My life is over

[unkuto]

Hey guys. I never though I would ever come to forum like that but I'd like to tell you my story. I'm 30 years and I small and distant region of Russia in a city with 40k pop.
Before you say anything: I'm not supporting what is going and I never did. I always voted against current government every chance I had just to get opposition in but they would just cheat remaining voices and win anyway.
I don't want to kill myself but I have no other option. I'm stuck with limited amount of money that is barely enough to last for a couple months and I lost my job. Nobody is hiring anymore because economy just collapsed in matter of days. Russia is fully isolated from outside world and internet would be next. The situation is going get so much worse than it is right now. And right now is currency crashed. Prices for food and everything skyrocketed and most of the time groceries are empty. I need a lot of meds to control my Acid Reflux and fix stomach issues. They are kinda of permanent. I always need medication against headache because if I don't take it I would get a massive migraine like headache related that is going to last for 3 days straight and no painkillers could fix it. You can't imagine how much I've been stressing and crying since February 23. I dont have any real life friends, relatives no parents. I'm completely alone and what's coming on me is unavoidable and I have no control over it. This country and everyone who left in it are doomed to starve and die in poverty. It's truly horrible. Sometimes I think that I'd rather be in Ukraine and just instantly die from something than stay here and slowly waiting for the end. I can't even run away because I live so far away in Russia and most countries closed their boarders and the ones who are not have enter restrictions. Neither do I have money to run away.

I really don't know what to do. I've read lots of posts on this forum for the past week and I've read the Peaceful Pill book. But the more I research about the more I realize that nothing that been described and posted is available in Russia. Literally nothing. Another problem is that I'm just a coward and I'm scared. I literally can't do anything and I can't stop crying because of it. I can't even properly kill myself with what is available. I really need your help guys. I promise you, I would never come to place like that if it wasn't serious. I'm old and mature enough and my problems are way serious than other people have. At least I think they are. Please suggest me something, help me to find a way out or just at least talk to me.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Damn, war is terrible. Sorry that people don't talk about story from your side. There are many Russians here and you might talk to them. There are plenty of resources on this site from technical point of things :(
Ehmmm... Yeah.
I am sorry I cannot really help. I can only send stupid internet hug . There might be people here in similar situation. Maybe talk to them

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, it sounds so awful and horrible what you are going through, I can imagine that it must be unbearable. This life is just so cruel. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[eyeroller]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sanctions are cruel and always harm people with little money and power. The hypocrisy and cruelty of the west is making me so angry.

When I had very little money I researched through these forums to find methods that suited my situation. It gave me comfort just knowing and reading. Make sure you save everything you read in case the Internet goes down.

My heart goes out to people in Ukraine and Russia. I pray things get better for you ❤

 

[ineedtoctb]

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this all alone, I really hope you can find some kind of peace during these times.

 

[summertimestars4]

i am really sorry for your situation. this world seems to be filled with endless ways in which the common person comes in last place through no fault of their own. i wish you could find some way to solve your problems, it's not fair.

 

[unkuto]

Damn, war is terrible. Sorry that people don't talk about story from your side. There are many Russians here and you might talk to them. There are plenty of resources on this site from technical point of things :(
Ehmmm... Yeah.
I am sorry I cannot really help. I can only send stupid internet hug . There might be people here in similar situation. Maybe talk to them

There a lot of people in similar situations. Nobody know what to do anymore. Some people are trying to get food for months for whatever price they can buy. Others are just sitting in a shock without understand what to do. There are some of people who doesn't realize anything yet because Russian propganda is truly horrible. They wouldn't say a word of truth from the TV screeen and they banned almost all the websites that post real info. Everyone who call this war a "war" can get sentences up to 15 years in prison for "fake news". Every free meida resources just left Russia in a moment a long with 300 companies and also increasing isolation from the West.
The west thinks that sanctions would make Putin to step back or make people riot against them. People do riot but they instantly get arrested. They have too many cops and special forces to detain as much people as would go out. And getting arrested in Russia is the worst thing that can happen. Unlike other countries most jobs in Russia are "official". Meaning they accept you and make documents, pay taxes for you etc. You dont pay taxes by yourself in Russia. So when you want to get a job they would do a background check and if you had any records you will get denied. That's just how unfair life is.
People just can't do anything. Protesting wouldn't help because they would arrest as many people as go and most people are scared and understand how useless it is. It never helped not even at once since 2011. Someone told me that his friends were arrested in Moscow just by going to protest. They took a ride on a metro (underground train) and were about to leave subway station and there were already 10 cops standing right there and catching people before they can even go up and reach the place where protest were taking place. Universities force students to sign up a paper like: "I'm aware I would get kicked from university and I'll protest". Who not signing it up are being kicked.

Most people outside of Russia doesn't understand this specifics. People here cannot control anything. It's not EU countries or America. This is dictatorship and police here is not to protect people but protect whoever feeds them meaning the government. People from civilized countries thinks if everyone would go out everything would stop.
Nope... The reality isn't like that here.

Everyone who had opportunity or money already left the country. It that was hella people. Almost all the celebrities, singers, everyone. All the people who could afford it. Because everyone understand that what's coming and what's happening is not just going to get away. It's here for decades or even a century to come. This country is absolutely doomed. Russia doesn't have any social programs where they pay poor people or people without a job. If you lose everything and will be left with nothing well you are on your own.

Russia doesn't make anything. They just import starting from basic stuff. And the rest stuff are made inside Russia are made on imported devices that Russia cannot get. Over 80% all the meds are imported and the rest are being made locally from imported components.

This country cannot survive in current situation under weight of sanctions and total world isolation and I can't even imagine what horrible end come. North Korea would be a paradise compared to this. Not even joking.

People in Russia are trying to save their dropping currency by using a crypto but crypto exchangers just ban Russian and freeze their last bits of money. Russia is being fucked from everywhere. I perfectly I understand why. But the sanctions aren't affecting Government and people who control things. They are going to ruin normal people's life that are doomed. Government always would find way to feed themselves and police. That's the rule every dictatorship regime follows.

I'm really desperate and I really don't know what to do. Nobody here knows in fact. People just trying to survive but everyone realize that's it's not going to last.
Sanctions and pressure just started and economy is already collapsed. The they not even took a full power yet but will in weeks and months. That's just terrifying. Sitting here and watching your life is turning to hell. I am crazy that I want to find exist in suicide? I don't think that I am. I can't I just can't take it anymore and I won't be able to do either. It's not about me. I was just cornered.

 

[Lost Magic]

Wow, sorry to hear of your desperate situation in Russia. There are no winners in this devastating war. Ordinary Russians (like yourself) are being sanctioned for their government's war crimes and Ukrainians are being invaded by a maniacal dictator. It is just heart-breaking stuff all round. Is there anyway you could get Sodium Nitrite, NaNO2,​shipped from Germany or Poland?

 

[unkuto]

Wow, sorry to hear of your desperate situation in Russia. There are no winners in this devastating war. Ordinary Russians (like yourself) are being sanctioned for their governments war crimes and Ukrainians are being invaded by a maniacal dictator. It is just heart-breaking stuff all round. Is there anyway you could get Sodium Nitrite, NaNO2,​shipped from Germany or Poland?

No, EU countries don't ship anything to Russia anymore...

 

[lostwanderer]

There a lot of people in similar situations. Nobody know what to do anymore. Some people are trying to get food for months for whatever price they can buy. Others are just sitting in a shock without understand what to do. There are some of people who doesn't realize anything yet because Russian propganda is truly horrible. They wouldn't say a word of truth from the TV screeen and they banned almost all the websites that post real info. Everyone who call this war a "war" can get sentences up to 15 years in prison for "fake news". Every free meida resources just left Russia in a moment a long with 300 companies and also increasing isolation from the West.
The west things that sanctions would make Putin to step back or make people riot against them. People do riot but they instantly get arrested. They have too many cops and special forces to detain as much people as would go out. And getting arrested in Russia is the worst thing that can happen. Unlike other countries most jobs in Russia are "official". Meaning they accept you and make documents, pay taxes for you etc. You dont pay taxes by yourself in Russia. So when you want to get a job they would do a background check and if you had any records you will get denied. That's just how unfair life is.
People just can't do anything. Protesting wouldn't help because they would arrest as many people as go and most people are scared and understand how useless it is. It never helped not even at once since 2011. Someone told me that his friends were arrested in Moscow just by going to protest. They took a ride on a metro (underground train) and were about to leave subway station and there were already 10 cops standing right there and catching people before they can even go up and reach the place where protest were taking place. Universities force students to sign up a paper like: "I'm aware I would get kicked from university and I'll protest". Who not signing it up are being kicked.

Most people outside of Russia doesn't understand this specifics. People here cannot control anything. It's not EU countries or America. This is dictatorship and police here is not to protect people but protect whoever feeds them meaning the government. People from civilized countries things if everyone would go out everything would stop.
Nope... The reality isn't like that here.

Everyone who had opportunity or money already left the country. It that was hella people. Almost all the celebrities, singers, everyone. All the people who could afford it. Because everyone understand that what's coming and what's happening is not just going to get away. It's here for decades or even a century to come. This country is absolutely doomed. Russia doesn't have any social programs where they pay poor people or people without a job. If you lose everything and will be left with nothing well you are on your own.

Russia doesn't make anything. They just import starting from basic stuff. And the rest stuff are made inside Russia are made on imported devices that Russia cannot get. Over 80% all the meds are imported and the rest are being made locally from imported components.

This country cannot survive in current situation under weight of sanctions and total world isolation and I can't even imagine what horrible end come. North Korea would be a paradise compared to this. Not even joking.

People in Russia are trying to save their dropping currency by using a crypto but crypto exchangers just ban Russian and freeze their last bits of money. Russia is being fucked from everywhere. I perfectly I understand why. But the sanctions aren't affecting Government and people who control things. They are going to ruin normal people's life that are doomed. Government always would find way to feed themselves and police. That's the rule every dictatorship regime follows.

I'm really desperate and I really don't know what to do. Nobody here knows in fact. People just trying to survive but everyone realize that's it's not going to last.
Sanctions and pressure just started and economy is already collapsed. The they not even took a full power yet but will in weeks and months. That's just terrifying. Sitting here and watching your life is turning to hell. I am crazy that I want to find exist in suicide? I don't think that I am. I can't I just can't take it anymore and I won't be able to do either. It's not about me. I was just cornered.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Thanks for sharing what you are going through. My heart goes out to you and all the people in Russia suffering. I'm glad you connected here with people. I wish there was more people could do to help.

 

[rationaltake]

So sorry. You're another human being suffering through no fault of your own. I wish I could help.

 

[Nolan96]

I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through. As an American, I've always liked many aspects of Russian culture and always hoped for peace between our countries and an end to the anti-Russian sentiment which is common here. I was devastated when I heard the news of the war because I knew it would cause so much suffering in Ukraine and Russia and bring back the Iron Curtain. I wish I had practical advice for you, but all I can say is you're in my thoughts and I'm wishing you the best. If you feel like talking, I'd be happy to.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Hey guys. I never though I would ever come to forum like that but I'd like to tell you my story. I'm 30 years and I small and distant region of Russia in a city with 40k pop.
Before you say anything: I'm not supporting what is going and I never did. I always voted against current government every chance I had just to get opposition in but they would just cheat remaining voices and win anyway.
I don't want to kill myself but I have no other option. I'm stuck with limited amount of money that is barely enough to last for a couple months and I lost my job. Nobody is hiring anymore because economy just collapsed in matter of days. Russia is fully isolated from outside world and internet would be next. The situation is going get so much worse than it is right now. And right now is currency crashed. Prices for food and everything skyrocketed and most of the time groceries are empty. I need a lot of meds to control my Acid Reflux and fix stomach issues. They are kinda of permanent. I always need medication against headache because if I don't take it I would get a massive migraine like headache related that is going to last for 3 days straight and no painkillers could fix it. You can't imagine how much I've been stressing and crying since February 23. I dont have any real life friends, relatives no parents. I'm completely alone and what's coming on me is unavoidable and I have no control over it. This country and everyone who left in it are doomed to starve and die in poverty. It's truly horrible. Sometimes I think that I'd rather be in Ukraine and just instantly die from something than stay here and slowly waiting for the end. I can't even run away because I live so far away in Russia and most countries closed their boarders and the ones who are not have enter restrictions. Neither do I have money to run away.

I really don't know what to do. I've read lots of posts on this forum for the past week and I've read the Peaceful Pill book. But the more I research about the more I realize that nothing that been described and posted is available in Russia. Literally nothing. Another problem is that I'm just a coward and I'm scared. I literally can't do anything and I can't stop crying because of it. I can't even properly kill myself with what is available. I really need your help guys. I promise you, I would never come to place like that if it wasn't serious. I'm old and mature enough and my problems are way serious than other people have. At least I think they are. Please suggest me something, help me to find a way out or just at least talk to me.

You said you don't have acces to SN, N, etc and you might have to ctb. So in case you might want to ctb just trying to help . If someone wants to ctb , some alternate methods could be Shallow water blackout is painless, rope hanging , pratial, freediving blackout, drowning , co from burning charcoal , knife,jumping off cliff,plastic bag ? Geo stone in his book linked in the resources and this site has other methods too.

 

[Lost Magic]

You said you don't have acces to SN, N, etc and you might have to ctb. So in case you might want to ctb just trying to help . If someone wants to ctb , some alternate methods could be knife, rope hanging , pratial, freediving blackout, drowning , co from burning charcoal , jumping off cliff ?

true, there are lots of alternative methods, but they are mostly violent methods. Saying that hanging is very popular. I was watching a video of the suicides from celebrities and most of them resorted to hangings. It was my original thought before I was able to acquire more peaceful methods.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

true, there are lots of alternative methods, but they are mostly violent methods. Saying that hanging is very popular. I was watching a video of the suicides from celebrities and most of them resorted to hangings. It was my original thought before I was able to acquire more peaceful methods.

Freediving blackout is painless . Co can also be painless . I called it freediving blackout but it's also called Shallow water Blackout

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/shallow-water-blackout.4315/

 

[Lost Magic]

Freediving blackout is painless . Co can also be painless .

I think this method would cause a lot of panic. Are you talking about drowning?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I think this method would cause a lot of panic. Are you talking about drowning?

No not drowning it's shallow water blackout. Just posted that op seemed desperate

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/shallow-water-blackout.4315/

 

[Cathy Ames]

Hey guys. I never though I would ever come to forum like that but I'd like to tell you my story. I'm 30 years and I small and distant region of Russia in a city with 40k pop.
Before you say anything: I'm not supporting what is going and I never did. I always voted against current government every chance I had just to get opposition in but they would just cheat remaining voices and win anyway.
I don't want to kill myself but I have no other option. I'm stuck with limited amount of money that is barely enough to last for a couple months and I lost my job. Nobody is hiring anymore because economy just collapsed in matter of days. Russia is fully isolated from outside world and internet would be next. The situation is going get so much worse than it is right now. And right now is currency crashed. Prices for food and everything skyrocketed and most of the time groceries are empty. I need a lot of meds to control my Acid Reflux and fix stomach issues. They are kinda of permanent. I always need medication against headache because if I don't take it I would get a massive migraine like headache related that is going to last for 3 days straight and no painkillers could fix it. You can't imagine how much I've been stressing and crying since February 23. I dont have any real life friends, relatives no parents. I'm completely alone and what's coming on me is unavoidable and I have no control over it. This country and everyone who left in it are doomed to starve and die in poverty. It's truly horrible. Sometimes I think that I'd rather be in Ukraine and just instantly die from something than stay here and slowly waiting for the end. I can't even run away because I live so far away in Russia and most countries closed their boarders and the ones who are not have enter restrictions. Neither do I have money to run away.

I really don't know what to do. I've read lots of posts on this forum for the past week and I've read the Peaceful Pill book. But the more I research about the more I realize that nothing that been described and posted is available in Russia. Literally nothing. Another problem is that I'm just a coward and I'm scared. I literally can't do anything and I can't stop crying because of it. I can't even properly kill myself with what is available. I really need your help guys. I promise you, I would never come to place like that if it wasn't serious. I'm old and mature enough and my problems are way serious than other people have. At least I think they are. Please suggest me something, help me to find a way out or just at least talk to me.

I'm guessing the answer is no, but do you have a vehicle? Do you have even one contact who is also alone in the world, even an elderly neighbor, a distant relative in another city, or someone like that?

 

[Of The Universe]

I'm hoping like hell they get a cease fire and negotiate. I am not too optimistic,but still hope.

 

[Baatz]

Some people in the west get it. Whenever I hear about protesters in Russia I think "Those are some brave fuckers."

It's hard enough living with suicidal thoughts. Other health issues, lack of job, money, food…compounding factors that make it unbearable. I hope something changes for your sake and the innocent people being hurt and killed in Ukraine and Russia. Hang on as long as you can.

 

[hankbank3928]

I feel so sorry for you man :( your story breaks my heart. I wish I could help.
Maybe you could die by food and water fasting? I read somewhere that that is somewhat peaceful…

 

[Suicideseki]

Hey guys. I never though I would ever come to forum like that but I'd like to tell you my story. I'm 30 years and I small and distant region of Russia in a city with 40k pop.
Before you say anything: I'm not supporting what is going and I never did. I always voted against current government every chance I had just to get opposition in but they would just cheat remaining voices and win anyway.
I don't want to kill myself but I have no other option. I'm stuck with limited amount of money that is barely enough to last for a couple months and I lost my job. Nobody is hiring anymore because economy just collapsed in matter of days. Russia is fully isolated from outside world and internet would be next. The situation is going get so much worse than it is right now. And right now is currency crashed. Prices for food and everything skyrocketed and most of the time groceries are empty. I need a lot of meds to control my Acid Reflux and fix stomach issues. They are kinda of permanent. I always need medication against headache because if I don't take it I would get a massive migraine like headache related that is going to last for 3 days straight and no painkillers could fix it. You can't imagine how much I've been stressing and crying since February 23. I dont have any real life friends, relatives no parents. I'm completely alone and what's coming on me is unavoidable and I have no control over it. This country and everyone who left in it are doomed to starve and die in poverty. It's truly horrible. Sometimes I think that I'd rather be in Ukraine and just instantly die from something than stay here and slowly waiting for the end. I can't even run away because I live so far away in Russia and most countries closed their boarders and the ones who are not have enter restrictions. Neither do I have money to run away.

I really don't know what to do. I've read lots of posts on this forum for the past week and I've read the Peaceful Pill book. But the more I research about the more I realize that nothing that been described and posted is available in Russia. Literally nothing. Another problem is that I'm just a coward and I'm scared. I literally can't do anything and I can't stop crying because of it. I can't even properly kill myself with what is available. I really need your help guys. I promise you, I would never come to place like that if it wasn't serious. I'm old and mature enough and my problems are way serious than other people have. At least I think they are. Please suggest me something, help me to find a way out or just at least talk to me.

О, даров соотечественник. Так ты ж можешь достать нитрит натрия и метоклопрамид в РФ. Я через 2 часа выпиливаюсь нахуй. Мето без рецепта продают в аптеке, с приобритением нитрита так же не возникло проблем. Ты пытался купить SN?

 

[Lost Magic]

О, даров соотечественник. Так ты ж можешь достать нитрит натрия и метоклопрамид в РФ. Я через 2 часа выпиливаюсь нахуй. Мето без рецепта продают в аптеке, с приобритением нитрита так же не возникло проблем. Ты пытался купить SN?

Russian to English translation
Oh, gifts compatriot. So you can get sodium nitrite and metoclopramide in Russia. I'm out of my mind in 2 hours. Meto without a prescription is sold in a pharmacy, and there were no problems with the purchase of nitrite either. Have you tried to buy SN?

 

[unkuto]

О, даров соотечественник. Так ты ж можешь достать нитрит натрия и метоклопрамид в РФ. Я через 2 часа выпиливаюсь нахуй. Мето без рецепта продают в аптеке, с приобритением нитрита так же не возникло проблем. Ты пытался купить SN?

Я надеюсь, что ты еще не убил себя. Пожалуйста скажи как это называется в аптеках точно на русском языке и можешь подсказать что и где продается и в каком виде. Пожалуйста, очень нужна эта информация.

To the rest people who doesn't understand Russia: the guy above said I should be able to get Sodium nitrite and Metoclopramide in Russia. I'm trying to find where and how exactly and what exactly I can do with it?

 

[Suicideseki]

Я надеюсь, что ты еще не убил себя. Пожалуйста скажи как это называется в аптеках точно на русском языке и можешь подсказать что и где продается и в каком виде. Пожалуйста, очень нужна эта информация.

To the rest people who doesn't understand Russia: the guy above said I should be able to get Sodium nitrite and Metoclopramide in Russia. I'm trying to find where and how exactly and what exactly I can do with it?

Ну так и называется. "Метоклопрамид". Де-юре отпускается по рецепту, де-факто продается свободно, рецепт предъявлять не нужно. В кои то веки я рад, что живу в распиздяйской пидорахии, лол.
>что и где
SN взял в "магазине химических рактивов" в Челябинске недели 2 назад. 1 килорамм. Чистый для анализа. За рублей 300. Ничего им предъявлять не надо было, продают всем кому не попадя. Фото прикладываю, хотя я уже обрезал и выбросил этикетку того магаза, чтоб его не закрыли после моей смерти нахуй, мало ли. Но этот магазин 1 на весь Челябинск.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Ну так и называется. "Метоклопрамид". Де-юре отпускается по рецепту, де-факто продается свободно, рецепт предъявлять не нужно. В кои то веки я рад, что живу в распиздяйской пидорахии, лол.
>что и где
SN взял в "магазине химических рактивов" в Челябинске недели 2 назад. 1 килорамм. Чистый для анализа. За рублей 300. Ничего им предъявлять не надо было, продают всем кому не попадя. Фото прикладываю, хотя я уже обрезал и выбросил этикетку того магаза, чтоб его не закрыли после моей смерти нахуй, мало ли. Но этот магазин 1 на весь Челябинск.View attachment 88704

Is the propranolol over the counter there, too?

 

[Suicideseki]

Is the propranolol over the counter there, too?

Nope, just Meto, antacid and paracetamol

 

[Lost Magic]

Nope, just Meto, antacid and paracetamol

Pretty amazed that a wee shop would sell meto, anti-acid and SN. It's as if they know something haha
You gave Unkuto good advice there. I think this knowledge will help your fellow Russian sufferers. Nice one!
Btw store that bag in an airtight container in a cool cupboard or something. You don't want any moisture getting near it.

 

[indigomoon]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no words of advice but I will keep you in my prayers. Not much I know but it is all I have.

 

[Suicideseki]

Pretty amazed that a wee shop would sell meto, anti-acid and SN. It's as if they know something haha
You gave Unkuto good advice there. I think this knowledge will help your fellow Russian sufferers. Nice one!
Btw store that bag in an airtight container in a cool cupboard or something. You don't want any moisture getting near it.

You probably misunderstood me, I bought the drugs at the pharmacy, and SN at the chemical reagents store.
>Btw
I'm afraid there's no reason to keep it in an isolated place, because I'm going out in an hour