Discussion My “obsession” with suicidal content/media

[tasmaka]

For around 10 or so years now me feeling suicidal constantly was so draining, so like anybody with a cellphone, I searched "suicide" on every site i attended.

As a smaller kid I was really into vocaloid and anime media, early songs produced mainly with miku which mentioned suicide still remain on my favorites.

Entering middle school I spent my free time reading manga and watching anime (loser, I know), I became obsessed with Jisatsu circle, pumpkin night (FELL OFF HARD), suicide girl, and a few others, which few still stick with me.

Starting high school I feared continuing the "indulgence" of this topic of media, in fear Id be judged, but Ive kept the music close to me, and just keep it to myself.

Now its one of my favorite topics to hear people talk on, maybe since Im not an active or openly ill person, but nobody irl talks about it, or if they hear the subject at all, its instantly bashing it .. "selfish" , "cry for help" , ect ect…

Does anybody else have this "obsession" or interest??

I dont believe I do this in an offensive or not way, I dont like speaking of real people overly, but art itself I think is extremely touching and probably my favorite interest..

Anyways yea, my only hot take is Ive hated "suicide boy" since the first chapters not changing my mind on this

 

[bus catcher]

I am someone who is passively suicidal and wish I could at least see or discuss my views. I believe it should be a human right to take my own life. I don't plan on it, at least for now, but knowing that I will die is very comforting to me. Whenever I am stressed out, I tend to imagine my own death and know that no matter what happens in life, there is a way out. I am also interested in Vocaloid (Vocaloid is around 500 of the 5000 songs I downloaded). I used to be into anime, manga, and fanfiction, but I am too depressed to enjoy reading or watching anymore, except music combined with maladaptive daydreaming.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

I don't normally watch this kind of content, but I've seen a lot of it in 60 years. Now, I'm in another existential crisis, but I don't feel like watching anything like that. I can barely work. Because I need to work, I end up in a horrible situation. This imposition that has lasted for decades is suffocating me as much as life itself. If I can, in a little over a year, maybe I'll stop working. That will relieve me. I don't want to do anything impulsively, and now I'm being totally impulsive. The images of suicide I've seen are already in my memory. I already know what it's like.

 

[tiokapaws]

For around 10 or so years now me feeling suicidal constantly was so draining, so like anybody with a cellphone, I searched "suicide" on every site i attended.

As a smaller kid I was really into vocaloid and anime media, early songs produced mainly with miku which mentioned suicide still remain on my favorites.

Entering middle school I spent my free time reading manga and watching anime (loser, I know), I became obsessed with Jisatsu circle, pumpkin night (FELL OFF HARD), suicide girl, and a few others, which few still stick with me.

Starting high school I feared continuing the "indulgence" of this topic of media, in fear Id be judged, but Ive kept the music close to me, and just keep it to myself.

Now its one of my favorite topics to hear people talk on, maybe since Im not an active or openly ill person, but nobody irl talks about it, or if they hear the subject at all, its instantly bashing it .. "selfish" , "cry for help" , ect ect…

Does anybody else have this "obsession" or interest??

I dont believe I do this in an offensive or not way, I dont like speaking of real people overly, but art itself I think is extremely touching and probably my favorite interest..

Anyways yea, my only hot take is Ive hated "suicide boy" since the first chapters not changing my mind on this

Help im the same dw. Ironically too, one of my favourite books (which is about suicide, shocker) arrived in the mail today. But yeah it's become a bit of an obsession for me too? Like I'll listen to songs about suicide and self harm, and watch movies or series about it as well as read stories or look at art. I even make a few myself. It's cathartic tbh. Like most of the characters I relate to I headcanon that they self harm cuz I do too.

I know alot of people can get triggered by suicide (and other related topics) in media but to me it's only "triggering" if the characters end up getting help and are in super supportive and loving family and professional environments because I'm an envious bitch and hate how I can't have that. And the only way I could ever get that would be to be born into a different life, which only leads to me being more suicidal. But when it's just relatable shit then I love it.

 

[burninghill]

It has definitely been an obsession of mine since I was very young. I enjoed a bit of Suicide Boy when I was younger but probably wouldn't like it now, and the suicidal themes in A Silent Voice intrigued me.

I'm an artist and I'm autistic, so I tend to heavily fixate on things and the fact I therefore surround myself with srtwork based on that just feeds into itself more and more. I want to know every method, the survival likelihood, what it looks like. Everything. Same with self-harm.

I'm also just generally intrigued by the idea that someone can have willpower strong enough to override their basic and most stubborn instincts as it relates to suicide.

 

[Topaz111]

When my "depression" and suicidality started as a child I got into a lot of dark, violent, "edgy", gorey media of all kinds, especially anime (Higurashi, Elfen Lied, Another, Yume Nikki etc.), I saw so much stuff I shouldn't have seen at my age due to completely unrestricted internet access x.x
I also drew a fuck ton of concerning, gorey stuff and would day dream about a lot of really dark topics.
This lessened somewhat in late teens/early adulthood when my suicidality became more passive mostly due to a fear of failure and threat of being put in a psych ward again.
Now that my physical health is so absolutely awful with no possible cure or treatments available anymore, doomed to suffer more and more.. I've been so obsessed with suicide, possibly the most I've ever been x.x
I think about it so much, daydream about it.. I feel kind of embarrased of it x.x
I've been spending a lot of time on SaSu as you can tell by how many posts I've made in the very short time I've been here :p
It's the only place I feel safe to talk about my feelings with full honesty without fear of medical arrest and I actually feel like I "belong" here, which is a super rare feeling for me as an autistic person :p

 

[Cyc]

I am someone who is passively suicidal and wish I could at least see or discuss my views. I believe it should be a human right to take my own life. I don't plan on it, at least for now, but knowing that I will die is very comforting to me. Whenever I am stressed out, I tend to imagine my own death and know that no matter what happens in life, there is a way out. I am also interested in Vocaloid (Vocaloid is around 500 of the 5000 songs I downloaded). I used to be into anime, manga, and fanfiction, but I am too depressed to enjoy reading or watching anymore, except music combined with maladaptive daydreaming.

This sounds like an exact description of me. All I can do is listen to music and cry

 

[LaetumCat]

Yes, my experience is very similar to yours. I also have an interest in self harm.

 

[charlavail]

yeah every website i'm on i do search up my situations followed by "suicide" to see how other people are thinking about this.

 

[nails]

i do the same thing, and not just with suicide. i like to consume media that i can relate to, so i'll also look for conten relating to other things i'm feeling and experiencing. but yeah, as a kid, i mostly sought out and read manga with suicide as a main theme. lol, my pfp is from one of those mangas i read back then (overbleed—it sucks but i liked it).

As a smaller kid I was really into vocaloid and anime media, early songs produced mainly with miku which mentioned suicide still remain on my favorites

same, i would actively try to find the most depressing (or scary) vocaloid songs when i was a kid a lot of those late 2000's/early 2010's vocaloid songs still hit.

Anyways yea, my only hot take is Ive hated "suicide boy" since the first chapters not changing my mind on this

VALID ASF REAL ASF i wanted to like it, but the constant sexualization of the mc became offputting really fast. the author is a weirdo, anyway; but i guess that's pretty obvious just from reading suicide boy.

 

[m3nhera]

This sounds like an exact description of me. All I can do is listen to music and cry

Me too, I always feel pathetic but this place reminds me I'm not alone. Depressing that normal people not only do not understand what we go through, but then judge us for it.

 

[SpeedDemon]

Ive never been into manga/anime but I like gore, always been fascinated by death. Suicide was never a topic for me until everything started to go downhill.

I really like this group as I can see im not alone and many people are genuinely struggling like me. Its a taboo subject that even mentioning in therapy lands you in the mental hospital.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

For around 10 or so years now me feeling suicidal constantly was so draining, so like anybody with a cellphone, I searched "suicide" on every site i attended.

As a smaller kid I was really into vocaloid and anime media, early songs produced mainly with miku which mentioned suicide still remain on my favorites.

Entering middle school I spent my free time reading manga and watching anime (loser, I know), I became obsessed with Jisatsu circle, pumpkin night (FELL OFF HARD), suicide girl, and a few others, which few still stick with me.

Starting high school I feared continuing the "indulgence" of this topic of media, in fear Id be judged, but Ive kept the music close to me, and just keep it to myself.

Now its one of my favorite topics to hear people talk on, maybe since Im not an active or openly ill person, but nobody irl talks about it, or if they hear the subject at all, its instantly bashing it .. "selfish" , "cry for help" , ect ect…

Does anybody else have this "obsession" or interest??

I dont believe I do this in an offensive or not way, I dont like speaking of real people overly, but art itself I think is extremely touching and probably my favorite interest..

Anyways yea, my only hot take is Ive hated "suicide boy" since the first chapters not changing my mind on this

Oh my goodness I wanted to cry with relief when I clicked "vote" and saw the results. Until I came to SaSu, I was beginning to think I was some kind of freak, obsessively watching videos that pertained to suicide. There is a YouTube channel called "My Suicide Story" where they interview people that have previously attempted and/or know someone that attempted/succeeded. I could watch hours of those in one sitting.

 

[Captain laser]

i think back then anything regarding suicide was a must read/watch for me, now i have slightly higher standarts. Girls last tour isnt exactly about suicide, but it sure made me feel like dying when it was over :P

 

[ih34rty0u]

i do fantasize about suicide a lot, which is why i keep reading about it, watching movies and videos, going through articles and autopsies… i think it helps me with getting through the darkest days.

the visualization of my ideal, "perfect" suicide brings me so much comfort. consuming this kind of media also takes away the guilt of hurting my family in some way - i realize people whose struggles are the same as mine also commit.

in reality you can never predict how your attempt goes and i guess that's why im still stuck here, thinking about dying without actually doing it.