Venting my only reason will be gone soon

[sleepyturtle]

i know its unhealthy toxic whatever but my girlfriend is the only thing keeping me alive right now. it hurts so bad to think about how she will react when im gone but at this point i cant take it anymore, and shes on the verge of breaking up with me because of it. she feels so distant lately, she doesnt seem excited to talk to me anymore, she doesnt really do much to show she wants me at all anymore. i have no one else to turn to when im upset, but now every time im upset she avoids me.
the worst part is that i told her from the start for over a year that i wasnt a good partner, she was gonna get sick of me and leave me like everyone else, that im too much to deal with. i can tell that shes knows im not worth it to her anymore, and that hurts the worst.

 

[prim]

im so sorry sleepy, but you really need to talk to her. even if she doesn't want to you have to do it, communication is the only thing that can fix this. you need to ask her why shes been distancing herself

 

[twitchymouse]

i agree with prim. communication is absolutely massive in relationships and it might be tough for both of you to talk about it but do indeed talk to her. dont try and guilt her into staying with you by telling her you'll kill yourself that will never fix anything.

 

[sleepyturtle]

im so sorry sleepy, but you really need to talk to her. even if she doesn't want to you have to do it, communication is the only thing that can fix this. you need to ask her why shes been distancing herself

i already have :< its bc she thinks the relationship is bad for both of us, bc its too much pressure on her to be the only person i have. we talked it out and agreed we'd work things out together, but i still feel like she doesnt feel the same way about me anymore

i agree with prim. communication is absolutely massive in relationships and it might be tough for both of you to talk about it but do indeed talk to her. dont try and guilt her into staying with you by telling her you'll kill yourself that will never fix anything.

ofc, she knew that i was suicidal before we started dating, and when we did start dating i was in a better place i made her promise that if things got bad and she wanted to leave she would, that she cant stay only bc shes worried about me harming myself. ive reminded her of that lately since my physical and mental health have been so bad and shes struggled with being around when im upset

 

[prim]

i already have :< its bc she thinks the relationship is bad for both of us, bc its too much pressure on her to be the only person i have. we talked it out and agreed we'd work things out together, but i still feel like she doesnt feel the same way about me anymore

ofc, she knew that i was suicidal before we started dating, and when we did start dating i was in a better place i made her promise that if things got bad and she wanted to leave she would, that she cant stay only bc shes worried about me harming myself. ive reminded her of that lately since my physical and mental health have been so bad and shes struggled with being around when im upset

i dont really have any better advice to give sleepy.. i wish you good luck with her

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

i already have :< its bc she thinks the relationship is bad for both of us, bc its too much pressure on her to be the only person i have. we talked it out and agreed we'd work things out together, but i still feel like she doesnt feel the same way about me anymore

This is pretty much the exact same reason my ex left me. I relate with this so much so I understand your position. If she doesn't leave then that is absolutely amazing. Maybe she just feels the pressure and isn't handling it well, try to communicate these worries about her leaving you. I do want to say, my ex still supports me every now and then when I'm having rough times, so you may not even lose support if you two don't work out. If you'd like to talk more about it, I'm more than happy to hear what you're going through and thinking.

Also, do you have any trusted person in your life you can talk to, a friend, parents, therapist, anything like that? They obviously know you better than anyone here likely does. Either way, I'm wishing you the best of luck and I hope you two work it out, I'm sure you guys can! Especially since it sounds like you two are smooth on everything else!

Sorry if my advice isn't the best, I've never been too great at giving advice but I do hope I can help :)

 

[Caoine01]

It seems as if you got a very good partner. Could it be that you are in a self-fulfilling spiral? You spoil them currently so that your prophecy of a year ago may come true. You could try to be nice to her and let fate take its course.

 

[sleepyturtle]

This is pretty much the exact same reason my ex left me. I relate with this so much so I understand your position. If she doesn't leave then that is absolutely amazing. Maybe she just feels the pressure and isn't handling it well, try to communicate these worries about her leaving you. I do want to say, my ex still supports me every now and then when I'm having rough times, so you may not even lose support if you two don't work out. If you'd like to talk more about it, I'm more than happy to hear what you're going through and thinking.

Also, do you have any trusted person in your life you can talk to, a friend, parents, therapist, anything like that? They obviously know you better than anyone here likely does. Either way, I'm wishing you the best of luck and I hope you two work it out, I'm sure you guys can! Especially since it sounds like you two are smooth on everything else!

Sorry if my advice isn't the best, I've never been too great at giving advice but I do hope I can help :)

shes really amazing and i love her so much, im not sure what im more scared of- losing her, or making her life worse by being in it.

unfortunately i dont trust anyone else around me to not call 911 if i open up, id be held for who knows how long and it would really mess up what little i do have going for me. my gf knows that if i were to be held in hospital it would make things much worse for me; but my few friends i dont think would understand.

thank you though <3 talking to people about it, even if anonymously is really helpful in calming me down and letting me think less impulsively.

It seems as if you got a very good partner. Could it be that you are in a self-fulfilling spiral? You spoil them currently so that your prophecy of a year ago may come true. You could try to be nice to her and let fate take its course.

yeah... i feel like a lot of our relationships issues right now are due to me self sabotaging, not intentionally, but pushing her away and getting far too upset over little things. subconsciously i think its like "if she leaves me, i dont have to be anxious about her leaving me anymore"

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

shes really amazing and i love her so much, im not sure what im more scared of- losing her, or making her life worse by being in it.

unfortunately i dont trust anyone else around me to not call 911 if i open up, id be held for who knows how long and it would really mess up what little i do have going for me. my gf knows that if i were to be held in hospital it would make things much worse for me; but my few friends i dont think would understand.

thank you though <3 talking to people about it, even if anonymously is really helpful in calming me down and letting me think less impulsively.

yeah... i feel like a lot of our relationships issues right now are due to me self sabotaging, not intentionally, but pushing her away and getting far too upset over little things. subconsciously i think its like "if she leaves me, i dont have to be anxious about her leaving me anymore"

I don't think you're making her life worse by being in it. That's a rough situation, not being able to talk to anyone in person about it. In any capacity, I hope that talking here is helpful enough to at least compare to talking to people irl about it.

I also post here in lieu of telling my mom, or my ex sometimes. Other times I do open up a little to them.

But I can also say I relate to the friends not being able to understand part of your message, I certainly don't believe my friends understand what I'm going through most times, they try I think but not successfully.

You're very welcome, you can always message me on here if you need to talk or something, obviously completely up to you. I am not on here super often, I'm on irregularly lol. Sometimes multiple times a day sometimes I might be gone for days at a time. Either way, I just want to put that out there.

I sound like a broken record but I also self-sabotage a lot as well. It's an off cycle, I pushed her away to distance her from me so she didn't have to worry about me and it made her more worried and eventually became too much.

Anyways, my best advice is try to communicate your worries in a pressure free way. Like you could tell her your worries and some of the stuff you told us here, and I think she would understand it. I agree that it seems like you have an amazing partner, sounds very understanding of your struggles :)

 

[itsallpointless]

we all gotta find a way to stay afloat in this life. For me I'm starting to sink. You're just trying to find a lifeline.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a difficult and painful situation to be in, the unfortunate truth is that nothing ever lasts in this life, eventually everything will be taken away.