Venting My mother wants me to die.

[cryptic_cynic]

Update: My brother also told me he would be glad if I died. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like such a fuck up. At least it will be over when my parcel comes in next week.

Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong.

 

[bath salts]

Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong.

Thank you for the kind words

 

[angelicism999]

Update: My brother also told me he would be glad if I died. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like such a fuck up. At least it will be over when my parcel comes in next week.

holy shit what a little creep!! i'm so sorry hun you don't deserve that at ALL, that's totally just his own spite and pettiness talking. like you're in a horrible situation and you're still thinking about him and his needs and for him to treat you that way just says so much abt his own vileness and doesn't reflect on you at all. you're doing amazing, you are _so_ generous and kind even when yr dealing w so much, it's like beyond inspiring. i rly hope ppl start treating you better :(

 

[bath salts]

holy shit what a little creep!! i'm so sorry hun you don't deserve that at ALL, that's totally just his own spite and pettiness talking. like you're in a horrible situation and you're still thinking about him and his needs and for him to treat you that way just says so much abt his own vileness and doesn't reflect on you at all. you're doing amazing, you are _so_ generous and kind even when yr dealing w so much, it's like beyond inspiring. i rly hope ppl start treating you better :(

Thank you soso much!! Your words mean so much to me, thank you for being so kind I hope you have a wonderful day/night! :)

 

[oopswronglife]

Thank you soso much!! Your words mean so much to me, thank you for being so kind I hope you have a wonderful day/night! :)

I hope you can believe what people are telling you here. You aren't the problem. They are. The root of victim blaming is fear. They blame you and decide it's your fault so they can feel better about their own worries and resentment and guilt. This isn't just me propping you up, it's studied fact. It's cruel and horrible, and so incredibly common and one of the worst things about people. Very few are kind and empathetic and don't do this. If you are surrounded only by those who do it's easy to see its as the truth. It's obvious from your words you are a good person. Don't let bad people convince you otherwise. Do you best for your sister, get out when you can, and if you can help her get out too then do that as well. One step at a time. Don't die because of these people. Only die because of something you cannot escape or change.

 

[bath salts]

I hope you can believe what people are telling you here. You aren't the problem. They are. The root of victim blaming is fear. They blame you and decide it's your fault so they can feel better about their own worries and resentment and guilt. This isn't just me propping you up, it's studied fact. It's cruel and horrible, and so incredibly common and one of the worst things about people. Very few are kind and empathetic and don't do this. If you are surrounded only by those who do it's easy to see its as the truth. It's obvious from your words you are a good person. Don't let bad people convince you otherwise. Do you best for your sister, get out when you can, and if you can help her get out too then do that as well. One step at a time. Don't die because of these people. Only die because of something you cannot escape or change.

This is incredibly helpful and meaningful. I will try to hold out and see if there are better things to come in the future. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and kindness from everyone. I will probably not be online for a bit while sorting things out. Will update if I end up back where I started. Thank you again for everything! Much love to all of you

 

[AngelGirl]

Do not listen to them. We don't want you dead.
Do not let them hurt you. I know it's hard but be strong.

 

[bath salts]

Do not listen to them. We don't want you dead.
Do not let them hurt you. I know it's hard but be strong.

Thank you :,) Lots of love to you tonight

 

[LifeOver]

I feel sorry you have to go through such sadness because of your family. I can totally imagine your mom blaming you for killing yourself even though she was the one who told you to do so.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

Threads like this disturb me. Bath Salts must be very young.

This is incredibly helpful and meaningful. I will try to hold out and see if there are better things to come in the future. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and kindness from everyone. I will probably not be online for a bit while sorting things out. Will update if I end up back where I started. Thank you again for everything! Much love to all of you

 

[angelicism999]

This is incredibly helpful and meaningful. I will try to hold out and see if there are better things to come in the future. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and kindness from everyone. I will probably not be online for a bit while sorting things out. Will update if I end up back where I started. Thank you again for everything! Much love to all of you

good luck hun!! we're rooting for you :')

 

[Conflicted Cat]

This boils my blood...

Update: My brother also told me he would be glad if I died. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like such a fuck up.

You're doing nothing wrong. Please know that. They're the idiots, not you.

 

[bath salts]

This boils my blood...



You're doing nothing wrong. Please know that. They're the idiots, not you.

Your words mean so much to me.. thank you

Threads like this disturb me. Bath Salts must be very young.

I only just turned 18... zero way to get out of this with no legitimate income or anything. Housing is too expensive for me to even save up to get out. Have to talk to social workers or something. Thank you so much for the kindness.

I feel sorry you have to go through such sadness because of your family. I can totally imagine your mom blaming you for killing yourself even though she was the one who told you to do so.

It's something that would probably happen to be honest... lol. Thank you for your kind words

 

[Arbie]

She comes into my room and calls me a disrespectful piece of shit. Tells me I'm lazy and a waste of space and a loser. She calls my eight year old sister all sorts of names - my possibly autistic and anxiety ridden sister who has had to deal with so much. And then she comes to me and tells me that the reason my sister has mental illness as well is because I am suicidal. She expects me to be the mother figure to my siblings because she is unfit but does not want to give my father custody because that would mean she "loses". I hate her and the things she does to me and my siblings. Children's aid has been to my house so many times and have always empathized with my mother because she is a fantastic manipulator. The legal system is so awful, it lets people like my mother have custody just because they're women. Although my father used to hit me, at least he acknowledges what he did was wrong. My mother blames me for every single thing that has gone wrong in her life and has mental breakdowns where she wails on the floor and breaks things almost every week. She comes into my room and tries to make me feel like its my fault and I can't tell if she's right or not because she's done this to me my WHOLE LIFE. I hate her, I hate that she's made me dependant on her by sabotaging every opportunity I had to get a "real" job and now she blames me for it, I hate that I am weak and can't do anything for myself or my siblings, and I hate that she thinks she's always right and I'm stuck feeling like I'm the shit on other peoples shoes. I should've gone back to therapy and gotten more meds because maybe they would've helped me. The anti-depressants did nothing but maybe if I kept trying and got put on more medication then I wouldn't be this way. I pushed the help away because they wouldn't stop asking me to talk about my fucking mom and they ignored the fact that it made my emotional state worse. I have no help, no hope, nobody to talk to because nobody will listen to me. I feel like the world wants me to die.

I'm a mom of a 30 year old and your breaking my heart! God, I just want to hug you and let you cry till there is nothing left. I'm so sorry you have had to experience a horrible childhood at the hands of your parents. Unfortunately, your siblings need you and that is a ton of pressure.
Do you have ANYONE to talk to? Counselor, therapist, trusted family member? I will be thinking about you tonight, know that someone is caring about you.