wastingpotential
drowning, always.
- Feb 8, 2023
- 138
Tldr my life turned to shit last summer and i lost my best friend and friend group alongside it it was a great time to be alive truly
We havent been in contact since july and hes been making it very clear now he wants nothing to do with me ever again despite me not having personally wronged him. He had lied to me about things I already spoke about on my older posts and that sent us off the edge of our friendship
Ive been a shut-in since and all my days have consisted of me rotting in bed and smoking whatever i had in hand, getting drunk, being emotionally constipated because i havent cried since my cats died last summer and just thinking of ways to off myself
The only time no contact was ever actually broken was a few days before christmas where i had posted on my instagram story for once as a way to let whoever still watches it know im alive (even if nobody speaks to me) and just cause i felt like it after shutting myself away from social media too. This shared account he and his bf have were yet to block me on there like he had literally everywhere else and just texted 'i saw your story on accident im going back to no contact now' & then blocked me not even two minutes later. I do not get why he even had to text me that if he was gonna do it right away cause if im blocked i cant see that they viewed my story at all, he proceeded to block me on an older account i had too and hadnt used in ages either which made me laugh at the time cause it was weird
anyways since my life fell apart i had been off the grid from social media cause everything felt useless and nobody cares anyway so i left my discord status offline even when i was using it. Only this month had i rly started leaving it back on and only keeping it on dnd at the very least
Of course the second its shown that im unfortunately still alive i notice that ive been kicked from mostly every mutual server i was in with him & his bf too. Nobody had spoken on this certain one since a year or two ago aswell but i got kicked anyways (i only remembered this servers existence this week and scrolled a bit through it so i just find the timing weird and funny as fuck)
Like it just sucks lol. He was my best friend and I considered him my brother more than I considered any biological family i have to be my own blood. I would've killed if he had asked me to. He was my everything
I was friends with his bf too, we all got along and hung out often. His bf was a tattoo artist and did my first tattoo just a month or two before everything fell apart.
If the tattoo wasn't dedicated to a special person in my life i seriously think i wouldve tried dying by slitting my wrists and getting rid of it. I wont. I care about the person it's dedicated to more than enough to know i cant hurt them like that
Everything fucking hurts and i miss my life before my abusers ruined it and my familys financial situation didnt collapse on me entirely. I miss fridays of drinking coffee and playing music with my brother. I miss sleeping in the same bed as my cats.
I just wanted to be normal. I felt so close to feeling okay for once in my life. Its all gone now and everything since has been a reminder of it. I want this pain to end so much
We havent been in contact since july and hes been making it very clear now he wants nothing to do with me ever again despite me not having personally wronged him. He had lied to me about things I already spoke about on my older posts and that sent us off the edge of our friendship
Ive been a shut-in since and all my days have consisted of me rotting in bed and smoking whatever i had in hand, getting drunk, being emotionally constipated because i havent cried since my cats died last summer and just thinking of ways to off myself
The only time no contact was ever actually broken was a few days before christmas where i had posted on my instagram story for once as a way to let whoever still watches it know im alive (even if nobody speaks to me) and just cause i felt like it after shutting myself away from social media too. This shared account he and his bf have were yet to block me on there like he had literally everywhere else and just texted 'i saw your story on accident im going back to no contact now' & then blocked me not even two minutes later. I do not get why he even had to text me that if he was gonna do it right away cause if im blocked i cant see that they viewed my story at all, he proceeded to block me on an older account i had too and hadnt used in ages either which made me laugh at the time cause it was weird
anyways since my life fell apart i had been off the grid from social media cause everything felt useless and nobody cares anyway so i left my discord status offline even when i was using it. Only this month had i rly started leaving it back on and only keeping it on dnd at the very least
Of course the second its shown that im unfortunately still alive i notice that ive been kicked from mostly every mutual server i was in with him & his bf too. Nobody had spoken on this certain one since a year or two ago aswell but i got kicked anyways (i only remembered this servers existence this week and scrolled a bit through it so i just find the timing weird and funny as fuck)
Like it just sucks lol. He was my best friend and I considered him my brother more than I considered any biological family i have to be my own blood. I would've killed if he had asked me to. He was my everything
I was friends with his bf too, we all got along and hung out often. His bf was a tattoo artist and did my first tattoo just a month or two before everything fell apart.
If the tattoo wasn't dedicated to a special person in my life i seriously think i wouldve tried dying by slitting my wrists and getting rid of it. I wont. I care about the person it's dedicated to more than enough to know i cant hurt them like that
Everything fucking hurts and i miss my life before my abusers ruined it and my familys financial situation didnt collapse on me entirely. I miss fridays of drinking coffee and playing music with my brother. I miss sleeping in the same bed as my cats.
I just wanted to be normal. I felt so close to feeling okay for once in my life. Its all gone now and everything since has been a reminder of it. I want this pain to end so much
