my life is hell and i feel evil

[fantasticalreality]

I hate myself. really really embarrassing stupid thing happened with my friend. and im just ashamed of making him feel bad by being such a dickhead all the time and taking teasing too far. i like him a lot, a lot a lot. And i just always get aggressive or weirdly defensive with people when i like them. I wish i could express affection like normal. I hate myself. and i hate my terrible miserable house and life. im so tortured and all i do is play video games every free second so i dont have to think about how miserable my reality is. I hate myself. I hate myself. And i barely have any friends. and i just wish i was dead so i didnt have to feel this way for the rest of my life. it doesnt get better, the quiet static and deep hole of loneliness will never budge. Fuck.