my life is hell and i feel evil

[fantasticalreality]

I hate myself. really really embarrassing stupid thing happened with my friend. and im just ashamed of making him feel bad by being such a dickhead all the time and taking teasing too far. i like him a lot, a lot a lot. And i just always get aggressive or weirdly defensive with people when i like them. I wish i could express affection like normal. I hate myself. and i hate my terrible miserable house and life. im so tortured and all i do is play video games every free second so i dont have to think about how miserable my reality is. I hate myself. I hate myself. And i barely have any friends. and i just wish i was dead so i didnt have to feel this way for the rest of my life. it doesnt get better, the quiet static and deep hole of loneliness will never budge. Fuck.

 

[larplarpsahur]

ur able to see whats wrong with u so thats atleast something good about u, goodluck with whatever u decide to do next

 

[hurb]

The older u get the harder it is to make friends too. I used to think its still possible but had to find out the hard way that people that play videogames or are chronically online in genral are around 16 to 19 years old.
All the 25 years olds either figured their life and have their own people alrdy or alrdy killed themsleves.
Fuck

 

[absolute failure]

I hate myself. really really embarrassing stupid thing happened with my friend. and im just ashamed of making him feel bad by being such a dickhead all the time and taking teasing too far. i like him a lot, a lot a lot. And i just always get aggressive or weirdly defensive with people when i like them. I wish i could express affection like normal. I hate myself. and i hate my terrible miserable house and life. im so tortured and all i do is play video games every free second so i dont have to think about how miserable my reality is. I hate myself. I hate myself. And i barely have any friends. and i just wish i was dead so i didnt have to feel this way for the rest of my life. it doesnt get better, the quiet static and deep hole of loneliness will never budge. Fuck.

Real. I am just good at hiding my emotions otherwise i would be in a psych ward for sure.