Story My insecurity and ego

[Saponification]

I never understood what exactly made me stop expressing myself. I guess it was the fact that my self-esteem was beaten to a pulp. I've become so afraid of rejection that pronouncing a single sentence feels like a moment of vulnerability. I supressed myself so much that not having a personality became my personality.

This combines with my big ego where, unless I'm absolutely sure that I'm going to say something of value, I don't speak. Which means that I almost never speak because I'm not exactly brilliant, as much as my egocentric-ass would like to think so.

As a result, I'm an extremely insecure egocentric introvert, which I suppose was my social downfall.

 

[Cosmophobic]

Jesus Christ can I relate to this. I've started to wonder if I don't express myself because there's nothing to express. There's just a void inside me where my personality should be.

My thoughts often amount to "I want to die" on repeat.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

Me too. I'm only really expressive with my few friends. Anywhere else and I am almost as quiet as can be but it wasn't always like that. At work there are multiple times a day where I think I'm going to say something, then I think "Is this even worth saying?" 99% of the time the answer will be no and I just keep my mouth shut and keep all my insecurities and grudges to myself.

 

[Grog]

I've been shown time and time again that people, even those who I thought were friends, don't care to hear what I have to say. So, I stay quiet.
But, around people that I like and trust, I am an open book~

 

[UnusedGate]

Same, when your always the punching bag what's the point of talking?

 

[Nightfoot]

Negative experiences can make it harder to reach out and express yourself. I hope you can find a way to keep trying, though, and that things get better for you.