seventeenangels444
Member
- Dec 6, 2019
- 30
So two weeks ago I had a bad manic episode, resulting in me taking 5g of sodium nitrite. I did not want to die, just harm myself a bit. (not sure how to explain my feelings at that moment) Fast forward 1 hour. I am laying sick and dizzy in my bed. I did not originally plan to die, so I started self-inducing vomiting to feel better.
I called my boyfriend and told him that I regret taking it, that I am dumb and I am sorry for ignoring him during my manic episode. I asked him to stay with me until I feel better. (We originally planned to do something together the next day, so I always told him how much I am looking forward to tomorrow).
I felt a little bit better after a while, but then I lost my consciousness. The last thing I remember is how my boyfriend asks: Is everything okay? Are you still there? Please answer? And then I am gone. It actually felt really nice.
So what happened is that my boyfriend panicked, drove to my flat where he woke up my parents. Half an hour later the ambulance was there when I slowly gained back a bit of consciousness. My vision was extremely blurry, I couldn't see anything except light, but I could hear everything. At that point, my mind shifted and I just wanted to die. I started screaming and fighting the paramedics. I always took off my breathing mask and the tube which was connected to my arm. They had to redo it 6+ times. Now I got 6 tiny holes on my arm, great memories. After a while, they found the SN in my room, gave me a shit ton of Xanax and morphine, and drove me to the hospital. I stayed there for two days and then a week in a psychiatric institution.
Now two weeks later, I still want to die, more than ever probably. Being passed out is such a nice feeling and I somehow have the feeling that I did die on that Wednesday.
I am 1,74cm and 55kg. 19 years old. I only took 5grams of SN and Fluoxetine in the morning. No antiemetics or painkillers etc.
My skin was grey. I looked like a corpse my boyfriend said.
I would have died if the paramedics did not arrive or found the SN in my room. (Would still recommend taking more than 5grams, of course)
No brain damage or other stuff after the incident. My piss was just strangely green for a whole week after. They said it's because of the SN, but I do not really care.
I would recommend SN (the right amount and preparation) the pain was bearable and with the right pills, it will probably only feel better.
If I am gonna choose to die, I will definitely choose SN.
I called my boyfriend and told him that I regret taking it, that I am dumb and I am sorry for ignoring him during my manic episode. I asked him to stay with me until I feel better. (We originally planned to do something together the next day, so I always told him how much I am looking forward to tomorrow).
I felt a little bit better after a while, but then I lost my consciousness. The last thing I remember is how my boyfriend asks: Is everything okay? Are you still there? Please answer? And then I am gone. It actually felt really nice.
So what happened is that my boyfriend panicked, drove to my flat where he woke up my parents. Half an hour later the ambulance was there when I slowly gained back a bit of consciousness. My vision was extremely blurry, I couldn't see anything except light, but I could hear everything. At that point, my mind shifted and I just wanted to die. I started screaming and fighting the paramedics. I always took off my breathing mask and the tube which was connected to my arm. They had to redo it 6+ times. Now I got 6 tiny holes on my arm, great memories. After a while, they found the SN in my room, gave me a shit ton of Xanax and morphine, and drove me to the hospital. I stayed there for two days and then a week in a psychiatric institution.
Now two weeks later, I still want to die, more than ever probably. Being passed out is such a nice feeling and I somehow have the feeling that I did die on that Wednesday.
I am 1,74cm and 55kg. 19 years old. I only took 5grams of SN and Fluoxetine in the morning. No antiemetics or painkillers etc.
My skin was grey. I looked like a corpse my boyfriend said.
I would have died if the paramedics did not arrive or found the SN in my room. (Would still recommend taking more than 5grams, of course)
No brain damage or other stuff after the incident. My piss was just strangely green for a whole week after. They said it's because of the SN, but I do not really care.
I would recommend SN (the right amount and preparation) the pain was bearable and with the right pills, it will probably only feel better.
If I am gonna choose to die, I will definitely choose SN.
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