My grandmother is going to pass away soon. I don't know what to do. I am broken.

[SadLoser]

She has brain cancer since June. She is now in hospital in a coma and she won't wake up again. I haven't spent enough time with her. When I should've been with her, I was "studying" and by that I mean I was getting distracted every 2 seconds and mostly flicking through random time-wasting sites to distract myself from my own hopelessness and then quickly cramming stuff last minute and still failing. Sometimes instead of going out with her to the shop or for coffee, I chose not to because I felt ugly and didn't want people looking at me. Now I realize how stupid I was being. I did talk to her and did some stuff with her, just not enough. I was locked up in my room way too much. After everything she has done for me, sometimes I got annoyed (not visibly) when she asked me to make her a sandwich because I was too lazy and selfish and cared about my own stupid problems like not having friends or a girlfriend or not liking college and just wanted to be alone in front of a screen feeling sorry for myself. I am with her in the hospital but I can't tell her how I feel.

She was the only person who ever cared about me. Even my own mother told me some years back that nobody other than my granny loves me. I'm about to have no one. I'm going to be all alone. It might not seem like it from this post, but i'm really about to have a mental breakdown. I feel like vomiting all the time. I have never felt this hopeless. I just can't see myself recovering from this. Who can I talk to? I'm going to have a panic attack. This just can't be real. My life is never going to be the same.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am sorry that you are in this situation, I can imagine that it must be devastating and painful. Life is very depressing after all, but the way I see it we will all die eventually someday, death is inevitable for us all. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

She has brain cancer since June. She is now in hospital in a coma and she won't wake up again. I haven't spent enough time with her. When I should've been with her, I was "studying" and by that I mean I was getting distracted every 2 seconds and mostly flicking through random time-wasting sites to distract myself from my own hopelessness and then quickly cramming stuff last minute and still failing. Sometimes instead of going out with her to the shop or for coffee, I chose not to because I felt ugly and didn't want people looking at me. Now I realize how stupid I was being. I did talk to her and did some stuff with her, just not enough. I was locked up in my room way too much. After everything she has done for me, sometimes I got annoyed (not visibly) when she asked me to make her a sandwich because I was too lazy and selfish and cared about my own stupid problems like not having friends or a girlfriend or not liking college and just wanted to be alone in front of a screen feeling sorry for myself. I am with her in the hospital but I can't tell her how I feel.

She was the only person who ever cared about me. Even my own mother told me some years back that nobody other than my granny loves me. I'm about to have no one. I'm going to be all alone. It might not seem like it from this post, but i'm really about to have a mental breakdown. I feel like vomiting all the time. I have never felt this hopeless. I just can't see myself recovering from this. Who can I talk to? I'm going to have a panic attack. This just can't be real. My life is never going to be the same

She has brain cancer since June. She is now in hospital in a coma and she won't wake up again. I haven't spent enough time with her. When I should've been with her, I was "studying" and by that I mean I was getting distracted every 2 seconds and mostly flicking through random time-wasting sites to distract myself from my own hopelessness and then quickly cramming stuff last minute and still failing. Sometimes instead of going out with her to the shop or for coffee, I chose not to because I felt ugly and didn't want people looking at me. Now I realize how stupid I was being. I did talk to her and did some stuff with her, just not enough. I was locked up in my room way too much. After everything she has done for me, sometimes I got annoyed (not visibly) when she asked me to make her a sandwich because I was too lazy and selfish and cared about my own stupid problems like not having friends or a girlfriend or not liking college and just wanted to be alone in front of a screen feeling sorry for myself. I am with her in the hospital but I can't tell her how I feel.

She was the only person who ever cared about me. Even my own mother told me some years back that nobody other than my granny loves me. I'm about to have no one. I'm going to be all alone. It might not seem like it from this post, but i'm really about to have a mental breakdown. I feel like vomiting all the time. I have never felt this hopeless. I just can't see myself recovering from this. Who can I talk to? I'm going to have a panic attack. This just can't be real. My life is never going to be the same.

I understand you perfectly. My grandmother is the most important person to me and was always the only person who always supported me. I don't have a close relationship with either of my parents. And for a few years now she has started to become demented and doesn't always remember me, it's hard. Especially since I am far away from her. I wish you a lot of strength.

 

[Rational man]

Your Grandmother will probably pass away with this horrible.disease. Surely, spending some time with her meant the world to her. I bet she.didnt complain. So now forgive YOU and recall.the precious times. You dont.need to tell her.how.you.feel because she already.knows !

 

[GlassAlwaysEmpty]

My Grandmother passed away a few years ago, and like you I was extremely close to her, she basically brought me up and was closer to a mum than my gran.

My gran went very suddenly so I wasn't able to say goodbye or tell her everything I wanted to so I understand what you're going through.

It's going to be hard I'm not going to lie. But she would have known you loved her so don't beat yourself over things you wished you would have done different. We have all have regrets, there's things I wish I said to my gran before she went or things I did differently.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I'd talk to her and tell her your feelings and your regrets. Hearing is supposed to be one of the last things to go so she probably will hear even if she can't respond. I feel like even when people become in a state where they're unaware they must still gain reassurance from having others around. I'd be scared to death in absolute quiet. In fact, my depression gets worse in states like this. When one of my grandmothers' passed away my family had a bad relationship with her and I was too young to do things on my own, so I didn't even get to visit her in the hospital. I think we went once and she just seemed to hate us and I couldn't speak up. Even if she can't answer I'd just say talk to her. It's okay to cry and let yourself feel emotions as well, it shows how important she is to you. Maybe letting them out some will help ease the pressure just a bit. That's just my thoughts on it, I wish I could have vocalized many things and regret I didn't. Part of speaking the words I think can help us as well, to get them out.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Losing a loved one is always hard, and dealing with the regrets is as well. I wish you the best going forward and strength.

 

[Sadism]

It's just the cruelty of life, everyone is going to die eventually. At least you know she gonna pass away soon so you can spend some time with her, mine died without notice I couldn't even say goodbye. She was the woman who raised me as a kid.

 

[symphony]

I'm so sorry. Brain cancer is an absolute bitch. And it's so hard to be present with someone when doing so means watching them deteriorate and die. Please do what you can to be gentle with yourself, don't blame yourself for not doing more, and take care of yourself, even if that means just doing the basics like getting good sleep and good food.

 

[KimKevorkian]

Oh man, I could have written this, but it was re: my beloved mom/best pal in the world. I spent the last days and hours in another room. She had another, really nasty personality that came out and I didn't want it to start screaming. But it wan't her. It was the vascular dementia. Her brain wasn't receiving enough nutrients and oxygen. B/c she's goone is why I will ctb. I balled and balled and balled. Six plus mos later, I'm barely better. All alone.

Lots of regrets I wasn't there holding her hand as she passed, though she came to her senses for abt ten minutes, recognized me, I told her of her confusing me with her late father and late brother. She mouthed "Oh my God." I want to die. We hugged, I put one of her favorite jazz pianists on with headphones and she did pass. She predicted it days before, I wish she had access to a peaceful pill however.

Yes, agree 1000% with poster above...express yourself to her and share your love with her and gratitude for her and ask her to communicate with you if there's the slightest chance (I haven't heard anything personally, so be prepared for no "signs', etc). You can avoid the huge regrets I have by correcting that with her by talking with her. Overwhelming evidence on people in comas who do hear you. Ck out channel, New Thinking Allowed on YouTube. Quite interesting. You're a deeply caring person. Do yourself a favor and get to her before it's too late.
As it was, she was here in hospice and she was throwing all liquids up, all. So one usually passes from that. That's supposed to be another peaceful way to go...stop eating, then stop all fluids. You'll drift off. There's a couple who did this and the wife wrote a book about it after her husband, Scott Nearing, did it, It's titled, LIVING AND LEAVING THE GOOD LIFE by Helen Nearing.

 

[SadLoser]

My Grandmother passed away a few years ago, and like you I was extremely close to her, she basically brought me up and was closer to a mum than my gran.

My gran went very suddenly so I wasn't able to say goodbye or tell her everything I wanted to so I understand what you're going through.

It's going to be hard I'm not going to lie. But she would have known you loved her so don't beat yourself over things you wished you would have done different. We have all have regrets, there's things I wish I said to my gran before she went or things I did differently.

I'd talk to her and tell her your feelings and your regrets. Hearing is supposed to be one of the last things to go so she probably will hear even if she can't respond. I feel like even when people become in a state where they're unaware they must still gain reassurance from having others around. I'd be scared to death in absolute quiet. In fact, my depression gets worse in states like this. When one of my grandmothers' passed away my family had a bad relationship with her and I was too young to do things on my own, so I didn't even get to visit her in the hospital. I think we went once and she just seemed to hate us and I couldn't speak up. Even if she can't answer I'd just say talk to her. It's okay to cry and let yourself feel emotions as well, it shows how important she is to you. Maybe letting them out some will help ease the pressure just a bit. That's just my thoughts on it, I wish I could have vocalized many things and regret I didn't. Part of speaking the words I think can help us as well, to get them out.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Losing a loved one is always hard, and dealing with the regrets is as well. I wish you the best going forward and strength.

It's just the cruelty of life, everyone is going to die eventually. At least you know she gonna pass away soon so you can spend some time with her, mine died without notice I couldn't even say goodbye. She was the woman who raised me as a kid.

I'm so sorry. Brain cancer is an absolute bitch. And it's so hard to be present with someone when doing so means watching them deteriorate and die. Please do what you can to be gentle with yourself, don't blame yourself for not doing more, and take care of yourself, even if that means just doing the basics like getting good sleep and good food.

Oh man, I could have written this, but it was re: my beloved mom/best pal in the world. I spent the last days and hours in another room. She had another, really nasty personality that came out and I didn't want it to start screaming. But it wan't her. It was the vascular dementia. Her brain wasn't receiving enough nutrients and oxygen. B/c she's goone is why I will ctb. I balled and balled and balled. Six plus mos later, I'm barely better. All alone.

Lots of regrets I wasn't there holding her hand as she passed, though she came to her senses for abt ten minutes, recognized me, I told her of her confusing me with her late father and late brother. She mouthed "Oh my God." I want to die. We hugged, I put one of her favorite jazz pianists on with headphones and she did pass. She predicted it days before, I wish she had access to a peaceful pill however.

Yes, agree 1000% with poster above...express yourself to her and share your love with her and gratitude for her and ask her to communicate with you if there's the slightest chance (I haven't heard anything personally, so be prepared for no "signs', etc). You can avoid the huge regrets I have by correcting that with her by talking with her. Overwhelming evidence on people in comas who do hear you. Ck out channel, New Thinking Allowed on YouTube. Quite interesting. You're a deeply caring person. Do yourself a favor and get to her before it's too late.
As it was, she was here in hospice and she was throwing all liquids up, all. So one usually passes from that. That's supposed to be another peaceful way to go...stop eating, then stop all fluids. You'll drift off. There's a couple who did this and the wife wrote a book about it after her husband, Scott Nearing, did it, It's titled, LIVING AND LEAVING THE GOOD LIFE by Helen Nearing.

Thanks guys. I told her everything I wanted to and I also had a casual chat about the weather and things like that. I like to think she was able to hear me, although I did get no signs.