Help My hate towards my parents keeps me from killing myself

[Ambie]

First of all my so called "parents" wouldnt tell anyone that i died by ctb, not even to my brother. Instead they would make some bullshit excuse for my death. They always have to sugarcoat things so that everyone'll think we have the "perfect" family.

It makes furious i can already imagine them giving a speech at my funeral, telling people these fake stories about how much they loved me and what i was like when i was alive, while in reality they never even tried to get to know me and we have been in no contact for 2 years. Those pieces of shit stole my whole childhood from me and neglected and traumatized me for 18 years. They gave me complex PTSD and dissociative disorder. They ruined all my changes to normal life and destroyed the person I was supposed to be. It makes me so fucking angry to think that if i killed myself the truth would never come out. i would take it to my grave.

I wish there was a way to make sure my parents are not allowed to give a speech at my funeral. They dont deserve it, they dont deserve to even be there.

I thought about writing a note but on a second thought that would be just unnecessarily cruel. I dont want them to blame themselves and think it was their fault (it totally is, but i dont want them to think that.) I dont want to cause any more suffering i just want to fucking die.

But i won't be able to let go because of this. fucking unbelievable. On top of everything else my parents have also ruined ctb for me.

 

[exhausted]

Wow, someone who feels the same way! I have said to a therapist in the past that I wouldn't want my parents coming to my funeral. I would roll in my grave! It is a bit too upsetting for me to say anything else, but I know how you feel. That's why I want to die abroad in a country that allows euthanasia, I die on my terms with the right people present.

 

[cowbain]

As weird as this may sound don't let them ruin your chances at peace, whether your peace is by ctb or recovery. Maybe you could write a note to your brother telling him about your wishes. At the end of the day its your funeral. Wish I could offer better advice.

 

[Ambie]

As weird as this may sound don't let them ruin your chances at peace, whether your peace is by ctb or recovery. Maybe you could write a note to your brother telling him about your wishes. At the end of the day its your funeral. Wish I could offer better advice.

They have already ruined it. I'm way too far gone to ever recover. And writing to my brother is not a possibility, he is only 13 and we havent even talked since i cut contact with my parents.

Im still hovering whether or not should i write the stupid note. I think i should just do it but then who knows if they're going to follow my wishes or if they are even going to get the note. AAAGH why is this happening to me..

Wow, someone who feels the same way! I have said to a therapist in the past that I wouldn't want my parents coming to my funeral. I would roll in my grave! It is a bit too upsetting for me to say anything else, but I know how you feel. That's why I want to die abroad in a country that allows euthanasia, I die on my terms with the right people present.

Same I would probably rise from the grave and murder them or something lol