Help (My First Post) Seeking advice, will attempt suicide within the next week or two.

[TwistedBacon]

Hi guys. I am a 22M from Illinois USA seeking advice on how to prepare for my death, so my family has less responsibility and guilt.

MY STORY:
I have lived my miserable life with diagnosed autism, ADHD, insomnia, obesity, and balding. I have a 25 year old sister who is very successful with a Masters Degree and currently working in a lab. I am a college dropout and feel theres no reason to go back. I have been fat my entire life and I am still a virgin as a result. My mom and dad are very loving but very controlling of my life and I have limited trust or freedoms. My dad was abused as a child and some of that anger he received is passed onto me. I struggle to have a close relationship with my father despite wanting to. My mom is very protective and thinks she can help me, yet I disagree. I have tried over 11 different antidepressants for my mood and not a single fucking one felt any different. I am still miserable mentally. I can't take another day on this planet seeing all of the corruption and fighting for bullshit reasons. Prices are tripled since early 2020 making getting by difficult. I still live with my parents but I am charged rent alongside general spending and insurance. I can tell I am a burden on them. I don't have any goals or ambitions for my future, as any attempt I made was shot down. I wanted a family at first and even dated 7 girls with the last one being very promising. She cheated on me and married some fat hispanic dude that barely speaks English. I thought she loved me but I guess not. Getting a career where I have to do the same shit every day for the rest of my life seems pointless when I see no value in wealth or possessions. I have already decided that carbon monoxide poisoning thru burning charcoal is the best course of action for me.

MY QUESTIONS:
1. Other than my car, what would be best for me to seal myself inside of in order for the space to fill with carbon monoxide? I have duct tape and the charcoal already and plan on falling asleep. I am 6'1". (I thought a tent at first but the fabric and tarp are too thin)

2. What would be helpful for my family in preparation for my death? I love my parents and I know my death will devastate them but I cant take it anymore. I dont want them to suffer emotionally as I did. Is there anything I can do?

3. What should I do before my death? I have reset my PC and deleted all social media already. I dont know if I am missing anything.

4. Is there anything I should do differently for a successful death? I am not backing out of this so don't try to dissuade me please.

TL;DR - I need advice on what to do before I attempt suicide so that there are no loose ends and my parents wont suffer as badly from my death.

Thank you everyone for your time and effort. I will get back to you as soon as I can.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

i do not have answers, but i am wishing you peace. i'm also boosting this so hopefully someone else can help you more than me. i hope all goes well.

 

[TwistedBacon]

i do not have answers, but i am wishing you peace. i'm also boosting this so hopefully someone else can help you more than me. i hope all goes well.

Thank you for your kind words and support. It means a lot.

i do not have answers, but i am wishing you peace. i'm also boosting this so hopefully someone else can help you more than me. i hope all goes well.

If that boost costed you money I can pay you back just lmk

 

[Youmii]

for the second question u can maybe try to slowly and slowly distance urself from ur family. to the point where they dont notice u anymore so ur death wont affect them THAT much

 

[TwistedBacon]

for the second question u can maybe try to slowly and slowly distance urself from ur family. to the point where they dont notice u anymore so ur death wont affect them THAT much

Sounds like a great idea, but I have already mentally prepared myself to do it within the next two weeks. My mom and dad both know I've had a history of suicidal thoughts and I even attempted overdose once when I was young. I can't just run away either, they would know

 

[Youmii]

Sounds like a great idea, but I have already mentally prepared myself to do it within the next two weeks. My mom and dad both know I've had a history of suicidal thoughts and I even attempted overdose once when I was young. I can't just run away either, they would know

ur right but at the end of the day, they will eventually know, no matter what u do, that u have died. i just wish u the best of luck and that u will somehow find peace when u go from us :) <3

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

If that boost costed you money I can pay you back just lmk

haha, no money involved! when you comment on someones post, it shows as the most recent post in the forum, so more people will most likely see it and click. i appreciate your offer though. you are a kind man.

 

[ShadowsBeforeDawn]

2. What would be helpful for my family in preparation for my death? I love my parents and I know my death will devastate them but I cant take it anymore. I dont want them to suffer emotionally as I did. Is there anything I can do?

3. What should I do before my death? I have reset my PC and deleted all social media already. I dont know if I am missing anything.

TL;DR - I need advice on what to do before I attempt suicide so that there are no loose ends and my parents wont suffer as badly from my death.

Here's some of my planning in case it's helpful for you.

Instead of leaving goodbye notes I'm going to leave my people hope to see you later videos. I want them to have something just for them when they're grieving and sad.

I have my paperwork all together to make their life easier: Accounts and passwords for things I couldn't cancel in advance, bank accounts, legal documents, will, living will, power of attorney, tax info completed as much as possible, etc.

I don't want a funeral or an obit (as outlined in my paperwork) or I would have pre-paid and made all the decisions for them. I'm fine with them doing a celebration of life dinner and I put cash aside for their booze.

 

[TwistedBacon]

Here's some of my planning in case it's helpful for you.

Instead of leaving goodbye notes I'm going to leave my people hope to see you later videos. I want them to have something just for them when they're grieving and sad.

I have my paperwork all together to make their life easier: Accounts and passwords for things I couldn't cancel in advance, bank accounts, legal documents, will, living will, power of attorney, tax info completed as much as possible, etc.

I don't want a funeral or an obit (as outlined in my paperwork) or I would have pre-paid and made all the decisions for them. I'm fine with them doing a celebration of life dinner and I put cash aside for their booze.

This is very helpful thank you so much! I completely forgot to sign a will . Also the video idea will have far more sentiment behind them and I love that. If you are Christian I hope to see you at heaven with me brother. If not, go in peace and I hope you find eternal rest just how you want it

ur right but at the end of the day, they will eventually know, no matter what u do, that u have died. i just wish u the best of luck and that u will somehow find peace when u go from us :) <3

Thank you <3 I hope to find peace as well. I have already apologized profusely to God (I am a Christian) hopefully he understands my struggle and forgives me.

haha, no money involved! when you comment on someones post, it shows as the most recent post in the forum, so more people will most likely see it and click. i appreciate your offer though. you are a kind man.

This forum really is full of awesome people, I'm glad theres a whole community out there who understands you and doesn't want to shove you through rehab of some kind. None of it helped me :(