My Final 24 hours (Postponed)

[Avril]

EDIT: I can't kill myself with doubts. I feel so bad about this. I'm postponing my attempt.

I'm documenting my final day. Here goes. I will edit as I go.

10:32 AM
I woke up feeling like shit. This is just like any other day. I am finalizing my note on my phone, and it shall be ready to be bulk sent by tomorrow.

10:46 AM
Wiping my tablet clean. My phone will be next in a few hours.


11:13 AM
Getting ready for brunch. I got chicken, gravy, and veggies.

11:57 AM
I'm really scared.... fuck should I DO IT OR NOT tomorrow

12:58 PM
I'm in bed having panic attacks. I will do it tomorrow. I can't handle this.

13:58
Thinking about the good times.

 

[Zegers]

Method?

Good luck.

 

[Avril]

Method?

Good luck.

Thank you. I will be jumping from the building, from the 11th floor.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Thank you. I will be jumping from the building, from the 11th floor.

What's that like a 120, 130 feet or something?

 

[Avril]

What's that like a 120, 130 feet or something?

It's more than that since the lobby has a few extra feet.

 

[hellispink]

how are you feeling knowing that in a few hours something could happen, peace fear etc? Wishing you the best.

 

[Zegers]

One of the methods in mind if i couldn't do it with N but i would try to go for a 15-20 store

 

[Huntfish34]

I wish you Nothing but the best in whatever may happen. Thank you for sharing this with us.

I'm no expert at jumping or " safe " heights to jump from..
But I guess 11 floor's is enough ? Idk,. Just a curious question.

Thoughts and prayers to you always -. Godspeed.

 

[Avril]

how are you feeling knowing that in a few hours something could happen, peace fear etc? Wishing you the best.

I'm nervous. I'm heartbroken. But the thought that it will be over soon, helps me relax.

One of the methods in mind if i couldn't do it with N but i would try to go for a 15-20 store

With "scary" methods, it helps to be loaded/intoxicated to numb everything.

 

[Zegers]

Try to minimise the SI with benzos, alcohol, otherwise you won't be able to do it

 

[Avril]

I wish you Nothing but the best in whatever may happen. Thank you for sharing this with us.

I'm no expert at jumping or " safe " heights to jump from..
But I guess 11 floor's is enough ? Idk,. Just a curious question.

Thoughts and prayers to you always -. Godspeed.

The general rule is that 48 feet, only 50% survive. At 84 feet or 7 stories, the mortality rate is 90%.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I hope it works out for you as planned, if that is what is best for you. I could never do it. Peace to you.

 

[Avril]

I hope it works out for you as planned, if that is what is best for you. I could never do it. Peace to you.

Thank you my friend.

 

[Euthanza]

That's one of the hardest way to choose. I never could do that because of acrophobia. Too bad it has to ended up this way but I wish you peaceful journey and relief

 

[Huntfish34]

Oh damn,. Okay. That certainly puts it into perspective. Thanks for the response.

 

[QuietEnd]

I wish you peace

 

[Avril]

That's one of the hardest way to choose. I never could do that because of acrophobia. Too bad it has to ended up this way but I wish you peaceful journey and relief

It is hard to be forced into this position. But I accept it. Thank you for your well wishes.

 

[Zegers]

7 stories, the mortality rate is 90%.

Really? i heard some people survive from 10 store its crazy lol dont worry it will go fine and think it just a moment of effort for peace.

 

[Zegers]

Don't worry man, it's hard to fight SI, if i did it this way i'd probably have to book like a week airbnb because i don't know when I'd be able to do it.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I alienate people from me I can't help it!!!!

You haven't alienated anyone here for you. We're all here and with you NO MATTER WHAT you decide. Whatever you deicde has to be right for you, and you alone. and it has to be when it is RIGHT FOR YOU and no one else. Maybe it just wasn't right, yet, for whatever reason. No big deal. There can be another time. Don't be so hard on yourself. If it was so easy, there would be a WHOLE LOT MORE people CTB-ing a WHOLE LOT MORE often.

 

[Avril]

Don't worry man, it's hard to fight SI, if i did it this way i'd probably have to book like a week airbnb because i don't know when I'd be able to do it.

SI is the only physical thing stopping me from doing it.

You haven't alienated anyone here from you. We're all here and with you NO MATTER WHAT you decide. Whatever you deicde has to be right for you, and you alone. and it has to be when it is RIGHT FOR YOU and no one else. Maybe it just wasn't right, yet, for whatever reason. No big deal. There can be another time. Don't be so hard on yourself. If it was so easy, there would be a WHOLE LOT MORE people CTB-ing a WHOLE LOT MORE often.

Thank you my friend. It's exhausting at this point..

 

[The Abyss]

Head first + drunk, higher if possible like roof access.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

The SLIGHTEST amount of hope is enough to thwart even the best laid plans. Hope leaves when hope leaves. You, nor anyone else, gets to decide when all hope fades. Hope is a fickle bitch.

 

[waitingforrest]

I'm getting worried now. Should I postpone again? Jesus christ how many times
This my fucking fault!!! I alienate people from me I can't help it!!!!
I HATE NORMIES
FUCK THIS IM MOVING IT

You must be feeling horrible right now, I'm so sorry. I know that it is hard to believe for many of us when we dislike what we see in the mirror, but it's not your fault that the world is like this. I don't know what words to say to ease your pain, I just want to give you a long hug right now.
It hurts to hesitate or constantly back out, but none of us would ever judge you for it. I will forgive you if you can't forgive yourself. This world and humans are too cruel, never giving us a chance from birth. I'm so sorry, I know you just wanted to be happy but this judgemental world wouldn't allow it.

 

[Achlys]

There is no shame in postponing ctb for another day. Personally, I don't know if I could jump. I hope you can find some time to rest.

 

[Foresight]

Sorry guys, i'm doing it tomorrow.

No need to apologize. This isn't about anyone else. I hope you rest well.

 

[theboy]

¿Todavía estás ahí?

 

[Avril]

I have decided to postpone my attempt for real. Sorry guys and girls. SI is too strong.

 

[FuneralCry]

In whatever you decide to do in the future, I hope that you find relief from your suffering. Existence is so cruel and it's sad how so many of us have to endure all this pain in our lives. Jumping does sound like a terrifying method and I know that I would never be able to ctb that way. I do envy those with the courage for it though.

 

[Lost Magic]

Jumping has got to be one of the things that would trigger my SI the most. Definitely best to find strong sedatives for that one. Maybe even take a break to revaluate your method choices.