I've posted previously, venting about my first attempt.
At the time of the first attempt I was distraught and, frankly, out of my mind with grief. It made me sloppy.
I've regained a lot of clarity and perspective since then. It was cemented what I want: to die. To cease to exist. I apologise if that's too blunt for some.
Ironically, during a time of anxiety, stress, grief, sadness, and so many other emotions, the first and only time I gain peace and clarity of mind was when I decided when and how I would try again.
This time I have the luxury of this site and the resources, time, clarity, and most of all: privacy.
My method: partial suspension hanging.
I was initially going to go full suspension route, then I found this method. I am aware of claimed failure rates, but I have a contingency for that.
I won't share the details here, because even though I know it's highly unlikely anyone I know would find this, I can't take chances.
But I have the list of what I need, and preparations start on payday this coming week.
I'll be sourcing a rope no thicker than 12mm.
I will be using a mouthguard.
I have a scarf to pad my neck.
I had tested the strength of the anchor point, and have tested a slipknot on my neck. My confidence isn't as high without the final rope I'll be using, but this is why the luxury of time is so crucial.
I even have a way to prevent anyone from accidentally discovering me, thanks to a locking door, a key duplicate, and a warning note with the appropriate people to call.
My previous plan was too public, and even though I know I won't care later, I want to make sure no one is unnecessarily scarred by the discovery of my body.
This time I have made sure to avoid mess. And if I fail, I will be completely alone, hopefully with minimal damage to myself and surroundings. I can pick myself up, try again, or go for another time with no one the wiser. No pesky mental institutions and interventions.
I wouldn't say I'm proud or too confident in my plan. I'm all too aware of the failure rates and the risks involved. I do feel good about it and at peace. I feel that I've done everything I can to make sure to minimise certain impacts, and this time avoid property damage.
All I want is peace, and that's my persuit.
At the time of the first attempt I was distraught and, frankly, out of my mind with grief. It made me sloppy.
I've regained a lot of clarity and perspective since then. It was cemented what I want: to die. To cease to exist. I apologise if that's too blunt for some.
Ironically, during a time of anxiety, stress, grief, sadness, and so many other emotions, the first and only time I gain peace and clarity of mind was when I decided when and how I would try again.
This time I have the luxury of this site and the resources, time, clarity, and most of all: privacy.
My method: partial suspension hanging.
I was initially going to go full suspension route, then I found this method. I am aware of claimed failure rates, but I have a contingency for that.
I won't share the details here, because even though I know it's highly unlikely anyone I know would find this, I can't take chances.
But I have the list of what I need, and preparations start on payday this coming week.
I'll be sourcing a rope no thicker than 12mm.
I will be using a mouthguard.
I have a scarf to pad my neck.
I had tested the strength of the anchor point, and have tested a slipknot on my neck. My confidence isn't as high without the final rope I'll be using, but this is why the luxury of time is so crucial.
I even have a way to prevent anyone from accidentally discovering me, thanks to a locking door, a key duplicate, and a warning note with the appropriate people to call.
My previous plan was too public, and even though I know I won't care later, I want to make sure no one is unnecessarily scarred by the discovery of my body.
This time I have made sure to avoid mess. And if I fail, I will be completely alone, hopefully with minimal damage to myself and surroundings. I can pick myself up, try again, or go for another time with no one the wiser. No pesky mental institutions and interventions.
I wouldn't say I'm proud or too confident in my plan. I'm all too aware of the failure rates and the risks involved. I do feel good about it and at peace. I feel that I've done everything I can to make sure to minimise certain impacts, and this time avoid property damage.
All I want is peace, and that's my persuit.
