My old friends success has made me even more suicidal

[theviewfromhalfway]

I know the title sounds horrible but please let me explain. My old 'friends' used to bully me(both physically and mentally) constantly. Because I decided enough was enough one day and stood up for myself, I lost my best friend(who I now realise was just as bad as the rest and constantly put me down). I basically lost everyone who I called a friend for 5 years and none of them checked on me when I disappeared from school. It's been years since then and I've got a lot worse since everything went down, I've experienced a lot of trauma since. I've never really checked what they are doing until tonight. My (ex) best friend has used her parents money and privilege to travel, teaching children and partying. For some reason this hurts me so much as I feel like she destroyed a part of me I'll never get back and she's doing amazing. She's a horrible person in everyway(just spoilt, rich, puts everyone around her down etc.) yet she's allowed to have these amazing experiences. The boys who physically hurt me, bullied me for years and used me when I was drunk for a 'laugh' are also all in good jobs or good unis. This group of people are so awful yet have so much money, privelege and connections they get to be happy. It just makes me want to leave even more, I am nowhere near where I thought I would be and they all seem happy. I probably sound awful right now but I needed to get it out in some way.

 

[cogmachine]

i can definitely sympathize with the bitter resentment you have towards the people who wronged you. i'm sorry that you went through that, it's unfair they managed to get off scot free while making you suffer like this. those people aren't worth ending your life over, as tempting as it sounds, comparisons will always make you miserable as the most awful people can lead the best lives.

 

[pharma]

you said it in the post, they had money and privilege, they did not achieve any of that on their own. their lives are probably empty and everything on social media is fake anyways.

 

[Secrets1]

Fuck em

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

The boys who physically hurt me, bullied me for years and used me when I was drunk for a 'laugh' are also all in good jobs or good unis.

That's disgusting, I'm so sorry...
You're not a bad person for this at all, they deserve to suffer and die and if there was any justice in the world they'd be burning right now.
Rapists aren't human, they're vermin. Rats and snakes. I'd exterminate them myself if I could.

It's okay that you feel like this. You deserve better...

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so disgusting how humans create so much harm and just make this world even more of a hellish place, the reality is that there is just nothing fair about any of this. But anyway all that those people are destined for is to decay from old age and something could easily happen to them to make their existence much worse as chance determines everything in life after all. Nobody who still exists in this unpredictable world is truly fortunate and anyway lots of people hide how they truly feel from others. But still, it sounds really horrible what you have been through and I understand why that would make you want to ctb even more.