My girlfriend has depression and I'd like to understand better how she feels. Can you share how depression makes you feel?

[Eternal Oblivion]

I'll keep it short. I've been dating for two years and she have this phases when she will barely even text me. We go for days without talking. She won't open up much. I know depression is serious, people kill themselfs over it, and I imagine hers is severe. Would just like to better understand how she feels.

 

[dopaminedeath]

like the brown poop emoji

 

[myownpetvirus]

Just imagine an agonizing, painful mental state where nothing makes you happy whatsoever. You want to withdrawal from people completely because they don't want to be seen so unhappy. Nothing brings you joy. Just listen to Something in the Way by Nirvana

 

[born2win]

it's basically what you think of, all day. and that thought can come in form of sadness, anxiety, suicide and loneliness. Not sure where it exactly comes from but mine is from long inaction and increasing anxiety and loneliness. It's a rabbithole of depression

Just imagine an agonizing, painful mental state where nothing makes you happy whatsoever. You want to withdrawal from people completely because they don't want to be seen so unhappy. Nothing brings you joy. Just listen to Something in the Way by Nirvana

except beautiful sceneries right?

 

[myownpetvirus]

it's basically what you think of, all day. and that thought can come in form of sadness, anxiety, suicide and loneliness. Not sure where it exactly comes from but mine is from long inaction and increasing anxiety and loneliness. It's a rabbithole of depression

except beautiful sceneries right?

certain forms of depression or certain states I've been I can't even feel that

 

[lionetta12]

I'll keep it short. I've been dating for two years and she have this phases when she will barely even text me. We go for days without talking. She won't open up much. I know depression is serious, people kill themselfs over it, and I imagine hers is severe. Would just like to better understand how she feels.

Depression effects people differently, some people get so numb that they can't cry, some cry more often than usual, some withdraw from others while some seek comfort and someone to talk to. It's hard to explain how she could feel since depression can effect people in vastly different ways. A mild depression is a lot different from a severe depression.

 

[botanormal]

It feels very numbing at times. Like you could spend days, or even weeks, just laying in bed staring at the ceiling, letting the world pass you by. It is a very difficult cycle to break out of when you're in it. Everything feels empty - and if you do feel something, it is usually a very heavy sadness. I think I once went almost a week without leaving my bed at all in a heavy depressive episode - I even wet myself because I didn't want to get up. Not the best feeling for sure

 

[SamTam33]

Think of all the mundane and useless things you do each day in the name of existing (setting your alarm, brushing your teeth, figuring out what to eat, getting your oil changed).

Depression keeps you from pretending that stuff is appealing and necessary.

It's like having an epiphany all day, everyday. Somehow the curtain got pulled back and you stare at the ugliness behind it.

"Recovering" from depression is regaining your ability to play make-believe. Being able to pull your eyes away, closing the curtain and neatly tucking in the corners (until next time).

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It's probably different for everyone. It's not their fault and cannot really be helped.

 

[Rainy_days]

To me it's like being buried under a pile of stones. You know the sun is shining outside and can hear people enjoying themselves but you are stuck there all alone. If you try dig yourself out, more stones keep piling on so after awhile you say, "why bother?"

 

[sincerelysad]

when i go through bouts where my depression gets severe it legitimately feels like i am paralyzed. i can't take care of myself, i don't get out of bed, i don't respond to people. i do things that keep me comfortable and safe and usually that is isolating and laying in my bed.
i have no energy, nothing feels like it matters, etc etc etc

 

[GlassAlwaysEmpty]

I like how Jim Carrey once described depression.

"Depression is your body saying, 'I don't want to be this character anymore. I don't want to hold up this avatar that you've created in the world. It's too much for me,'"

 

[Dominicka]

That's hard to answer but I just wanted to say you're awesome for asking this question.

 

[oneeyed]

As what has been stated, it's different for everyone.
When you two are talking you can ask her how's she's feeling or you can ask if there's anything you can do for her. Asking what you can do for her rather than asking how you can help is better because people with depression often don't know what can help them and it's frustrating. But offering to do something for them like picking up a couple of things for groceries or something similar, is a small thing but it's one less thought swimming around in her head.
Never push on the subject, she'll open up when she wants to. It could take a long time so you must be very patient.
Showing you care how she feels without putting pressure and just being available will help secure trust and hopefully she will open up more then.

Hope this helps.

Edit: also never say; cheer up, it'll be fine, don't think about it, don't worry so much. Etc. We know all of this, but our thought processes makes it near impossible to do any of this.

 

[sevenkarmas]

Mine is situational. I've lost all motivation to do anything. Logging on to my work computer is like lifting a huge boulder. Eating is a chore. I take no pleasure in anything that I previously enjoyed. Plans I made have been tossed. The only respite is when I'm doing mindless routine tasks that distract me just enough. Before it started, my days were all over the place. Now, I get up before my alarm goes off, I shower, I do chores/tasks before work. Make the same breakfast. Walk to the office. Log in. I actually prefer to have work to do because it leaves me little time to think. If I'm in a slow period, I binge anything and everything - podcasts, Youtube, Forensic Files, etc. It doesn't matter what it is. I'm not actually paying attention. I just need the noise.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Thanks for all the replys, I've readed it all, appriciate it guys.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Depression, for me, feels like entirely shutting down… I don't want to see or communicate with anybody… I can't even be bothered to wash my clothes… Only thing I can do is eat and sleep…

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Like your mind is on fire.

 

[Sans]

I feel like I don't belong in this world. That hell is real and this earth is it. That no one cares about me so why should I even bother contributing to this world? (The last one isn't a feeling, it's a fact.)

I wish I had a girlfriend too. Maybe then I wouldn't kill myself.

 

[Dot]

Tryn2 wlk thru tar wth weights hangng frm chst

 

[CowsAgainstCapitali]

It's unbelievably difficult to express depression to someone who doesn't experience it. I'll say my main reason for depression is the general state of the world and ideology. Politics, war, economics, technology, concern over use and abuse of science, etc. But how does that feel?

Since I'm passionate about social topics, I talk about them as often as possible with others, to varying reception. Don't we all like to share our most important topics/opinions in the hopes others will as well?

Well, my extreme opinions lead me to have unrealistically high expectations for myself and others, which I acknowledge but refuse to accept.

I want to save the world. Sharing my views = You want to save the world.

If your views oppose mine, you don't want to save the world. You want to make it worse or you don't give a shit.

By my bad logic, most people don't give a shit. Now now, not a hundred years from now. We will never live in Star Trek. We're doomed to the Expanse at best.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Just imagine an agonizing, painful mental state where nothing makes you happy whatsoever. You want to withdrawal from people completely because they don't want to be seen so unhappy. Nothing brings you joy. Just listen to Something in the Way by Nirvana

those lyrics are mad

 

[MidnightCat]

when i go through bouts where my depression gets severe it legitimately feels like i am paralyzed. i can't take care of myself, i don't get out of bed, i don't respond to people. i do things that keep me comfortable and safe and usually that is isolating and laying in my bed.
i have no energy, nothing feels like it matters, etc etc etc

This is exacrly how I feel.

I can start the day with good attitude... and a minute later I'm not even able to speak or move when I try..

 

[Unending]

My depressive episodes include feeling like everything around me is gross, unappealing, repulsive, empty, etc and I just desperately need it to end.
Despair replaces all other emotions during a large chunk of time unless I distract myself enough to enjoy my computer or a video game.

 

[disillusion]

It messes the sleep. I know It is coming when i wake up at 4am and cannot go back to sleep ( even if i went yo bed at midnight).

 

[littlelady774]

Can't eat, just wanna sleep all the time. You try to do something, but your arms and legs just feel 50 pounds heavier

 

[ApproachingDeath]

I'll keep it short. I've been dating for two years and she have this phases when she will barely even text me. We go for days without talking. She won't open up much. I know depression is serious, people kill themselfs over it, and I imagine hers is severe. Would just like to better understand how she feels.

I first want to start with saying it's lovely to see you're active in trying to better understand your partner and her battle with depression.

Depression has many faces— meaning it can look different case by case to those who have it. Depression can be both chronic/persistent/reoccurring: lasting an extended period of time or acute: lasting a couple of weeks. Often times, acute depression is caused by a recent specific event such as: heartbreak, losing a job, failing a test, etc. If this is the case with your partner, you may want to try to discuss with her (if she is willing and ready) the circumstance that led to her depression and ask her ways you can better support her through it.
Although chronic depression can also be triggered or brought on by a specific event just as acute depression, in other cases, the person may not be able to pinpoint why they are feel depressed and just simply are depressed.

Just to reiterate, not all cases of depression look the same as someone can have experienced a singular tramuatic event, several tragic events, or even no specific event (genetics, chemically imbalanced) yet all still be affected by depression— chronically or acutely. However, in all cases of depression, the person suffering is enduring great sorrow to the extent that it is debilitating/interfering with their ability to make it through day-to-day life.
As previously stated, just as depression can occur due to a multitude of reasons, symptoms /varying degrees of said symptoms of depression can differ person to person. With that in mind, I will list common signs and symptoms of depression:
-sadness
-hopelessness
-feeling numb
-lack of motivation
-feeling of worthlessness
-feeling of loneliness
-low energy
-irregular sleep: too much or not enough
-lack of appetite or overeating
-lack of self care, hygiene
-loss of interest/pleasure in hobbies, people, activities, daily life
-irritability, mood swings, outbursts, emotional instability
-anxiety, worrying, feeling of impending doom
-negative thoughts/mindset
-low self esteem
-decrease libido
-trouble focusing, even on things they once enjoyed
-slowed thinking or rapid thoughts
-physical pain, headache
-avoidance of people, places
-damaging, risky behaviors
-thoughts of death, suicidal ideation

Depression is truly gut wrenching to endure as it's not only exhausting and scary, but it can deprive the person of their ability to take care of oneself, meet their basic needs, and have a fulfilling, quality life. Being in this depressed state of mind can truly threaten one's wellbeing because as it uproots everyday life, it also festers its way deeper into one's mind and dismantles the possibility of getting better or the idea of life being worth living.

With all this in mind, I hope you now have a greater understanding of some of what your partner may be going through and are better equipped in emphasizing with her suffering and how she decides to cope with her depression.

After you are finished educating yourself on depression, might I suggest the next course of action be communicating with your partner and asking her how you can comfort and support her. Everyone has different needs and preferences, and she may be able to tell you better than me or anyone else what assistance she would like from you.

I also suggest you look up additional resources that you may want to share with your partner such as the suicide hot line, therapists, psychiatrists, crisis centers, psychiatric wards, etc. If they are not in therapy or seeing a psychiatrist and show interest in seeking help from one or going to a psych ward, it may be a good idea to offer assistance in the process of finding and setting everything up because not only can it be tiring to do so but it can daunting to reach out for help.

:)

 

[thebloodofreptile]

Depression for me is what feels like my default state. It feels defeating. It feels like the world actually is trying to push me to ctb.
I used to self harm and didn't cry as much and went through a lot less depressive episodes but ever since I stopped about a year ago, all I do is cry and think about ctb. I cry about my pain, about others' pain. I cry about the world and my life and I think 90% of it is like being in mourning.
It sometimes begins to feel like I'm actually mourning the loss of myself. I'm not sure if I created a fictionalized version of who I was before I felt like this, but I swear I don't remember always feeling so hopeless. I remember being called gifted and talented. I remember being told I have tons of potential and was really going to make something of myself. And now I'm a big giant loser who's life is way too messy to clean up considering the huge lack of motivation in me.
I would say for me it's 90% mourning and 10% apathy/laziness. I'm sad because I could've been better and now I don't even feel like I should bother trying. Cyclical. It truly is an evil beast of an illness.

 

[Inferno]

Depression to me feels like a void, a pit of nothing. I feel like all of my emotion, hope and dreams have been sucked away by a black hole. Every day is miserable, I feel like a zombie.

 

[TydalWave]

For me depression and anxiety a double edged sword. It comes in waves, like a feeling of emptiness and negative-thought loops (i.e. self criticism, and hatred of yourself). The feelings are so extreme that it can be hard to do normal things. On top of that, for chronic depression, we become so used to the cycles that we know how useless we are and don't want to bring anyone else down with us; so we close ourselves off.

Especially if you are in a long term relationship, it can feel like a massive burden that you don't want to put on your SO.

Unfortunately, this often lead to more guilt, suffering and depression as you feel terrible for cutting people off. Hence the cycle.