My obsession how other people perceive me is insane

[noname223]

I am really obsessed about what other people think of me. Sometimes it is way more important for me than my mental well-being. I try to keep my act together by any means. I just do it all for the surface. I would die 1000 deaths if I was overweight again. The bullying left big scars in my mind. Sometimes it comforts me that other people might think I was doing okay. Which is quite sick.

Sometimes I dislike this notion. Sometimes it hurts to act like everything was okay. But due to the fact that my surface is looking okay I am a little bit comforted. This is in fact sad and a little bit pathetic. I cannot exist without the acknowledgement of strangers. This is so deep rooted in my system it is almost impossible to stop it. It is unhealthy that my mood is dependent on the way I am perceived by others.

I have some ways how to ease the pain when I am obsessed by others. When someone laughed at me (for example when I was psyotic/delusional) I try to think of these people as scum. That people found the way how I acted during my psychosis funny hurt me extremely. It almost drove me to suicide after my second psychosis.

When I recognize someone thinks negatively about me I try to say to me that these people barely know me. That people don't think as much about me as my paranoid brain thinks. That I am not the center of the universe. That people who make fun of suicidal and mentally ill people are scum.

Though I am extremely obsessed by what other people think. It can be even uplifting to remind me of situations when I was perceived by other people as exceptional smart etc. This gives me self-esteem. The fact that I can uphold my facade gives me my last remaining self-esteem.

This obsession can make me either manic or depressive. It is quite sick but it is completely part of my personality. This is one reason why I am such a wreck.

 

[Forever Sleep]

You know there's the phrase- 'no man is an island'- I think even anti-social people like me still feel the need to belong- or at least not to feel like we don't belong. I think most people are affected by what other people think of them- especially if we worry people think badly of us. Being accepted or admired I suppose is a way of being part of a group.

On the other hand- yes- I can see why feeling so dependent on other people's perceptions of you is a problem. Not sure how to limit its affect. Do you ever ask yourself whether you in fact admire them in return as people? Always loved this quote from Dr Seuss:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Also, when it comes to criticising people, I've often noticed that people who seem to receive a lot of criticism themselves (whether justly or unjustly) tend to dish it out on everyone else. There used to be a lady at work who was often late back from breaks. People would pull her up on it and in response, she used to do the same to everyone else. Think sometimes it helps to try and look for the motivation as to why people say or do stuff- to try and make it feel less like a personal attack- when it's negative.

It's actually good that you can see the issue in yourself. Maybe you can find ways to work on it- working on self esteem and all that. As you can tell, I wouldn't have a clue where to start but I'm sure there are ways to question and adjust your thinking when you find yourself obsessing over what other people think. I hope you succeed.

 

[FuneralCry]

Obsessions can be painful and devastating. This life can be unbearable as our thoughts can torture us. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I hope that you find relief from your pain.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I am really obsessed about what other people think of me. Sometimes it is way more important for me than my mental well-being. I try to keep my act together by any means. I just do it all for the surface. I would die 1000 deaths if I was overweight again. The bullying left big scars in my mind. Sometimes it comforts me that other people might think I was doing okay. Which is quite sick.

Sometimes I dislike this notion. Sometimes it hurts to act like everything was okay. But due to the fact that my surface is looking okay I am a little bit comforted. This is in fact sad and a little bit pathetic. I cannot exist without the acknowledgement of strangers. This is so deep rooted in my system it is almost impossible to stop it. It is unhealthy that my mood is dependent on the way I am perceived by others.

I have some ways how to ease the pain when I am obsessed by others. When someone laughed at me (for example when I was psyotic/delusional) I try to think of these people as scum. That people found the way how I acted during my psychosis funny hurt me extremely. It almost drove me to suicide after my second psychosis.

When I recognize someone thinks negatively about me I try to say to me that these people barely know me. That people don't think as much about me as my paranoid brain thinks. That I am not the center of the universe. That people who make fun of suicidal and mentally ill people are scum.

Though I am extremely obsessed by what other people think. It can be even uplifting to remind me of situations when I was perceived by other people as exceptional smart etc. This gives me self-esteem. The fact that I can uphold my facade gives me my last remaining self-esteem.

This obsession can make me either manic or depressive. It is quite sick but it is completely part of my personality. This is one reason why I am such a wreck.

Sounds like severe social anxiety and narcissism. The only advice I can give, not that you asked, is do something, create something, that you love and genuinely makes you feel proud, pleased and impressed with yourself, and makes you like yourself. Then what other people think will likely become less important to you. If the basic problem is that you dislike yourself and look to others for approval, then you have to do something that causes you to like yourself, so you've no need for others approval, you just use your own approval instead. Find something you love to do, that you find meaningful, and do something good with it, and do it really well, to create self-pride. There are some shits on here who will tell you this is rubbish, but only because they couldn't be arsed to try, because they were too busy hiding under Mummy's dress, petrified of failing, and now they blame the universe. Ignore them, they just want you to join them in the cess pit they're already in.

 

[Klo]

I think if you continue with this line of thinking you will one day have a painful awakening of how little what other people think matters. Also it sounds like all of your criticism is self directed and may be blinding you to other people's shortfalls. You should not seek approval from any and all people because many of them are not worth your time in the first place. If you are putting on act to be around other people then eventually it will fall apart. You are right about people who laugh at mentally ill or suicidal people being scum. The best case scenario is to try find a small group or one or two people to be close with and care only about those relationships. If you can work towards being completely self reliant for feeling ok that would be good too, but that will take time. Just don't let other people being you down.

 

[lostmylove]

I am opposite. I have no worries what people think of me because in a way I'm my own words critic. So it's kinda liberating to not care so much