My girlfriend is doubting our relationship and I feel myself slipping

[Tired&Drained]

The title isn't meant to imply that it's wrong to exit or to not care it's just what I relate most to, being with her I have or had a will to live, a genuine desire to keep trudging forward beyond just not wanting to hurt people by offing myself, yesterday she talked about how she had doubts about the relationship and I just broke, use being twin flames, neither of us being solid foundations, her being an introvert and me an extrovert, and I'm sure her wanting an open relationship and me not wanting it cause demi and attachment and abandonment issues doesn't help.

So I'm back here for the first time in months, maybe we won't fix it and I'll be truly peering into the abyss like the last breakup we had, or maybe I'm in a stronger more stable spot now, maybe us breaking up would be good in the long term even if it feels so gross to type that.

I've been thinking a lot about Russian roulette and how cool it would be to gamble with that, or if a robber came into the store and I traded everything for the gun, took a Lyft somewhere and shot myself. Everything fades, everything ends, the night is darkest before the dawn and the day is brightest before the dusk, I'm not sure I even believe in progress or whatever anymore, there's just being with what is, maybe I'm closer to being enlightened or maybe I'm just repressing how deeply I care and how hurt and scared I am.

Could one of you fine folks come kill me in my sleep or just come and shoot me in the waking world, I either want it or don't care anymore, maybe both

 

[Un-]

You owe it to yourself to find a purpose in life that doesn't rely on someone.. I've done that.. Multiple times. One person, to the next, devoting myself to that relationship.. It feels amazing, but that's the danger of it.

People will never be in your life forever. People are just chapters in our lives. Nothing more.. They pass us by. They stay for a while, sometimes, but not forever. So it's.. Important that you find reasons to live.. That are solid..

Friend, I hope you don't end your life over this. Maybe you've been through a lot.. You haven't mentioned it here. But, please, consider putting yourself first. Consider living for yourself, and disallowing people and relationships to be anything more than what they are: ephemeral.

Sending tight hugs!

 

[Worndown]

I will guess you are more scared of the future than anything. While you may have been mutually supporting, there is a lifestyle difference that cannot be overlooked. If you consented, would that resolve her doubts? How would you handle that? If you deny, you know the result. Is her request just a reason for her to move on knowing you are against it.
You have a lot to think about. Is there anyone you can discuss this with?

 

[lonewolf22]

Never make others the cause for your will to live. In the end they will always let you down. The will to live has to come from within. Everything else is just filler

 

[Snatsbats]

If your gf wants to open up the relationship its over my man. She wants to cheat without feeling guilty

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If you want to off yourself over someone else, that's on you man. Not a good enough reason for me. Not questioning the validity of your reason. All reasons are valid on a personal level. I could just never understand people who ctb over break-ups and the like. sure it hurts for a long time. But, it's just chemicals in the brain at the most basic level that subside with time. I guess, for me, I just needed more profound reasons to me, which I have. But, in the end, you need to do what you think is nest for you. At the very least, IMO, you should do some deep inner reflection and make sure that's what you really want to do cause there aint no coming back from it.

 

[SadVegan]

How i wish someone could kill me in my sleep. Without me knowing just not be for eternity.

 

[Tired&Drained]

You owe it to yourself to find a purpose in life that doesn't rely on someone.. I've done that.. Multiple times. One person, to the next, devoting myself to that relationship.. It feels amazing, but that's the danger of it.

People will never be in your life forever. People are just chapters in our lives. Nothing more.. They pass us by. They stay for a while, sometimes, but not forever. So it's.. Important that you find reasons to live.. That are solid..

Friend, I hope you don't end your life over this. Maybe you've been through a lot.. You haven't mentioned it here. But, please, consider putting yourself first. Consider living for yourself, and disallowing people and relationships to be anything more than what they are: ephemeral.

Sending tight hugs!

But how do I do that?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

But how do I do that?

You have to cultivate the sense that you're engaged in something worthwhile that isn't contingent on other people. That's not an overnight thing.

But your girlfriend hasn't broken up with you yet. And even if she does, how you feel in the immediate aftermath isn't necessarily how you're always going to feel.

 

[Un-]

You have to cultivate the sense that you're engaged in something worthwhile that isn't contingent on other people. That's not an overnight thing.

But your girlfriend hasn't broken up with you yet. And even if she does, how you feel in the immediate aftermath isn't necessarily how you're always going to feel.

Yeah what she said. I couldn't tell you how to find a true and meaningful purpose.. I suppose that's what counsellors and maund psychologists are for.

Even though there are a lot of horror stories from the people on this forum about health professionals, please realise that everyone in this forum is a minority of people. There are far more positive experiences with these professionals.

So, if you can, give them a chance. I'm doing the same as well - I'm no hypocrite.

Goodluck soldier. You're much more than the people you surround yourself with.

 

[hopelessdreams]

romantic relationships are the best and worst things in this world. they can provide a lot of comfort but leave you feeling hurt in the end.

i wouldn't stay in the relationship if you're not comfortable with an open relationship.

i saw you asked how to find purpose in other ways in this world to another member and i have some tips that might help; i've been in the same situation you are currently in, a few months ago.

what i first did was block him anywhere and everywhere so i didn't receive any more notifications for him. it's scientifically proven you can't get over a person when you see what they're doing on a daily basis. the brain needs to think that person is in the past (aka dead) to actually move on.

then i set a goal for myself. mine was getting into working out and build some muscle. this may seem superficial but it thought me mental and physical strength as well as discipline to pursue the goals i set for myself. the rule i lived (and still live by) is "emotion follows action." so even if i didn't feel like doing shit, i forced myself to do it so that my emotions would change eventually.

i really hope you can gain something from this and try to find something that fulfills you in this world instead of opting to ctb because of her. you can always pm me.