Charles
Member
- Jun 24, 2018
- 30
I'm 18 years old right now.
My whole life I was different. I experienced what I at the time thought was love, love for almost every single female I had came in contact with..since grade school. Of course, no one had "loved" me back, because being age 7 or so, no one thinks about such things. Of course..at the time I couldn't undestand it. I felt rejected.
Up until 5th grade it was like this, I feel like I love, I get rejected..and so on and so forth. It was what I believed at that time and it therefore formed my emotional state..irreversibly. After the 5th grade, I met the girl which I think was "the one" .. and as always I got rejected. And that was my last straw. For 3 years I'd have been her classmate..and it ate at me..and just messed with me really bad. Now I'm 18..it's been 6 years. I didn't develop the feeling of being loved..mostly I believe due to my mother, which from her I didn't feel love, nor now, and it formed a very unhealthy relationship with females right now in my life. I have skipped a lot of things here..but the end result is, which I believe right now, that my brain was prepped for ASPD, and all of the events which had happened in my life, triggered my response..and made into what I am right now. "Feelingless", void creature.
A sociopath perhaps best describe what I am. I can't feel much..other than the physical emptyness in my chest..and my every waking moment, spent thinking about suicide, and my own death. This is a short..vague story of who I am and why I want to end my life.
I have contacted a doctor in Belgium, for assisted suicide, but never got a reply.
Any response to this post is welcome.
My whole life I was different. I experienced what I at the time thought was love, love for almost every single female I had came in contact with..since grade school. Of course, no one had "loved" me back, because being age 7 or so, no one thinks about such things. Of course..at the time I couldn't undestand it. I felt rejected.
Up until 5th grade it was like this, I feel like I love, I get rejected..and so on and so forth. It was what I believed at that time and it therefore formed my emotional state..irreversibly. After the 5th grade, I met the girl which I think was "the one" .. and as always I got rejected. And that was my last straw. For 3 years I'd have been her classmate..and it ate at me..and just messed with me really bad. Now I'm 18..it's been 6 years. I didn't develop the feeling of being loved..mostly I believe due to my mother, which from her I didn't feel love, nor now, and it formed a very unhealthy relationship with females right now in my life. I have skipped a lot of things here..but the end result is, which I believe right now, that my brain was prepped for ASPD, and all of the events which had happened in my life, triggered my response..and made into what I am right now. "Feelingless", void creature.
A sociopath perhaps best describe what I am. I can't feel much..other than the physical emptyness in my chest..and my every waking moment, spent thinking about suicide, and my own death. This is a short..vague story of who I am and why I want to end my life.
I have contacted a doctor in Belgium, for assisted suicide, but never got a reply.
Any response to this post is welcome.
