Help My fatass keeps gaining weight

[symphony]

I think I might have an eating disorder but I've never been diagnosed as this isn't the primary issue in my life and thus hasn't garnered much clinical attention.

I've been overweight and hated myself for it for about all my life. Everyone else in my family is a healthy weight. But I've just about always used food to cope. To numb my emotions, to fill the void, to distract myself. Lately, I've tended to snack on and off throughout the day and then full-on binge at night. Yes, I eat even when I'm not hungry and past the point of feeling full. This happens daily.

For much of last year I was in residential treatment and my diet improved because I didn't have full control over what and how much I ate. But near the end of the year I slowly started falling into a pattern of under-eating and eventually starving myself. Partly because I genuinely didn't have much appetite, partly because I didn't have the will or energy to eat, partly because I told myself I didn't deserve food, partly because I liked the sense of control it gave me over my life, and of course, partly because I liked that I was finally losing weight. And I lost weight quickly.

The most severe this got was in February when I was involuntarily hospitalized. I attempted to CTB by VSED. After a few days I was transferred to an ER to receive fluids. I begrudgingly forced myself to start eating. My body eventually got used to it and my appetite returned. Soon enough, a flip switched and I started binging again. Chronic over-eating. Gaining lots of weight. Quickly.

This came to a head this morning when I realized how poorly my clothes are fitting. My pants bunch up uncomfortably around my legs and squeeze at my waist. My shirts ride up my back. My thighs are huge and spread out when I sit. My arms are flabby and my stomach gets bigger every day. I look and feel disgusting and I hate myself for it.

Here are the reasons I perceive as being behind my weight gain, ranked by significance:

1. The chronic over-eating. Even if this is the main issue here, it would be hard to stop because I rely on it so much to cope and struggle enough just to get by as is.
2. Lack of exercise. I'm completely sedentary. Exercise requires energy and motivation and actually giving a fuck, which depression has robbed me of.
3. Meds associated with weight gain.

Part of me wants to say "fuck it" and keep on ballooning in weight until I can drink that sweet, sweet N but I don't enjoy hating myself this much and I don't want to have to get new clothes or anything. So I guess I'm asking if any of y'all have any (reasonable) advice. And by "reasonable", what I mean is that even if adopting a healthy diet and regular exercise regimen might be ideal, it's clearly not attainable for someone as embroiled in depression as I am.

 

[Al Cappella]

You and me both, sigh…

 

[summers]

1. Lack of exercise. I'm completely sedentary. Exercise requires energy and motivation and actually giving a fuck, which depression has robbed me of.

I don't know if your depression would allow, but would you be able to just go for a walk around the block? If you're sedentary, even small amounts of exercise will make a big difference. Also, the walk may help a little with your depression. Go out when you prefer (day or night) and maybe listen to music. Get lost in your thoughts.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

You probably went overboard most recently as a result of you basically starving yourself and then caving. I've noticed that there's a kind of coiled up spring effect when we deprive ourselves.

A few things: lower carb is always a good bet if you want to lose weight. But go too strict and you run the risk of really falling off the wagon. I think over the longer term something like the 5:2 lifestyle might be good. Where you eat 5 days a week at the base caloric level for your BMI (say 1800 calories) and then drop it to 1200 for 2 days of the week, for example.

Having a narrower window of eating will also help you. So let's say you only consume calories between noon and 6pm each day. If you're grazing around the clock, your body doesn't have any opportunity to properly lower your blood sugar level so it's difficult to burn anything off.

And yes, any exercise helps, especially after eating, as it will help mitigate the blood sugar spike from the food you ate.

Small, consistent efforts like this (that you can stick to) will really add up.

 

[Anónimo]

Maybe you can install a step-counter in your mobile and go for a walk. It will tell you an approximate of how many steps and calories you burn while you listen to some music if you will. Not 100% accurate of course, but it gets you going. That could be a good start I guess.

 

[nothinginterest]

Do you on birth control, specifically a depo shot? 6 months ago I was off this birth control and surprisingly I lost weight like magic, about 10 lbs which made me so happy. If this is not the case, so please ignore it.

Right now, I am still trying to maintain my weight. I avoid working out because it makes me hungry and eat even more. I love hiking though like 30 mins -1hr walk. Wish we live near each other, we can go for a walk together if you don't mind. I walk alone because I have no friend. The method that works for me is eating as little as I can. Every meals, I prep my food in a very small portion. If I don't prep a head of time I won't be able to control my eating. If I prep I will know when to stop eating. I binge every once in awhile but still able to keep my weight under 100lbs. I am sorry, I have to admit that I'm crazy about being skinny and portion control work very well for me. I also don't keep any snacks at home. If I have a bag of chips, I won't stop until they are gone. So I make my own cookies and only eat 1 cookie with every meals. I eat 3 meals a day. I don't know if this too extreme. Please don't hate me. I am normal and don't look under weight.

I keep tricking my mind that if i maintain to eat little, it will be easier for me to do fasting when I ready to drinking N.

 

[treetop.grazer]

In the past 18 months, really, since my depression started I've gone from just under 30 stone to currently just under 19, how? I just walk, I walk twice a day, before and after work just to get out of the house, just to see other faces, rain or shine i make a point of going for a walk. Not even long walks (although I do now fit in monster hikes every weekend), started with a step goal of 5000 a day, now I don't even keep track of it.

My lifestyle was very sedentary with a desk job so I wasn't doing any exercise at all. So just a little change like a walk has made a huge difference, when the sun is shining it even makes me feel better, until I get home again and think about ctb constantly.

I haven't changed my diet at all, i was never a big junk food water anyway, but I do like my food and big portions of it.

No idea if it'll help you, but honestly just try a little walk each day, headphones on, listen to a podcast or your favourite playlist, it'll soon become habbit.

 

[Al_stargate]

In the last 4 months I gained weight as well. Ever since the shit I'm dealing with hit me. Before I was a health nut and exercised all the time. With losing weight just focus on whole foods, mostly plant-based and the weight will come off easily. You can eat as much as you want, just stay away from oils, sugar and all processed foods.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Overall what you're describing sounds like "compulsive eating," and there's a 12-step group for that.

You probably went overboard most recently as a result of you basically starving yourself and then caving. I've noticed that there's a kind of coiled up spring effect when we deprive ourselves.

A few things: lower carb is always a good bet if you want to lose weight. But go too strict and you run the risk of really falling off the wagon. I think over the longer term something like the 5:2 lifestyle might be good. Where you eat 5 days a week at the base caloric level for your BMI (say 1800 calories) and then drop it to 1200 for 2 days of the week, for example.

Having a narrower window of eating will also help you. So let's say you only consume calories between noon and 6pm each day. If you're grazing around the clock, your body doesn't have any opportunity to properly lower your blood sugar level so it's difficult to burn anything off.

And yes, any exercise helps, especially after eating, as it will help mitigate the blood sugar spike from the food you ate.

Small, consistent efforts like this (that you can stick to) will really add up.

I concur with this, except I think the narrow window of eating might be hard to do, given your starting point. An alternative would be to start out by giving yourself permission to eat what you want for (say) an hour, then set a timer and go at least three hours without eating before you eat again. In other words, start trying to separate "meals" from "non meals" and only eat at meals. It is easier to do this if you know the next meal is coming up pretty soon, but it will also help if you have stuff to do during that three hours so that you won't be watching the clock that whole time.

 

[wljourney]

Overall what you're describing sounds like "compulsive eating," and there's a 12-step group for that.


I concur with this, except I think the narrow window of eating might be hard to do, given your starting point. An alternative would be to start out by giving yourself permission to eat what you want for (say) an hour, then set a timer and go at least three hours without eating before you eat again. In other words, start trying to separate "meals" from "non meals" and only eat at meals. It is easier to do this if you know the next meal is coming up pretty soon, but it will also help if you have stuff to do during that three hours so that you won't be watching the clock that whole time.

This is very good, practical advice IMO.

When food is used as a form of self harm (which overeating and underearing both can be) it's important to cut that "emotional" connection to food. Bringing it back to a place of "fuel".

Trying to train your body and brain back to regular meals can make a big difference.

However (!) at the same time you need to find something else to distract and capture your attention.
You don't want to replace your self harming eating habits with another "transfer addiction".

I think it could be helpful to talk to a counselor specialized in EDs. They may come up with something benign (like colouring books).

Obviously going for a walk would be optimal, but when your mood disorder makes that impossible, something like colouring, audiobooks, knitting, sudoku or whatever you feel is manageable can be of great help.

 

[nerve]

I'm obviously not a doctor and can't speak much to the eating disorder aspect here, but I fucking hate exercising and got more into the nutrition part of "healthy living" or whatever. Again, I'm not an expert, just a hobbyist. Get ready to read the word "plain" a lot.

• Plain oatmeal (I get quick oats) is stupidly healthy & has a lot of fiber so it digests slower, you stay fuller for longer, etc. etc.
• Plain nonfat yogurt has a lot going on as far as health benefits, but most relevant here might be the probiotics since people are starting to connect the dots between mental health and gut bacteria.
• (I add like a teaspoon of brown sugar to both of these so they actually taste okay)
• Berries are also absurdly healthy and they somehow taste good too, so I eat them plain or put them in the yogurt / oatmeal to make them less torturously bland. Frozen is usually cheaper but it makes no difference.
• Addendum to the oatmeal: A lot of boring old people cereals. Plain cheerios & shredded wheat & whatnot. Dairy can be a diet killer for me so I just have them dry as a snack.
• Produce can get expensive so I usually look for what's in season, but some are cheap year-round. Bananas, potatoes, and carrots come to mind for me but this probably depends on where you actually are.
• Misc.: Hard-boiled eggs, plain popcorn, sugar-free seltzer, those ice pop things, whatever kind of tea you can stomach, and I try to stick to chicken as far as meat. Baked, especially.

So clearly this isn't the most fun or exciting diet but it does leave room for some indulgence or overeating. This is a somewhat obvious suggestion so feel free to tell me to fuck off if you've already tried it, but I got a really simple food diary app on my phone and it's immensely helpful. Sometimes I eat so mindlessly that afterwards, I just kind of forget it happened at all if I don't write it down. And sometimes I'm just like "oh man if I eat this cake I'm going to have to record it and I'll feel like a slob so nevermind."

Please don't feel like you have to chop your daily caloric intake to like 1500 right off the bat though! In my experience at least, slowly cutting stuff out and introducing other things is a lot easier psychologically than just going balls to the wall day one.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

start therapy. preferably with a good, very good professional.

like someone said, people rarely quit addictions, they replace them instead.

try to discover the true reasons why your relationship with food is the way it is. but don't try that alone! a good psychologist will help you do that.

as much as I love nutrition (I've been on the carnivore diet for years and I like to study macros, calories, meal timing, particular strategies etc.), I think coaches, nutritionists and "diets" (in the popular use of this word) actually cannot help you, if the causes of the problem are in the mind.
in this case, this kind of professional is only good if you work with a psychologist at the same time.
all "diets" are gonna fail eventually. their (almost) inevitable rebound may even worsen your metabolic health and certainly bring even more frustration.
don't do semi-starvation and think you're helping yourself, watch this video for more details on what I mean by that.

I could recommend intermittent fasting, OMAD, keto, carnivore, low carb, paleo, PE, low-fat, vegan, etc etc etc, but none of that would fix the problem! you gotta go the root.

it's not really about losing the weight, it's about becoming a whole new person.

…with a new mindset, new ideas, new thoughts, new ways of soothing yourself, a new way of treating yourself and a new way of looking at life.
that old person with their old ways and old mindset cannot be lean. they can't.
you have to become a whole new person to make that happen. and you'll never be the same again.

 

[Cathy Ames]

start therapy. preferably with a good, very good professional.

like someone said, people rarely quit addictions, they replace them instead.

try to discover the true reasons why your relationship with food is the way it is. but don't try that alone! a good psychologist will help you do that.

as much as I love nutrition (and I've been on the carnivore diet for years and I like to study macros, calories, meal timing, particular strategies etc.), I think coaches, nutritionists and "diets" (in the popular use of this word) actually cannot help you, if the causes of the problem are in the mind.
in this case, this kind of professional is only good if you work with a psychologist at the same time.
all "diets" are gonna fail eventually. their (almost) inevitable rebound may even worsen your metabolic health and certainly bring even more frustration.

I could recommend intermittent fasting, OMAD, keto, carnivore, low carb, paleo, PE, low-fat, vegan, etc etc etc, but none of that would fix the problem! you gotta go the root.

it's not really about losing the weight, it's about becoming a whole new person.

…with a new mindset, new ideas, new thoughts, new ways of soothing yourself, a new way of treating yourself and a new way of looking at life.
that old person with their old ways and old mindset cannot be lean. they can't.
you have to become a whole new person to make that happen. and you'll never be the same again.

A piece of cake, right? This whole "become a new person" thing?

 

[Ethereal Knight]

A piece of cake, right? This whole "become a new person" thing?

I'm sorry, but what do you mean exactly?

 

[Cathy Ames]

I totally agree with everything you said, but "become a whole new person" is an impossible feat for some of us, no matter how much we would like to do that.

Also, even by saying that I open myself up to judgment, like, "Oh, you just don't want it enough" and "Where there's a will there's a way."

 

[MegaGordo]

Did I seriously black out, register under another name, post, then forget everything?? Man, I so identify. For years I was fit as a lumberjack. People called me "Arnold", I had a smoking gf, knew the top Vegas strippers--dated a few. Now, they wouldn't be seen within fifty miles of me. What was that joke Bill Maher said about someone? "He actually has red marks on him from people touching him with a ten foot pole"? Haha. That's mois.

I don't know if it's metabolic or some crazy inflammatory issue or b/c I popped those Ripped Fuel pills for years straight and messed up my adrenals. Maybe it's my genetic blueprint manifesting...

All I can say is I feel you...

 

[MegaGordo]

I totally agree with everything you said, but "become a whole new person" is an impossible feat for some of us, no matter how much we would like to do that.

Also, even by saying that I open myself up to judgment, like, "Oh, you just don't want it enough" and "Where there's a will there's a way."

The older I get and seeing the changes going on with me, I see that genetics and hormones play a huge role in whatever is going on with me. Things have happened to me since my late forties that stupefy me. The calories in, calories out thing is too simplistic as applied to my circumstance. Though, of course, low carb, high fat, high protein is important. And of course I've been very lax on exercise, so that's also a major screw-up on my behalf. But still, genetics and hormones factor in more and more every day.

 

[Cathy Ames]

The older I get and seeing the changes going on with me, I see that genetics and hormones play a huge role in whatever is going on with me. Things have happened to me since my late forties that stupefy me. The calories in, calories out thing is too simplistic as applied to my circumstance. Though, of course, low carb, high fat, high protein is important. And of course I've been very lax on exercise, so that's also a major screw-up on my behalf. But still, genetics and hormones factor in more and more every day.

Yeah, this getting older thing is a real bit(h.

 

[MegaGordo]

Yeah, this getting older thing is a real bit(h.

Heard that. I just donated dozens of books because my eyesight can't deal with anything but large print. Even my Braille is in large print.

Trivia note: Did you know they used to put out Playboy in Braille? I kid you not. I thought it was a gag by Mad Magazine, but it's true apparently!

 

[Cathy Ames]

No. I did NOT know that. I'll definitely file this new factoid away for later use.
And also this!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/06/12/that-time-congress-fought-tooth-and-nail-over-printing-playboy-in-braille/

 

[Cathy Ames]

I had another thought. For some people, being accountable is a thing that helps. For example, you would tell someone your goal for the day (either the night before or first thing in the morning), and then at the end of the day you would report back how you DID in terms of meeting the goal.

This is a thing that could be done here in replies to this post, or a new thread could be started in "off topic" or "recovery" and people could join in reporting just whatever, not just health stuff.

 

[motel rooms]

I totally agree with everything you said, but "become a whole new person" is an impossible feat for some of us, no matter how much we would like to do that.

Some of us? I don't think brain transplants have been perfected yet.

 

[Al Cappella]

Trivia note: Did you know they used to put out Playboy in Braille? I kid you not. I thought it was a gag by Mad Magazine, but it's true apparently!

Ya, but the braille was just on the articles, sigh…