My friend died and I didn't

[dynastickitten]

A little over a year ago, my friend died from a botched gastric bypass surgery she was supposed to get to remedy her fatty liver disease. Around two months beforehand, her cousin and I were hanging out and I took some anti anxiety medication. Not too into drugs, but I decided to give them a test run because my friend and her cousin were planning to take them but didn't want to risk getting hurt, so I decided to be their guinea pig. I didn't take much, but it was a lethal dose. Spent the night in the hospital under threat of police intervention if I tried to leave. The poison control people were on a first name basis with me. I should have died. They didn't know how I managed to not die.

I fucked up bad, not even on purpose, but doing something genuinely stupid. And my friend? Died getting a surgery tons of other people around me have gotten.

Why wasn't it me? Got trampled by a fuckass horse a couple months after her death too. If I had gotten stepped on a couple inches higher I would have been disemboweled by those sharp metal shoes. And yet.

She was wonderful. She was full of life. I know this is just how things work out sometimes, but I just don't know how she died instead of me.

 

[Redacted24]

I'm so very sorry you had this happen. It's doubly rough (triply in your case because of the meds incident) when you'd like to go and someone else does. It's a shame that we can't sign something to trade that outcome for us and them. There's no explaining it.
My mother was always worried about my riding a motorcycle which I did all year, in snow as well, because they're dangerous. I kept trying to tell her that my horse riding was far more dangerous because those things have minds of their own... the bike just does what I tell it.
I've been over the bars on both among other things. Horse times were always worse.

 

[Rational man]

Life is a paradox . its so hard to die and yet life is fragile. Just last Week, a close by neighbour was found dead at home from natural causes, I understand..He wasnt that old but the police and medics had to break the door down following calls from worried friends. i was talking to him two-day s beforehand. And here is me with incurable illness,struggling and in pain and yet my body won't die yet. Im.sorry about your circumstances.

 

[turnoverover]

i'm sorry for your loss. i survived a suicide attempt that should have been foolproof and fatal too, and lost my closest friend to suicide in september 2022 from something that could have easily been reversible. there's just no end to the rumination for me. the human body is just so finicky

 

[Worndown]

Life is a series of random incidents.
You get old by not dying. Your freind did not. I am sorry but it just happens.

 

[girlsboysthems]

sorry to hear that man <3