Help My final plan? Should i "get help"

[SamInAnEppisode]

Well I haven't been on here in a while, last time I posted on here I have discussed that I have a set date on when I will ctb.

It is not exactly in 300days

I have recently talked to a friend who knows about most of my issues and has accepted that i will pass, for safety reason i havent told her the date or method of.

Now I have been feeling super depressed for the past months and have had a lot of time to think, with winter coming up my self-harm has too become worse, but not nearly enough as i woulf like it.

I have a 1 on 1 therapy session soon and i have been thinking about laying (not in full detail) how I have been feeling out. I have struggled with not feeling sick enough due to not being hospitalized and not getting the diagnoses i knew i had and therefore being convinced to this day i might be imagening them.

I have been thinking about going to that therapy session and talking, like finally really talking, about whats up with me as a last resort to maybe get admited or at least being taken seriously. Though if i do that and she(my therapist) dissmises me i will finally have the conformation i need and i no longer wanna show my face around her. I also dont wanna deal with the consequences of having told the truth, so i would feel the need to ctb pretty quickly after.

I am not sure if i should try to reach out?

 

[rs929]

I can't promise you that opening up to your therapist will work out as you expect, but I think it's the right course of action. It sounds like you want to be taken care of right now, and there is no shame in that. Hope your therapist doesn't disappoint you.

 

[certainty]

It sounds like you want to be taken care of right now, and there is no shame in that

second what @rs929 said, esp. this part. harder to believe than to say, but everyone deserves care. in my experience with mh providers, no one has forced me into admission but most have taken me seriously and offered that if needed (which i did take them up on once). ofc ymmv, but i hope you get the support you're seeking

 

[OrganicCow]

I think it is worth a shot at opening up. I think that you are wanting to be seen and taken care of and thats totally okay! I know this part sucks but even if you presented to the hospital and told them that youre suicidal they will likely admit you and you should receive that validation.

 

[inbekween]

I think it's worth a try, considering you have the opportunity.

 

[telekon]

I would not advise telling your therapist you are thinking of committing suicide unless you are okay with being locked in a tiny room and/or getting injected in the butt with antipsychotics against your will.

Use the therapist to try and make a game plan to get better... don't burden them with your ideas of self-murder because that's a legal issue which will have legal consequences. I know the psych ward isn't technically jail, but there are wardens, locked rooms with nothing inside them but a cot-sized bed, and you will feel more miserable than before you ever went in. If you think you will go there and they will care about treating your problems, they won't. They might help you get social support if that's something you need but the main goal when you go there is stabilizing you with forced drugs.