My method... would this be suicide?

[JealousOfTheElderly]

So, I'm a believer of reincarnation and my fear is that if I went ahead and killed myself, I would have to come back to a very similar situation. A spiritual teacher I used to follow on YouTube said that suicide is pushing a reset button on life. Maybe... but I want to get things right so the next life is less painful.

I was abused throughout childhood. I was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused. As an adult, I have a medical condition that I know stemmed from the abuse. I'm in chronic pain. However, as my invalidating husband told me "at least your parents weren't drug addicts or dealers. It could have been worse."

Here is my plan. I refuse to go to the doctor. Cancer runs in my family. So that means no annual obgyn for me, no mammograms, no check ups, and tons of x-rays (as many as I can get). I purposely expose myself to radiation when I can and my plan is that if/when I am diagnosed with cancer, that is how I'll go. No chemo and no treatments. I know I'll suffer but I believe that our souls can evolve faster with more suffering in this life. If I suffer a lot, my next life will be better. Maybe I will have a loving and nurturing family. Maybe I will have friends and people will actually like me better. Maybe I'll be a better person.

Until then, keep on xraying and radiating. And, of course, I keep on drinking. It numbs the pain. A slow death with the possibility of not reincarnating into a similar situation sounds like a plausible option for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would see this as being a suicide, to me a suicide is when the intention behind someones plans is to die. To me it is terrible how many people treat others in this life and it is sad that people live lives filled with pain. I do not believe in reincarnation personally, but I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[Mr. Incapable]

To me, yes and no.. this kind of method feels like saying "I'm going to smoke 20 cigarettes every day and hope I get lung cancer or COPD" or "I'll drink a bottle of (alcohol) everyday and hope my liver gives out". It's almost more like self harm rather than suicide.. just kinda like you're chipping away at your life expectancy with the hope and desire to die sooner rather than later, but with no approximate time frame

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

To me, yes and no.. this kind of method feels like saying "I'm going to smoke 20 cigarettes every day and hope I get lung cancer or COPD" or "I'll drink a bottle of (alcohol) everyday and hope my liver gives out". It's almost more like self harm rather than suicide.. just kinda like you're chipping away at your life expectancy with the hope and desire to die sooner rather than later, but with no approximate time frame

Interesting. I never thought of it from that perspective. Hmm...

 

[toforigivelife]

The closest thing that the living have as far as a glimpse into the afterlife are what are known as near death experiences.

People who have these experiences are consistent about a lot of things and one thing that they come back is that the matter of reincarnation is a choice made by the person who has passed over, that reincarnation is not a means of punishment.

A person can choose whether or not to return and if they choose to return it is a decision that is come to with the help and assistance of wise, loving energy beings or spirits, however you want to look at it.

As far as what was drummed into your head by religion, all people who have come back from a near death experience - whether they were religious, agnostic, somewhere in between or atheist - have all stated that organized religion is based on human prejudice and the self-righteous personal opinions of humans as far as their idea of right and wrong, not the word of God or the universe.

People who have had these experiences, again whether they had religious beliefs before the experience or whether they considered themselves atheists, come back saying that they are now spiritual, not religious.

I hope this helps.

You can look at your method the same way you look at people who don't take care of their health, who indulge in an unhealthy diet all of their lives or who spend their adult life abusing drugs and alcohol and who smoke heavily.

Their deaths are not considered suicides.

Your method has more intent behind it but you see what I'm saying.

If you feel that you cannot overcome your psychological state or that your mind is just not well enough for you to continue living I do not believe that punishment awaits on the other side. All people who've come close to death and who have had spiritual experiences say there is no vengeful, judgemental God but love, healing and compassion, even for those who die by suicide.

I'm not trying to encourage you to end your life, only you know what the best decision is for you and only you can assess your quality of life.

I'm just hoping to soothe your spiritual and existential fears so that you can make your decision with a clearer, less fearful mind.

All my best to you.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

Thank you, @toforgivelife. Very wise insight. I do consider myself spiritual. I appreciate your perspective and you give me some things to think about.
My fears don't come from organized religion. I don't know where they come from. I often wonder why I'd choose the challenges I do before coming into this life.
I read somewhere that we never choose challenges we can't overcome. Not sure if I still believe that.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I do this sometimes out of desperation, but I don't think it's a good way to live what remains of life, it's intentional self-harm. If you don't want to do these things, go to doctor and all the resulting things. that's different, just like if people want to drink or smoke like crazy that'd be up to them too.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

What about just allowing myself to die from an illness or cancer without seeking treatment?

 

[GelatinaRouse]

acceptance and acknowledgment of our suffering is good, I think.
But there is always the decision of whether to change it or stay the same, whether to look for answers or not.
I think it is one of the most difficult decisions, choosing to continue or stop suffering.

You may already know the answer, but the process is difficult.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

What about just allowing myself to die from an illness or cancer without seeking treatment?

I don't think it counts as suicide re: reincarnation.
Honestly I wouldn't worry about it, I don't see why you would be attributed bad karma due to suicide anyway.
Then again suffering doesn't make sense so if someone is in charge they're probably cruel in our eyes and nothing can change that.

You can attempt any of this you suggested, and that's probably the main way I could get past SI=survival instinct, I just don't want you to suffer unnecessarily.

 

[toforigivelife]

Thank you, @toforgivelife. Very wise insight. I do consider myself spiritual. I appreciate your perspective and you give me some things to think about.
My fears don't come from organized religion. I don't know where they come from. I often wonder why I'd choose the challenges I do before coming into this life.
I read somewhere that we never choose challenges we can't overcome. Not sure if I still believe that.

I forgot to mention that even those who die by suicide are accepted into what is known as "the light".

We never choose challenges we can't overcome. Oh, that's why there's no such thing as a suicide rate.

People can die of mental illness the same way they can die of a physical illness.

Again, ultimately it is your decision to make. People who are suffering from an illness of the body make decisions on whether they want to continue with life saving treatment or to allow the death process to happen.

And sometimes that is the case with mental illness as well.

I hope that you can find answers, solutions and health but respect your right to make decisions as far as your quality of life and I respect your right to end your own suffering.

 

[8evergo]

1. hang
2.sn ore n
3 both first sn ore n and then hanged
4 but jump from a great height

 

[WaitingAllMyLife]

So, I'm a believer of reincarnation and my fear is that if I went ahead and killed myself, I would have to come back to a very similar situation. A spiritual teacher I used to follow on YouTube said that suicide is pushing a reset button on life. Maybe... but I want to get things right so the next life is less painful.

I was abused throughout childhood. I was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused. As an adult, I have a medical condition that I know stemmed from the abuse. I'm in chronic pain. However, as my invalidating husband told me "at least your parents weren't drug addicts or dealers. It could have been worse."

Here is my plan. I refuse to go to the doctor. Cancer runs in my family. So that means no annual obgyn for me, no mammograms, no check ups, and tons of x-rays (as many as I can get). I purposely expose myself to radiation when I can and my plan is that if/when I am diagnosed with cancer, that is how I'll go. No chemo and no treatments. I know I'll suffer but I believe that our souls can evolve faster with more suffering in this life. If I suffer a lot, my next life will be better. Maybe I will have a loving and nurturing family. Maybe I will have friends and people will actually like me better. Maybe I'll be a better person.

Until then, keep on xraying and radiating. And, of course, I keep on drinking. It numbs the pain. A slow death with the possibility of not reincarnating into a similar situation sounds like a plausible option for me.

If your belief is that you would come back to a similar situation then I'm guessing it's to work through whatever issues need to be worked out of your soul/existence in any incarnation before you can be free. In that case it wouldn't matter how you died - even if you were murdered or died in an accident.

I haven't had mammograms, colonoscopy, blood work for the same reason. I hope all the time that I will get cancer. I'm willing to do the deed myself but would prefer that the universe just do it for me. I get excited whenever I think something is horribly medically wrong with me but then let down whenever it resolves. And I get jealous and angry about the unfairness and injustice of it all when someone who wants to live gets a fatal diagnosis. The world just doesn't make sense.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If you refuse and won't go to any doctors at all, including an obgyn, how will you obtain the prescriptions necessary for all these x-rays so that you *might* end up with cancer? And BTW, cancer is a horrendous death, not a death to be taken lightly.

I'm not sure this would be suicide or not. Plenty of people refuse medical treatment for diagnosed medical conditions, and then end up succumbing to said conditions, or other factors related to their conditions. I don't believe those cases are classified as suicides.