Venting My girlfriend doesn't take depression seriously

[prettyclam]

Depression and suicidal thoughts are like an annoyance to her. I rarely open up about it to avoid stressing her out.

Whenever I do speak about my feelings, she dismisses them. She doesn't want to hear it because it shatters our otherwise normal relationship. She says depression is temporary and that I should go outside or whatever.

I don't blame her for not understanding depression. Its difficult to fathom that someones life could be so horrible that dying is better than living. Her underestimation upsets me though.

The new school year began yesterday, and she's saying her classes give her depression. Suffering isn't a competition, but it feels insulting hearing her words. Depression drives people to ctb. It takes the joy away from existing. For some of us, it's lifelong pain that no medicine or therapy will cure. To make things worse, you gotta prance around pretending like nothings wrong or else people will call you an attention seeker, and that's if they don't call a mental hospital instead. She also knows I get abused and have no opportunities to grow thanks to said abuse.

Depression is torture yet she compares it to a singular day of school. If school really makes her miserable, then I take everything I've said back. However, she claims it so casually, like when people say they have ocd when they sort their pencils a certain way. There's an obvious difference between the two.

I've tried educating her on the matter. My efforts are useless though. Nothing changes. Even after attempting to ctb, she doesn't get how debilitating depression is. At one point, she got angry at me because I was still depressed after getting professional help. She can't wrap her head around depression being an actual disease that doesn't disappear overnight. Her anger came from a place of care, but she literally said I don't try getting better. Might as well punch me in the face. Despite being hopeless, I still try appearing functional on the outside. Saying I'm not doing a good enough job stings.

She takes it so lightly it hurts. I love her, however this treatment is painful. Sometimes I wonder if she's only with me so I don't kill myself, although I've never used depression as a weapon or threat.

Idk what to do with her. How can I spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't accept this side of me? She only likes when I'm a happy girl that loves making jewelry and drawing, when in reality I've lost passion for things as simple as sleeping. I live for show. The second I break character, she spews the same insincere prolife phrases minimizing my pain. I understand that not everybody is a safe person to talk to, but at least listen. Listening can mean a lot, even if you're pretending.

My girlfriend has commented a lot of other insensitive things about depression. If I listed them all, then this post would go on forever. Time to go cut or something thanks for reading

 

[TBONTB]

Depression and suicidal thoughts are like an annoyance to her. I rarely open up about it to avoid stressing her out.

Whenever I do speak about my feelings, she dismisses them. She doesn't want to hear it because it shatters our otherwise normal relationship. She says depression is temporary and that I should go outside or whatever.

I don't blame her for not understanding depression. Its difficult to fathom that someones life could be so horrible that dying is better than living. Her underestimation upsets me though.

The new school year began yesterday, and she's saying her classes give her depression. Suffering isn't a competition, but it feels insulting hearing her words. Depression drives people to ctb. It takes the joy away from existing. For some of us, it's lifelong pain that no medicine or therapy will cure. To make things worse, you gotta prance around pretending like nothings wrong or else people will call you an attention seeker, and that's if they don't call a mental hospital instead. She also knows I get abused and have no opportunities to grow thanks to said abuse.

Depression is torture yet she compares it to a singular day of school. If school really makes her miserable, then I take everything I've said back. However, she claims it so casually, like when people say they have ocd when they sort their pencils a certain way. There's an obvious difference between the two.

I've tried educating her on the matter. My efforts are useless though. Nothing changes. Even after attempting to ctb, she doesn't get how debilitating depression is. At one point, she got angry at me because I was still depressed after getting professional help. She can't wrap her head around depression being an actual disease that doesn't disappear overnight. Her anger came from a place of care, but she literally said I don't try getting better. Might as well punch me in the face. Despite being hopeless, I still try appearing functional on the outside. Saying I'm not doing a good enough job stings.

She takes it so lightly it hurts. I love her, however this treatment is painful. Sometimes I wonder if she's only with me so I don't kill myself, although I've never used depression as a weapon or threat.

Idk what to do with her. How can I spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't accept this side of me? She only likes when I'm a happy girl that loves making jewelry and drawing, when in reality I've lost passion for things as simple as sleeping. I live for show. The second I break character, she spews the same insincere prolife phrases minimizing my pain. I understand that not everybody is a safe person to talk to, but at least listen. Listening can mean a lot, even if you're pretending.

My girlfriend has commented a lot of other insensitive things about depression. If I listed them all, then this post would go on forever. Time to go cut or something thanks for reading

It sounds like you and your girlfriend aren't really on the same page a lot. In this post she sounded more like someone who annoyed you than someone who you enjoyed and were supported by. Was that just a bad fifteen minutes, or is it deeper?

It does seem hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't take your sickness very seriously.

 

[renaxx]

I get what you mean. I've had people in my life say the same kind of stuff, like "just go outside" or "it's not that bad," and it honestly makes me feel more alone. Depression isn't something you can just snap out of, and it hurts when the people we love treat it that way.

 

[prettyclam]

It sounds like you and your girlfriend aren't really on the same page a lot. In this post she sounded more like someone who annoyed you than someone who you enjoyed and were supported by. Was that just a bad fifteen minutes, or is it deeper?

It does seem hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't take your sickness very seriously.

The depression stuff is where I get annoyed by her, otherwise we don't have much problems. She supports my "hobbies" and is generally a good girlfriend. It's just those little comments that bug me. Its weird how someone can both improve and worsen your mental health

 

[k1m]

Tell her this using "I" statements.

"When you dismiss my feelings, I feel..."

Also if she expresses her feelings clearly to you and you call it dumb, you're doing the same thing. Maybe she is really affected by the school day?

 

[prettyclam]

I get what you mean. I've had people in my life say the same kind of stuff, like "just go outside" or "it's not that bad," and it honestly makes me feel more alone. Depression isn't something you can just snap out of, and it hurts when the people we love treat it that way.

Riiight like they think they're helping but they're making a joke out of it. If depression could be cured by writing in a diary or looking on the bright side, then it wouldn't exist. If only it worked that way

Tell her this using "I" statements.

"When you dismiss my feelings, I feel..."

Also if she expresses her feelings clearly to you and you call it dumb, you're doing the same thing. Maybe she is really affected by the school day?

Noted for next time this problem comes up, & I am aware that what I wrote sounds hypocritical. The way she brought it up just rubbed me off the wrong way since she knows how depression has ruined my life. Her comparing the pain to an hour long music class felt kinda weird. I put effort into comforting her though, like offering to help with homework and stuff

 

[k1m]

Noted for next time this problem comes up, & I am aware that what I wrote sounds hypocritical. The way she brought it up just rubbed me off the wrong way since she knows how depression has ruined my life. Her comparing the pain to an hour long music class felt kinda weird. I put effort into comforting her though, like offering to help with homework and stuff

Adorable, rooting for you guys.

Having been in a relationship like this, it's probably not the fact that you're depressed that bothers her. It's the fact that you're depressed and she's not able to do anything about it. It helps to say exactly what you're looking for, like "hey, I don't want you to fix anything rn, I just want to vent and for you to be there for me."

I mean think about it. If she's looking forward to a future with you, hearing that you're depressed should be painful to her. It's OK to be depressed, but that can also hurt the people who love us, so they might minimize it or run away. It helps if you make her feel like she's enough for you, or she's helping you, instead of making it something she can never touch.