Story My father didn't care that I was suicidal or having psychotic episodes. I continue feeling depressed.

[ForgottenAgain]

My family is my father and my younger sister. My mother died suddenly when I was 13 due to cancer.
One of the things that made me suicidal was feeling like everyone forgets about me and all that cared for me already died - my mother, my grandma and my cat.

I've been off sick for 3 months now, got intense psychotic episodes that gave me panic and made me believe insane things. I gathered the courage to tell my father everything - the psych hospital visits, being off work, the hallucinations, wanting to kill myself and how I was so rational and planning the method.

He didn't react, just the casual "oh yeah? that sucks". I wasn't surprised, nothing fazes him, but I was disappointed as always. I'm 29 and going through these things I would expect to be taken seriously but no.

My father hurts me a lot just by being alive. He neglected and continues to neglect me to this day. He never helped me with anything, at 13 I had to arrange my own psychologist, when I moved country he didn't even care about where I would live. I would try to show him houses and he would comment something and go away. Nowadays he never calls me, either I call him or we don't talk. It hurts, I'm in another country, phone call is so simple... My father doesn't care about me.

Sometimes I wish he was dead, that way it would hurt less, like it is with my mother. She's not alive so she can't hurt me. I'm always alone with everything, my sister is a mixed bag where she also neglects me sometimes or just isn't available. I am the big sister so she's not used to caring about me and rather me taking care of her.

I don't know how I will be happy when I miss family so much and they're alive but distant, forgetting me, not giving a shit even if I mention suicide.

I feel very lonely, I am lonely, every day. I have a wonderful boyfriend but there is this massive hole in my heart that not even him can fill...

 

[girlsboysthems]

oh man ): sorry to hear thst. have you got any good friends around you?

 

[ForgottenAgain]

oh man ): sorry to hear thst. have you got any good friends around you?

I don't...I have one friend and he is back home

 

[sanction]

I feel you. My dad is a piece of shit. Could let him know I'm on the edge of killing myself, but instead he would treat it as nothing, and probably feel annoyed I'm "bothering" him with this type of thing

If you did a quick google search, something like "I hate my parents reddit", or "I hate my dad reddit", you will see tons of results from many people ranting about the same thing. Just know you're not alone

Its indeed a cruel world. The fact that society pushes most people to have kids in their 20's, or by their early 30's, is a failed approach, because most people aren't mature enough to make this decision yet at that stage of life. They were literally still students / in college not that long ago. So people like our dads, simply made a mistake to have kids. And now passing their negativity towards us, and instead see's us as a headache

I'm just thankful for this community. At least we can rant and vent here, with people we can relate to

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I feel you. My dad is a piece of shit. Could let him know I'm on the edge of killing myself, but instead he would treat it as nothing, and probably feel annoyed I'm "bothering" him with this type of thing

If you did a quick google search, something like "I hate my parents reddit", or "I hate my dad reddit", you will see tons of results from many people ranting about the same thing. Just know you're not alone

Its indeed a cruel world. The fact that society pushes most people to have kids in their 20's, or by their early 30's, is a failed approach, because most people aren't mature enough to make this decision yet at that stage of life. They were literally still students / in college not that long ago. So people like our dads, simply made a mistake to have kids. And now passing their negativity towards us, and instead see's us as a headache

I'm just thankful for this community. At least we can rant and vent here, with people we can relate to

My father did tell me and my sister that if he could rewind time he would have never had us, so yes, you're not wrong.

I'm sorry your father also treats you poorly, it hurts so much when it comes from those who should love us. I think my father shouldn't have had kids, he was always emotionally distant, probably only had kids because that's what everyone else does.

I also think it's great that we can vent here, not all parents are sunshine and rainbows.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

My plan was to kill my father and myself on our 25th birthday. I wish I could turn back time. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. We wish you peace. Be well on your journey. Big hugs.