了她也不会活。但是我有点生气，因为家人是我的痛苦生活的一部分，凭什么有资格跟我一起？等待这样的家长理解我就好像等铁树开花。在自私的控制下活着好痛苦，有的时候我也恨为什么我没有更加理解我的家人，但是我妈会说："没有妈妈的孤儿都比你坚强，为什么就你一个人要求这么多？"她会充满恨意地说她生了个她养不成的孩子。我才发现自己被抛弃了，没有人可以帮助我，我是累赘，没有活的必要。

我妈妈理解我了，暂时的，我父亲还在给我喂药吃，还说我要是死了他也不会活了，之前这让我痛苦，现在痛苦少了一点……在国内买氮气需要一点时间，我妈妈告诉我谁都有命，你走了你也不用在意你爸爸了。恨着，爱着，忍耐着，痛苦着。

 

[yufei]

惊恐发作了

 

[silentnights56]

我来自中国。自从我被诊断出患有躁郁症以来已经一年多了，距离我以前的抑郁症吃药已经三年了。我非常痛苦，以至于我辍学为我的死亡做准备。

我把我的想法告诉了父亲。他说，要么我们一起跳进湖里，要么去医院。然后我被送进精神病院，被迫住院。那些日子是痛苦的。医院里有很多像我这样的人。

之后，我回家告诉了妈妈我的想法。她和我谈过，同意我的看法。然后我开始把自己关在房间里休息。这期间，父亲想送我去医院，但母亲阻止了。

我今晚没睡，听他们说我。为什么母亲以为她快死了就把她送到医院？我父亲说，如果我女儿死了，他就会死。

我真的很想逃离父亲和我之间的关系。我知道我的死会带来许多不好的结果，但听到他们讨论并感到悲伤，我感到非常痛苦和痛苦。
今天是农历新年。新年快乐。

其实家人很多时候最擅长的不是爱与关怀，而是道德绑架。自己的路还是要自己选择，出生不是自己选的，生死大事总该能自己做主吧。无论做何选择，祝你好运、安宁。

我家人也是绑架式地阻止我自杀……说什么要是我死了她也不会活。但是我有点生气，因为家人是我的痛苦生活的一部分，凭什么有资格跟我一起？等待这样的家长理解我就好像等铁树开花。在自私的控制下活着好痛苦，有的时候我也恨为什么我没有更加理解我的家人，但是我妈会说："没有妈妈的孤儿都比你坚强，为什么就你一个人要求这么多？"她会充满恨意地说她生了个她养不成的孩子。我才发现自己被抛弃了，没有人可以帮助我，我是累赘，没有活的必要。

很不幸地，不止国内，世界各地的家长往往面对这种问题，还是只能以道德绑架、情感勒索的方式来处理。甚至这种时候都不忘攀比。。。"xxx比你还惨/，怎么他们就没事？/你比我们当年幸福那么多，还想要什么？"

I went out tired for a day and forced to take medicine to fall asleep. As a result, I was awakened by my parents' quarrels and woke up with fear
I can only tell people not to find Chinese partners do not come to China to settle down, here sucks:(

肉身和世界本就是牢笼，存在则是诅咒，在世界哪里都一样的

 

[noname223]

Very interesting and insightful thread. I live in Germany and feel even more privileged after reading this. My life quality is still horrible because of child abuse/domestic violence since the age of 5. But yeah there are horrible places around the world. I am glad not be be born in China. It is interesting to see how the people wish to be born in Western countries while many Western people don't appreciate their privileges. Life can still suck though.

 

[silentnights56]

Very interesting and insightful thread. I live in Germany and feel even more privileged after reading this. My life quality is still horrible because of child abuse/domestic violence since the age of 5. But yeah there are horrible places around the world. I am glad not be be born in China. It is interesting to see how the people wish to be born in Western countries while many Western people don't appreciate their privileges. Life can still suck though.

Life sucks everywhere dude, don't think it's unique to a specific (or a group of) country(ies)/nation(s). But there's still so many people happy and reproducing in third-world countries. Even Holocaust survivors go on to lead long lives and have many kids. I think these people are either 1. Mentally very strong/have intense passion for sth in life. 2. Too delusional and suffer from *terminal* optimism bias. Maybe both.

Material conditions wise, definitely luckier to be born in a first-world country; but life sucks in so many aspects on so many levels, material conditions is just one of MANY reasons. As for cultural reasons, I see all cultural/religious to be oppressive on some level. Although there is maybe some sweetness and security to be attained from it, still doesn't justify procreation to me. As for whether not not to continue an existing life, should be up to the individual. Unfortunately, in our suicide-prevention pro-life world, this is near impossible to achieve.