Venting My Girlfriends Fake

[Bobbylobby]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly half a year. We talk on the phone and message each other and all that (though she'll sometimes take hours to respond). The thing is everytime I invite her to do something she will either say no despite her not doing anything that day or flake last minute. It's so damn infuriating, I try my best to give her attention and the one time I actually told her "it feels like you're intentionally not seeing me" she got super defensive and blamed my schizophrenia and that I'm just paranoid. I think she either gets off on me being a lonely sack of shit or she's cheating, honestly at this point I don't really care, she says she loves me but I ain't feeling it.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

This is common when there's an imbalance of wants in the relationship, or if she feels smothered. It's helpful if you try to develop more of your own life. Which is easier said than done, I know. If you can't manage to gain more friends, independent interests, or work/study that preoccupies you, then your next best bet is to mirror. So if she's not feeling you and dragging her feet on the messages, then take a while to respond yourself. Try to match your energy to hers in a way that feels as organic as possible. You don't want to play games, but you also don't want to be hanging on her every word or minute of her time.

What I find is that making your partner the sole focus of your life is generally really unattractive, and many have a sort of visceral reaction to that. It feels doubly cruel in a world that seems lonelier than ever, but we can't really help how people are wired.

It may be that ultimately you two don't really vibe or have the same desires going forward, and while that's really rough, all you can do is accept it. But if you pull back a bit and she seems more invested as a result, that's an indication that she doesn't want to lose you. And hopefully if you do manage to undertake more things on your own, you can gain some self-esteem and a sense of independence, which is always good. You might find that you don't truly want or need this after all. Either way, you'll have a bit more clarity and autonomy.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Bobbylobby]

This is common when there's an imbalance of wants in the relationship, or if she feels smothered. It's helpful if you try to develop more of your own life. Which is easier said than done, I know. If you can't manage to gain more friends, independent interests, or work/study that preoccupies you, then your next best bet is to mirror. So if she's not feeling you and dragging her feet on the messages, then take a while to respond yourself. Try to match your energy to hers in a way that feels as organic as possible. You don't want to play games, but you also don't want to be hanging on her every word or minute of her time.

What I find is that making your partner the sole focus of your life is generally really unattractive, and many have a sort of visceral reaction to that. It feels doubly cruel in a world that seems lonelier than ever, but we can't really help how people are wired.

It may be that ultimately you two don't really vibe or have the same desires going forward, and while that's really rough, all you can do is accept it. But if you pull back a bit and she seems more invested as a result, that's an indication that she doesn't want to lose you. And hopefully if you do manage to undertake more things on your own, you can gain some self-esteem and a sense of independence, which is always good. You might find that you don't truly want or need this after all. Either way, you'll have a bit more clairty and autonomy.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks man, she's really the only thing keeping me going at the moment but I'll try to cool it, slow it down and all. Get new things to focus on besides her, thanks again man you mean a lot

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Thanks man, she's really the only thing keeping me going at the moment but I'll try to cool it, slow it down and all. Get new things to focus on besides her, thanks again man you mean a lot

No worries, I've been there more times than I can count. I think a lot of women enjoy their options and sociability. Whereas oftentimes all us lonely dudes want to do is hunker down into something cosy with the girl we like.