Venting How do i stop letting people that I hate dominate my mind

[Leonard_Bangley39]

Every now and then, I can't help but let my mind wonder into a loop of lingering and ruminating on people or things that i hate. Just thinking about them pisses me off and can ruin my mood for almost the entire day.

But then sometimes, i think to myself how these people that I'm thinking about and hating, probably didn't even think about me ever. so why should i let them ruin my mood just by having them in my head?

And yet when when i tell myself that and try to just forget or focus on something else, i just can't stop it. i just hate them so much

 

[pepperfarmer]

It's kind of tough because processing that kind of stuff depends from person to person.

The most generic advice, and the one therapists will recommend at first, would be forgiveness. Although this kind of depends on whether they did something to you specifically, what they did if so, and whether that, in of itself, is the right choice for you, since some people can't forgive their abusers (which is perfectly understandable).

Avoidance and repression generally won't work. You'll have to find a way to deal with those feelings, and, depending on their nature, sit with them.

 

[maggineko]

Yo, I'm going through this too with my ex-friends and ex-boyfriend. It's been almost over a year but sometimes they run thru my mind and I hate that they still do. There would be points in my life, usually after freshly walking away from these people, where I would be so so angry for such a long time that I felt guilty for not being able to get over it, like I'd stuffed a bunch of cotton candy in my chest but it's sticky and heavy and gross.

I generally just learned to let it happen. I'm the type to push it away and pretend like I don't care at first, but it always comes back and bites me in the ass and makes me so deeply sad and angry. It's just a lot of "ugh stop doing it!" turning into "okay, so what if I feel like this? It doesnt change anything, it doesn't turn back time." And remembering these bad memories never stopped me from hanging out with real, good friends and trying to find niceness and joy in little bits of life. I don't want these fuckers to have the privilege to still fuck my life up even after I'd left them in the past.

But then sometimes, i think to myself how these people that I'm thinking about and hating, probably didn't even think about me ever. so why should i let them ruin my mood just by having them in my head?

Also, this part is something to consider. I had the same thought many times when they would pop up in my head more often, and I'd just be angry and irritated with myself that I'm apparently not getting over people who fucked me up. In my experience, I just started to write or post about or dedicate songs without shame because this is how I feel, I get to feel it, and people in the past shouldnt get to play any part in any of my choices and the way I choose to deal with my emotions. It might feel like the people popping up in ur head translates to "I'm letting them ruin my mood", but it's really "I'm letting them have power over me instead of letting it wash over me like water."

Idk if this made any sense, I'm honestly rambling a little because I'm also struggling with the same thing, but basically, just let it happen but dont let it ruin your mood. Don't give power to memories. Recalling and reminiscing and remembering is just a thing that can happen involuntarily, it's not on you.