Venting My Mind is Hell

[willitpass]

The inside of my head is a living hell. I don't know why I've always been like this but I'm so so miserable. I don't know why I have such a strong urge to torture myself so horribly but I can't take it. I haven't allowed myself regular water in days. The amount of diet soda and diet energy drinks I've had lately has me constantly nauseous and my gut health is beyond fucked. I keep microoverdosing on medications because I know it's going to make me feel disgusting. I deprive myself of sleep. I make myself work out on a major calorie deficit and no water. I hate living in my head.

 

[heysunshine]

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this OP. It sounds like you are completely exhausted by your mind, and it must be so hard. Self-harm comes in a lot of different packages, and I feel like I can relate a lot with your drive to hurt your body. I feel so stuck in my life and patterns too. I wish things were different for you OP. And for everyone on this site, frankly. I hate that we all feel so miserable. I wish there was more I could do to help relieve some of the burden you must feel every day. I know it's not much, but I'm here if you ever want to vent.