Help my lack of fear scares me

[bluegodism]

i couldn't be more relaxed. i'm not afraid of anything involving my ctb. on the other hand, i read something that left me thinking: one person told me that the lack of desperation when committing made him give up.

contradicting what i said at the beginning, i'm afraid of it. not much, it's not something that keeps me up at night, but there's still that concern.

i'm sure i'll make it, but there's still that little fear of it stopping me. any tips? advices?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i've realized you have to accept that you will always feel fear about kys. it's a primal self preservation instinct. we were not wired for suicide. i'm hoping that by knowing & (kinda) accepting this, it'll be much easier for me to go through w it when i go back to my jumping spot.

 

[Tears in Rain]

i couldn't be more relaxed.

Fear not, the Little Bastard S.I. will probably greet you as you head for the exit door!

 

[bluegodism]

i've realized you have to accept that you will always feel fear about kys. it's a primal self preservation instinct. we were not wired for suicide. i'm hoping that by knowing & (kinda) accepting this, it'll be much easier for me to go through w it when i go back to my jumping spot.

maybe that's the problem. i don't think i'm afraid of killing myself. my fear is that this lack of fear will stop me, i don't know if that makes sense.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

maybe that's the problem. i don't think i'm afraid of killing myself. my fear is that this lack of fear will stop me, i don't know if that makes sense.

hmmm. think i get what u mean, i kinda feel the same. ever since i became unable to feel strong emotions, i've wondered if i'll be able to kms now that i no longer have that constant overbearing anguish as a driving force.

i think if you're truly meant to kys, like it's really the only logical option, u don't need to worry about not being able to do it bc living just isn't a choice for u.

 

[DesperateOne]

maybe that's the problem. i don't think i'm afraid of killing myself. my fear is that this lack of fear will stop me, i don't know if that makes sense.

Trust me, once your brain realizes you are about to CTB the SI will kick in like hell...

 

[Aim]

I can imagine this feels scary to you, especially since it's the most primal instinct. However it's almost faceniting. Did you try to google it?

I have read some threads here on sasu, that seems a bit similar to yours. We're it seemed like ctb was just like another day.

 

[bluegodism]

Trust me, once your brain realizes you are about to CTB the SI will kick in like hell...

it's scary. what is the normal period for this to happen? less than a week to go and i still don't feel anything bad.

I can imagine this feels scary to you, especially since it's the most primal instinct. However it's almost faceniting. Did you try to google it?

I have read some threads here on sasu, that seems a bit similar to yours. We're it seemed like ctb was just like another day.

what are you referring to?

 

[rozeske]

Don't hate it, it just means you will be one of the lucky once to escape easily. But knowing our dear old friend SI, you might be in for a big surprise.

 

[Tears in Rain]

it's scary. what is the normal period for this to happen? less than a week to go and i still don't feel anything bad.

I wouldn't get hung up on it, if you've a week to go it's not worth worrying about it. But S.I. can kick in even a few minutes before someone plans to ctb.

Once it becomes a very real thing in your mind, the inner animal survival hardwiring can swot the puney little conscious mind aside. Then the battle comes down to how badly you want it.

That's for most people anyway, it obviously varies. Maybe some people are so sure of their fate that S.I. takes a back seat for them and it's not much of an obstacle.