Story My mother destroyed my life

[AaronHernandez]

So it was September 27th 2018. I had just returned from vacation to Barcelona with my boyfriend. I went to work in the morning and a thought jumped in my head "if my mom calls me until 10 am I should kill her". And she called me at 9:45am. From that moment on the problems started. I thought it was a sign or something I was so frightened. I started going to my psychiatrist he gave me antidepressants and I also went to a psychotherapist. I started being very anxious started scratching my nose I couldn't perform well in my work as a sales executive. My boyfriend took me to another psychiatrist who gave me antipsychotics!! (I gained like 15 kilos) what an a$$hole. Nothing would help. I started leaving the office and going home. Once my manager found me at home. This continued in 2019 in August my boss gave me one month unpaid leave to relax. I went on holidays with my bf to a Greek island I was not in a good mood. I returned at work my boss said you are in worse condition than before. Late November 2019 my mind was all messed up I said to my boss that I can't cope and they referred me to another psychiatrist. He gave me 2 pills I don't even remember what was them and gave me one month off. My mind was so blurred I stopped the pills and started drinking alcohol. I started driving around like crazy had a car accident came back home I was peeing on me!!!! They checked me into a psychiatric hospital for a week. Came back home I started cursing my mother that she destroyed my life I took again the car to go to a friend south of Greece I live in Athens I ended up drunk in another place. My mother with my bf came and picked me up they checked me again to another psychiatric hospital for a week. January 2000 I went back to the office my boss said you can't work nowhere the way you are. My bf broke up with me I stayed at home and from that moment on I started thinking about suicide. The second boss called me and they said they give me another chance to return to work. I went back for 2 months I was not doing well they degraded my position. Then COVID hit the company went under suspension. I was staying on a couch all day they paid us just 500€ per month when before I was earning €2000 per month. I was doing nothing but smoking and drinking alcohol and cursing my mother that she destroyed me I was crying then in August 2001 the company opened I went back doing nothing everyone was telling me off. There were days I would t go to work my boss said you should resign. I think I can't work I can't find a relationship I don't have a future and all I think about is suicide. I went to a military psychiatrist they prescribed me effexor seroquel and stedon. The thing is that I can't cut down on alcohol. Things are so messed up in my head I'm 41 years old and I think my life is over. What are your thoughts? Sorry for the long post I just needed to vent. I have no car is destroyed no bike no work no nothing.

 

[Smart No More]

It's not your Mothers fault. I think this is important for you to understand and accept!

 

[Darkover]

i can relate my mother let me down most of my life she's a paranoid schizophrenic she thinks someone is pumping poison into her house somehow she blames that for the reason why she always sleeps during the day, she has two phones one for the family and one for non family member because she thinks she's being spied on, she can't ring a taix for her self because she thinks the taix service won't answer to her, she as my sister ring her a taix, she spent the best part of her life just sleeping or least laying in bed as we was growing up probably because of depression, my sister ran away from home at 13 and never came back home she got pregnant at 16, my mother let me smoke cigarettes from the age of 12, i was out on the streets at 3 am in the morning from the age of 12 smoking weed, it's no wonder my life turned out so badly with parents like mine, oh and she never took me to the dentist, plus she hit me with a wooden stick and cause a scare on my face she never took me to the hospital to get treatment, and she left me out of school for 6 months after that i never went back to school, i just wish i had caring loving mother that was up to the job but she wasn't she just lets us run wild, i once took my mothers benefit book to the post office and cashed it in to get the cash and went to town to go shopping but i was under the influence of another person slightly older than me ,plus when i was a baby i have a vivid memory of her holding me up by one arm in the air when she was changing my nappy i remember my left shoulder hurting like something had cracked anyway later in life at 18 my left shoulder dislocated, i was a problem child because there was no guidance, now she basically housebound she never walks anywhere not even to the shop and she only 60 she doesn't cook just eats microwave meals and doesn't clean she pays to have someone clean her house she almost completely useless to us now it's because i had to live with her that my life turned out so bad, i come from a broken family she always use to go on about what the neighbours must think of her probably cause she scream and shout so much, mothers who are physically and emotionally abusive are everywhere in this forsaken place

 

[ascetic_]

I don't think this is your mother's fault.

Have you been a relatively well-functioning person most of your life? Have you struggled with mental illness in the past?

Perhaps just stick with therapy to find out what the root cause of all of this is.

 

[blueclover_.]

COVID didn't exist in 2000 lol

 

[damned]

i am a clown alright

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is painful to be in a hopeless situation, it sounds like you have been through a lot. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Snake of Eden]

What did your mother do besides giving you that call that led to your spiral?

 

[Someone123]

Your situation is tough and I personally don't think the meds are probbly helping. If you could kick the meds and the alcohol this could help you get on track- easier siad than done, though. YOu had a good position and it's not really clear what went wrong. I think the initial thought on your message triggered you somehow. I hope you can get back onto a heathier path, but we are all struggling here- best of luck.

 

[NormaJeane]

Something ruins life for most of us when people live so long - there are dangers everywhere. Sleeping problems have destroyed my life, I can not sleep without sleeping pills.