Story My mother watched as a man was inappropriate with me as a child

[memo]

When I was 10 my great grandmother died, she was the first person I lost. At her funeral an older relative (maybe 60's idk I was 10) walked up to my mother and they commiserated on how long it had been, then my mother gestured to me and said I was her daughter, I'd never met him before.

This man squatted down in front of me and held my arms right above the elbow to hold me in place. He wanted me to do that one kiss on each cheek greeting that people sometimes do (not very common in my country so I'd also never done it before), but he wasn't doing it as a greeting, he turned his head side to side because he just wanted me to kiss him.

I didnt want to but he was holding me in place and I was already being trained to be the good little daughter my mother wanted which was really just a child who had no needs. So I did it once, I kissed him the way he wanted me to just in hopes he'd go away.

He wasn't satisfied and told me I needed to do it again. I looked at my mother who was standing behind him watching all this go down hoping she'd see how uncomfortable I was with this and make it stop, but again she wanted a child who just obeyed, so I got the mom eyes that said you do as your told.

I looked back at this man still holding me in place and still telling me I needed to kiss him again. His head turned slightly to the side, finger tapping his cheek to show me where he wanted me to kiss him. I did it a second time, again not to his satisfaction. Finally after a third time he let me go and walked away.

My take away in that moment was that my mother would never have my back, which is still true, but it wasn't until years later when I was sexually assaulted by a partner and processing that trauma that I realized his actions were inappropriate.

No grown ass adult has the right to physically restrain a child they just met and make said child kiss their face repeatedly.

 

[h5784]

I'm sorry that happened to you, at a funeral of all places... Experiencing loss at such a young age is already traumatizing enough.

 

[Mrs. T-800]

I am so very sorry and I completely empathize. I think it an unfortunate combination of them learning "tough love" and simply dealing with things, doing as they're told; add in being an adult with power; and sometimes, for some people, an underlying pinch of creepy motive.
They were probably taught these cheek kiss manners strangely at a young age too.
They're somewhat common in my culture. I never was fond of them.
A funeral is tragic and difficult enough.
Hugs to you today.

 

[SASU-KE]

A lot of people treat children like that . They act like their feelings don't matter. It's very easy to recognize if someone is uncomfortable in a situation or not. Especially children make that very clearly known.
It's pretty disturbing what he did.

 

[Redhand5]

When I was 10 my great grandmother died, she was the first person I lost. At her funeral an older relative (maybe 60's idk I was 10) walked up to my mother and they commiserated on how long it had been, then my mother gestured to me and said I was her daughter, I'd never met him before.

This man squatted down in front of me and held my arms right above the elbow to hold me in place. He wanted me to do that one kiss on each cheek greeting that people sometimes do (not very common in my country so I'd also never done it before), but he wasn't doing it as a greeting, he turned his head side to side because he just wanted me to kiss him.

I didnt want to but he was holding me in place and I was already being trained to be the good little daughter my mother wanted which was really just a child who had no needs. So I did it once, I kissed him the way he wanted me to just in hopes he'd go away.

He wasn't satisfied and told me I needed to do it again. I looked at my mother who was standing behind him watching all this go down hoping she'd see how uncomfortable I was with this and make it stop, but again she wanted a child who just obeyed, so I got the mom eyes that said you do as your told.

I looked back at this man still holding me in place and still telling me I needed to kiss him again. His head turned slightly to the side, finger tapping his cheek to show me where he wanted me to kiss him. I did it a second time, again not to his satisfaction. Finally after a third time he let me go and walked away.

My take away in that moment was that my mother would never have my back, which is still true, but it wasn't until years later when I was sexually assaulted by a partner and processing that trauma that I realized his actions were inappropriate.

No grown ass adult has the right to physically restrain a child they just met and make said child kiss their face repeatedly.

I am so sorry that happened to you. I was treated inappropriately as a child too. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly heal from it. I hope that you have. You shouldn't have had to go through that.

 

[amy joyce]

Your Mother and he should have known better. I was very shy as a child and know I'd of responded the same way. I couldn't imagine my Mom just watching as it happened. Sometimes people don't even think to realize that children feel things quite strongly and even if they don't understand, some have a very strong sense of what's inappropriate. And it's wrong when a child is uncomfortable! The holding part by someone overpowering you by 100x is terrifying as it is. I'm glad you shared this so I can remember if I ever observe a child experience that kind of discomfort to step in, in some way. As an adult with an adult son I forget about the feelings of children unless I know them well.