ConfusedHurting2632
Student
- Dec 22, 2021
- 116
TL;DR Basically the mental hospital didn't help my mental state AT ALL, since the staff there just doesn't give a shit...and they gave me a bunch of wrong medications at the mental hospital that only made my mental state WORSE and literally made me develop NEW mental illnesses...before I basically was just a depressed suicidal person, now I have like 100+ different mental illnesses...I WISH I was joking...
Basically they sent me to a mental hospital for talking a lot about suicide and my plans of suicide and suicide attempts, and in the mental hospital they didn't really give a shit and just sort of gave ANY mental health medications to "get me to behave," and the medications they gave me ended up fucking me over and possibly "damaging my brain" for the rest of my life. It looks like the mental hospital staff treated all of their patients/clients in this same way, as a lot of them just sort of became "zombies" after taking their medications for a while, not just me.
TO AN EXTENT I can't blame my therapist, but what rubs me the wrong way is that they sent me to the mental hospital as a FIRST RESORT rather than trying other things first. Like I had just barely started therapy with them, and I had not taken ANY medications yet either...by the time they sent me to the mental hospital I had been doing therapy with them for like not even a month yet, while seeing them only weekly...so like only 3 sessions total or so.
And like I said, in the mental hospital they don't really give a shit. The mental hospital staff hate their jobs and just wanna give out ANY medication to get "the annoying, crazy mentally ill patients to shut the fuck up."
That's not the worst part though...I've been to the mental hospital 7 other times besides the first visit. So 8 times total. I kind of feel like if it hadn't been for the first visit, the other visits wouldn't have happened. And they gave me worse and worse medications on each visit.
I found out I had Bipolar Disorder (BP) instead of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) because the anti-depressants were HELL for me. They basically provoked really psychotic manic episodes where I was not only angry and violent but also incredibly delusional and literally seeing, hearing, and feeling things that weren't there...and I was doing reckless and risky things that could've and did have massive consequences...though all things considered the consequences were relatively tame compared to what could've been. Like at least I never got arrested or had anyone press any charges against me...at least...though I did still have to go back to the mental hospital for the psychotic manic episodes.
I've been on 11 different medications at this point, 3 of which I'm currently taking at the same time, so 8 before these 3. They included Lexapro, Abilify, Latuda, Invega, Prozac, Effexor XR, Lithium, Trazodone, Lamotrigine, Hydroxyzine, and Guanfacine. That's pretty much the exact order I took them in over time. I'm currently on Lamotrigine, Hydroxyzine, and Guanfacine now. Lamotrigine is basically a mood stabilizer, Hydroxyzine is basically an anxiety and anger medication, and Guanfacine is basically an ADHD medication. Lexapro, Prozac, and Effexor XR were the anti-depressants which provoked horrible manic episodes. Trazodone is an anti-depressant but I didn't have any manic episodes on it...probably because it was discontinued fast. Abilify, Latuda, and Invega were anti-psychotics, and while not nearly as bad as the anti-depressants still had very negative effects which made me feel and act like some sort of weird zombie who couldn't even walk or move their arms and legs properly. Lithium was the mood stabilizer, which is what I need, but it was discontinued in favor of Lamotrigine which just works better for me. Of the discontinued medications Trazodone and Lithium didn't really seem to have any noticeable negative effects yet, but my doctor had discontinued them because they could cause problems with sodium levels or something like that. The current 3 medications I'm taking seem to be doing a decent job for now. The first 8 medications were prescribed by the incompetent mental hospital doctors...the last/current 3 were prescribed by a doctor who actually had more experience and who was overall more professional.
By this point I've had 9 different therapists...I'm currently on the 8th and 9th...may sound weird, but one is the individual therapist for me, while the other is the group therapist. Before these two I had 7 different ones which are in the past now. But either way, at least none of the other therapists have been as bad as the first one.
As for psychiatrists/doctors/people who prescribe medications...technically I've had LOTS of different ones if you count all the mental hospital doctors I only saw like once each...like around 10 if not more...but if we're talking psychiatrists I actually saw more than once, only 2 really. They were the 2 more competent ones.
And yeah...mind you, it's not like my life was GOOD before I went to the mental institution for the first time...far from it. As far as I can remember I've always hated my life, myself, and the entire world. Ever since my earliest memories when I was just a little kid. But my life DEFINITELY got worse since my first mental hospital visit. Before my mental hospital visit my main problem was mainly just extreme depression and suicidal thoughts/wanting to commit suicide.
But now on top of that I'm bipolar and have to watch out for the possibility of extremely violent manic psychotic episodes, I'm potentially schizophrenic or schizoaffective since during those psychotic episodes I start to have lots of weird hallucinations, and even outside the psychotic episodes I can still often become paranoid or delusional...I have ADHD and can barely stand still, I have OCD and can't get certain thoughts or obsessions out of my head no matter how hard I try, I'm a psychopath (anti-social personality disorder) since I basically have zero empathy or compassion for all living things (people and animals, including my own self) and often have a desire to hurt both myself and others, I'm a narcissist since I think the whole world revolves around me and I can't put myself in other people's shoes or accept that some people just won't like me, I have borderline personality disorder since every little thing bothers me and I have zero control over my emotions, I have generalized anxiety disorder where I can't calm down no matter what, I potentially have multiple personality disorder since I sort of become a completely different person depending on my mood, and I have created several different personas in the past which though were supposed to be "characters" at first I then began to UNIRONICALLY believe I was those characters and had a hard time "snapping out of it"...
Basically, I now have like 100+ different mental illnesses all because I was sent to the mental hospital several times and began taking several wrong medications...yeah...my first therapist really DID ruin my life...I would say "indirectly" but it's almost DIRECTLY at this point...
That's about it really...really goes to show how an incompetent therapist can REALLY fuck you over HARD.
Basically they sent me to a mental hospital for talking a lot about suicide and my plans of suicide and suicide attempts, and in the mental hospital they didn't really give a shit and just sort of gave ANY mental health medications to "get me to behave," and the medications they gave me ended up fucking me over and possibly "damaging my brain" for the rest of my life. It looks like the mental hospital staff treated all of their patients/clients in this same way, as a lot of them just sort of became "zombies" after taking their medications for a while, not just me.
TO AN EXTENT I can't blame my therapist, but what rubs me the wrong way is that they sent me to the mental hospital as a FIRST RESORT rather than trying other things first. Like I had just barely started therapy with them, and I had not taken ANY medications yet either...by the time they sent me to the mental hospital I had been doing therapy with them for like not even a month yet, while seeing them only weekly...so like only 3 sessions total or so.
And like I said, in the mental hospital they don't really give a shit. The mental hospital staff hate their jobs and just wanna give out ANY medication to get "the annoying, crazy mentally ill patients to shut the fuck up."
That's not the worst part though...I've been to the mental hospital 7 other times besides the first visit. So 8 times total. I kind of feel like if it hadn't been for the first visit, the other visits wouldn't have happened. And they gave me worse and worse medications on each visit.
I found out I had Bipolar Disorder (BP) instead of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) because the anti-depressants were HELL for me. They basically provoked really psychotic manic episodes where I was not only angry and violent but also incredibly delusional and literally seeing, hearing, and feeling things that weren't there...and I was doing reckless and risky things that could've and did have massive consequences...though all things considered the consequences were relatively tame compared to what could've been. Like at least I never got arrested or had anyone press any charges against me...at least...though I did still have to go back to the mental hospital for the psychotic manic episodes.
I've been on 11 different medications at this point, 3 of which I'm currently taking at the same time, so 8 before these 3. They included Lexapro, Abilify, Latuda, Invega, Prozac, Effexor XR, Lithium, Trazodone, Lamotrigine, Hydroxyzine, and Guanfacine. That's pretty much the exact order I took them in over time. I'm currently on Lamotrigine, Hydroxyzine, and Guanfacine now. Lamotrigine is basically a mood stabilizer, Hydroxyzine is basically an anxiety and anger medication, and Guanfacine is basically an ADHD medication. Lexapro, Prozac, and Effexor XR were the anti-depressants which provoked horrible manic episodes. Trazodone is an anti-depressant but I didn't have any manic episodes on it...probably because it was discontinued fast. Abilify, Latuda, and Invega were anti-psychotics, and while not nearly as bad as the anti-depressants still had very negative effects which made me feel and act like some sort of weird zombie who couldn't even walk or move their arms and legs properly. Lithium was the mood stabilizer, which is what I need, but it was discontinued in favor of Lamotrigine which just works better for me. Of the discontinued medications Trazodone and Lithium didn't really seem to have any noticeable negative effects yet, but my doctor had discontinued them because they could cause problems with sodium levels or something like that. The current 3 medications I'm taking seem to be doing a decent job for now. The first 8 medications were prescribed by the incompetent mental hospital doctors...the last/current 3 were prescribed by a doctor who actually had more experience and who was overall more professional.
By this point I've had 9 different therapists...I'm currently on the 8th and 9th...may sound weird, but one is the individual therapist for me, while the other is the group therapist. Before these two I had 7 different ones which are in the past now. But either way, at least none of the other therapists have been as bad as the first one.
As for psychiatrists/doctors/people who prescribe medications...technically I've had LOTS of different ones if you count all the mental hospital doctors I only saw like once each...like around 10 if not more...but if we're talking psychiatrists I actually saw more than once, only 2 really. They were the 2 more competent ones.
And yeah...mind you, it's not like my life was GOOD before I went to the mental institution for the first time...far from it. As far as I can remember I've always hated my life, myself, and the entire world. Ever since my earliest memories when I was just a little kid. But my life DEFINITELY got worse since my first mental hospital visit. Before my mental hospital visit my main problem was mainly just extreme depression and suicidal thoughts/wanting to commit suicide.
But now on top of that I'm bipolar and have to watch out for the possibility of extremely violent manic psychotic episodes, I'm potentially schizophrenic or schizoaffective since during those psychotic episodes I start to have lots of weird hallucinations, and even outside the psychotic episodes I can still often become paranoid or delusional...I have ADHD and can barely stand still, I have OCD and can't get certain thoughts or obsessions out of my head no matter how hard I try, I'm a psychopath (anti-social personality disorder) since I basically have zero empathy or compassion for all living things (people and animals, including my own self) and often have a desire to hurt both myself and others, I'm a narcissist since I think the whole world revolves around me and I can't put myself in other people's shoes or accept that some people just won't like me, I have borderline personality disorder since every little thing bothers me and I have zero control over my emotions, I have generalized anxiety disorder where I can't calm down no matter what, I potentially have multiple personality disorder since I sort of become a completely different person depending on my mood, and I have created several different personas in the past which though were supposed to be "characters" at first I then began to UNIRONICALLY believe I was those characters and had a hard time "snapping out of it"...
Basically, I now have like 100+ different mental illnesses all because I was sent to the mental hospital several times and began taking several wrong medications...yeah...my first therapist really DID ruin my life...I would say "indirectly" but it's almost DIRECTLY at this point...
That's about it really...really goes to show how an incompetent therapist can REALLY fuck you over HARD.
