Discussion my euthanesia process and still want to do it myself

[Berlin76]

Ok, just want to share this to vent myself a bit.

So I am a older member by now since 2018 oktober more or less, under my old name ddutch

Last year august 2019 I applied myself for euthanesia
It was a long time waiting for me due to depression ptsd and A cluster disorder i have decided to end my life.
I had Nembetul from A but i failled last august becasue i only had domperidon.
the waitinglist of euthanesia was over a year.
So i had my attemp last august and it was horrible to fail and just needed to start over again.

Now last month november 5 I had my first interview with The end of life clinic .
Fucking been waiting for over a year end from one at the other momment they just called and told me they come on 5 november.
it was like it always is with psychologist just an interview of a hour.
The main purpose was that they had to explain the guide lines for the process of my case for my euthanesia.
First they said no telling how long precise it could take but moste of the time its around 8 months.
They dont procede when i start forcing them to hurry up with the whole process or when i use suicide or just the words to force them
then they will stop ofcourse. also that i would have to see a external psychiatrist who would examen my case and their work on my case.
If that person give A Go than they can procede with my case, but it can also happen this person would sugest more therapy.
But this is not likely because I already had 7 years of therapy with 3 clinics .

After this they will present my case to a second external person who will examen my total case to see if they have checked everything.
So this part is more for the justice department so they wont get persucuted by the justice department for murder.
because when they dont follow the rulls of the law than the euthanesia can be seen as murder.

By now I had also my second interview .
They have a clear picture of my case and they can see my hopeless and unbearable suffering.
They already had planned the interview with the external pshychtriatrist in upcoming january.
So that made me happy sort off because normally this takes months to have a opening for a interview like that.
But this day with the second interview I really was in a bad place mentaly, I hardly spoke with them.
I was just zoned out and filled with anger and sorrow and depressed feeling this day my family was talking mostly .
they ended the inteview by telling they can see my mental hopeless and unbearable suffering.

Still I am a sort of supriced I have the interview so fast now, this is feeling good.
But still there is a part of me that wants tocommit suicide myself and not with the help of the organisation.
Also because daily it takes long all these months.
But everytime it is only for family i delay it because they want me to go with euthanesia.
This is just just f*** breaking me up mentaly also.

I did tell me mom I am making sure I have backup for when they dont honour my request for euthanesia

Anyway some here ask me to tell how it goes and wanted to hear the process when it started, so it started

 

[angele]

Thank you for sharing, I'm sure many of us here are jealous of having the option for euthanasia... Whatever you choose to do, I hope it brings you peace

 

[Meant2Die]

Yes, definately thank you for sharing. Interesting stuff.

 

[Berlin76]

Thank you for sharing, I'm sure many of us here are jealous of having the option for euthanasia... Whatever you choose to do, I hope it brings you peace

Hey than you.

Bit in between it all, but just these holidays and the process is also stressful.

 

[riverstyx]

If I had access to euthanasia a huge burden would be lifted from my shoulders.

I don't really fear death. My concern is undue suffering while dying. I imagine not being able to eat or drink, or slowly being choked to death because of the tumor that's lodged in my neck.

If I could be reassured my death would be complication and pain free, and that I could leave at the the time of my own choosing it would be a huge relief for me.

Unfortunately, the political establishment in my country is nowhere near legalising euthanasia, so the traditional way of dying, letting nature take it's course, is the way for me.

I hope it's quick and relatively pain free when the time comes, but there's no guarantees.

 

[Berlin76]

If I had access to euthanasia a huge burden would be lifted from my shoulders.

I don't really fear death. My concern is undue suffering while dying. I imagine not being able to eat or drink, or slowly being choked to death because of the tumor that's lodged in my neck.

If I could be reassured my death would be complication and pain free, and that I could leave at the the time of my own choosing it would be a huge relief for me.

Unfortunately, the political establishment in my country is nowhere near legalising euthanasia, so the traditional way of dying, letting nature take it's course, is the way for me.

I hope it's quick and relatively pain free when the time comes, but there's no guarantees.

I can understand your point as well.
Most be horrible to go through it like you do now. You could apply in Zwitserland at Dignitas or just to take faith in your own hands and go with a peaceful way out yourself

Yes, definately thank you for sharing. Interesting stuff.

Your welcome.

 

[riverstyx]

I can understand your point as well.
Most be horrible to go through it like you do now. You could apply in Zwitserland at Dignitas or just to take faith in your own hands and go with a peaceful way out yourself

I'm doing OK. I live a relatively normal life in spite of my illness, but there's no telling what will happen in the future. I might end up living for several years or die next year. Who knows.

I tried ordering N from A, but I received nothing and A stopped answering my emails.

I have access to huge amount of oxycodone, like 120 mg, 60 mg and 40 mg tablets.

Still don't know if that would be enough for a peaceful death though. Especially with the tolerance I've built up.

I also have atenolol, which could be combined with oxycodone and zopiclone to induce a peaceful death.

 

[Berlin76]

Yeah i can understand that after not getting N you just wait and see what happens.

Dont know much about the other options you have with medication.

Just make sure it good when you do it.

 

[Berlin76]

@★†DaughterOfEve†★

some people are not ready to hear people want to die.
even my sister ask me to go on, but she know i am really done with it all.

in november 2018 i tested 2 ml and even that i vomit a lot .
I did passed out after it but meto is really needed with it

 

[★†DaughterOfEve†★]

@★†DaughterOfEve†★

some people are not ready to hear people want to die.
even my sister ask me to go on, but she know i am really done with it all.

in november 2018 i tested 2 ml and even that i vomit a lot .
I did passed out after it but meto is really needed with it

Yes true. They just don't believe I'm unwell enough. If I was terminally ill then they would probably understand more. Ah ok awww. If you are really done then you are really done.

Omg wow vomit from 2mls. Yikes. Ok good you passed out but yes you do need anti vomit medication with it. I really hope it is painless.

 

[Berlin76]

Yes true. They just don't believe I'm unwell enough. If I was terminally ill then they would probably understand more. Ah ok awww. If you are really done then you are really done.

Omg wow vomit from 2mls. Yikes. Ok good you passed out but yes you do need anti vomit medication with it. I really hope it is painless.

it is painless its a sleeping medication also used in the old days during surgery and still has his use in america with sleepig aid.

How many years therapy did you had?

 

[★†DaughterOfEve†★]

it is painless its a sleeping medication also used in the old days during surgery and still has his use in america with sleepig aid.

How many years therapy did you had?

Ok that is good because I'm in alot of pain already so don't want more pain when I pass away.

Um not years of therapy. I had some therapy a few years ago then it stopped. It's been hard for me to find the right supports. I'm now severely brain & body damaged from antidepressants, especially the liquid form & I'm in severe physical pain.

 

[Berlin76]

Ok that is good because I'm in alot of pain already so don't want more pain when I pass away.

Um not years of therapy. I had some therapy a few years ago then it stopped. It's been hard for me to find the right supports. I'm now severely brain & body damaged from antidepressants, especially the liquid form & I'm in severe physical pain.

how did you get brain damage and body damage from anit depressends"?

 

[★†DaughterOfEve†★]

how did you get brain damage and body damage from anit depressends"?

Because they are poisonous toxins to the body. I've been on them for so long & went on & off them plus I was on many different types. I especially think the liquid antidepressant I went on did the most damage. I should have never touched that at all.

 

[LucyJordan]

Ok, just want to share this to vent myself a bit.

So I am a older member by now since 2018 oktober more or less, under my old name ddutch

Last year august 2019 I applied myself for euthanesia
It was a long time waiting for me due to depression ptsd and A cluster disorder i have decided to end my life.
I had Nembetul from A but i failled last august becasue i only had domperidon.
the waitinglist of euthanesia was over a year.
So i had my attemp last august and it was horrible to fail and just needed to start over again.

Now last month november 5 I had my first interview with The end of life clinic .
Fucking been waiting for over a year end from one at the other momment they just called and told me they come on 5 november.
it was like it always is with psychologist just an interview of a hour.
The main purpose was that they had to explain the guide lines for the process of my case for my euthanesia.
First they said no telling how long precise it could take but moste of the time its around 8 months.
They dont procede when i start forcing them to hurry up with the whole process or when i use suicide or just the words to force them
then they will stop ofcourse. also that i would have to see a external psychiatrist who would examen my case and their work on my case.
If that person give A Go than they can procede with my case, but it can also happen this person would sugest more therapy.
But this is not likely because I already had 7 years of therapy with 3 clinics .

After this they will present my case to a second external person who will examen my total case to see if they have checked everything.
So this part is more for the justice department so they wont get persucuted by the justice department for murder.
because when they dont follow the rulls of the law than the euthanesia can be seen as murder.

By now I had also my second interview .
They have a clear picture of my case and they can see my hopeless and unbearable suffering.
They already had planned the interview with the external pshychtriatrist in upcoming january.
So that made me happy sort off because normally this takes months to have a opening for a interview like that.
But this day with the second interview I really was in a bad place mentaly, I hardly spoke with them.
I was just zoned out and filled with anger and sorrow and depressed feeling this day my family was talking mostly .
they ended the inteview by telling they can see my mental hopeless and unbearable suffering.

Still I am a sort of supriced I have the interview so fast now, this is feeling good.
But still there is a part of me that wants tocommit suicide myself and not with the help of the organisation.
Also because daily it takes long all these months.
But everytime it is only for family i delay it because they want me to go with euthanesia.
This is just just f*** breaking me up mentaly also.

I did tell me mom I am making sure I have backup for when they dont honour my request for euthanesia

Anyway some here ask me to tell how it goes and wanted to hear the process when it started, so it started

I don't understand: you failed with N because you only had domperidome? What happened with the N?

 

[Berlin76]

I don't understand: you failed with N because you only had domperidome? What happened with the N?

Domperidon dont cross the bloodstream to the brain. Metoclopramide does it and it shutdown receptors in the brain so you wont vomit. The N i had to trow it away because i already had it in a other bottle mixed with syrup. It even turned blue because of the syrup

 

[Sweet emotion]

Ok, just want to share this to vent myself a bit.

So I am a older member by now since 2018 oktober more or less, under my old name ddutch

Last year august 2019 I applied myself for euthanesia
It was a long time waiting for me due to depression ptsd and A cluster disorder i have decided to end my life.
I had Nembetul from A but i failled last august becasue i only had domperidon.
the waitinglist of euthanesia was over a year.
So i had my attemp last august and it was horrible to fail and just needed to start over again.

Now last month november 5 I had my first interview with The end of life clinic .
Fucking been waiting for over a year end from one at the other momment they just called and told me they come on 5 november.
it was like it always is with psychologist just an interview of a hour.
The main purpose was that they had to explain the guide lines for the process of my case for my euthanesia.
First they said no telling how long precise it could take but moste of the time its around 8 months.
They dont procede when i start forcing them to hurry up with the whole process or when i use suicide or just the words to force them
then they will stop ofcourse. also that i would have to see a external psychiatrist who would examen my case and their work on my case.
If that person give A Go than they can procede with my case, but it can also happen this person would sugest more therapy.
But this is not likely because I already had 7 years of therapy with 3 clinics .

After this they will present my case to a second external person who will examen my total case to see if they have checked everything.
So this part is more for the justice department so they wont get persucuted by the justice department for murder.
because when they dont follow the rulls of the law than the euthanesia can be seen as murder.

By now I had also my second interview .
They have a clear picture of my case and they can see my hopeless and unbearable suffering.
They already had planned the interview with the external pshychtriatrist in upcoming january.
So that made me happy sort off because normally this takes months to have a opening for a interview like that.
But this day with the second interview I really was in a bad place mentaly, I hardly spoke with them.
I was just zoned out and filled with anger and sorrow and depressed feeling this day my family was talking mostly .
they ended the inteview by telling they can see my mental hopeless and unbearable suffering.

Still I am a sort of supriced I have the interview so fast now, this is feeling good.
But still there is a part of me that wants tocommit suicide myself and not with the help of the organisation.
Also because daily it takes long all these months.
But everytime it is only for family i delay it because they want me to go with euthanesia.
This is just just f*** breaking me up mentaly also.

I did tell me mom I am making sure I have backup for when they dont honour my request for euthanesia

Anyway some here ask me to tell how it goes and wanted to hear the process when it started, so it started

Wow you're extremely lucky. I wish America would catch up with the rest of the world. I would wait for the euthanasia. Maybe for the months ahead before it happens you could do things you never got a chance to do. It beats trying to kill yourself and failing or being in serious pain. I'd take that offer in a heartbeat.

 

[Berlin76]

Wow you're extremely lucky. I wish America would catch up with the rest of the world.

I agree but so many countries dont have it.
And so many people who are in pain or with cancer or mental dont have the exit.

 

[XoXoNae]

So if you don't mind.. what is it you have!

 

[Taki]

Ok, just want to share this to vent myself a bit.

So I am a older member by now since 2018 oktober more or less, under my old name ddutch

Last year august 2019 I applied myself for euthanesia
It was a long time waiting for me due to depression ptsd and A cluster disorder i have decided to end my life.
I had Nembetul from A but i failled last august becasue i only had domperidon.
the waitinglist of euthanesia was over a year.
So i had my attemp last august and it was horrible to fail and just needed to start over again.

Now last month november 5 I had my first interview with The end of life clinic .
Fucking been waiting for over a year end from one at the other momment they just called and told me they come on 5 november.
it was like it always is with psychologist just an interview of a hour.
The main purpose was that they had to explain the guide lines for the process of my case for my euthanesia.
First they said no telling how long precise it could take but moste of the time its around 8 months.
They dont procede when i start forcing them to hurry up with the whole process or when i use suicide or just the words to force them
then they will stop ofcourse. also that i would have to see a external psychiatrist who would examen my case and their work on my case.
If that person give A Go than they can procede with my case, but it can also happen this person would sugest more therapy.
But this is not likely because I already had 7 years of therapy with 3 clinics .

After this they will present my case to a second external person who will examen my total case to see if they have checked everything.
So this part is more for the justice department so they wont get persucuted by the justice department for murder.
because when they dont follow the rulls of the law than the euthanesia can be seen as murder.

By now I had also my second interview .
They have a clear picture of my case and they can see my hopeless and unbearable suffering.
They already had planned the interview with the external pshychtriatrist in upcoming january.
So that made me happy sort off because normally this takes months to have a opening for a interview like that.
But this day with the second interview I really was in a bad place mentaly, I hardly spoke with them.
I was just zoned out and filled with anger and sorrow and depressed feeling this day my family was talking mostly .
they ended the inteview by telling they can see my mental hopeless and unbearable suffering.

Still I am a sort of supriced I have the interview so fast now, this is feeling good.
But still there is a part of me that wants tocommit suicide myself and not with the help of the organisation.
Also because daily it takes long all these months.
But everytime it is only for family i delay it because they want me to go with euthanesia.
This is just just f*** breaking me up mentaly also.

I did tell me mom I am making sure I have backup for when they dont honour my request for euthanesia

Anyway some here ask me to tell how it goes and wanted to hear the process when it started, so it started

Sorry for your frustration. What country are you in?

 

[Berlin76]

So if you don't mind.. what is it you have!

Mental issues ptsd depression and personality disorder in the A cluster and derealisation.

Sorry for your frustration. What country are you in?

Holland

 

[XoXoNae]

Mental issues ptsd depression and personality disorder in the A cluster and derealisation.


Holland

I see... sorry about your troubles

 

[cursum.perficio]

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you're approved. I wish my country was as humane as the NL.

Ok, just want to share this to vent myself a bit.

So I am a older member by now since 2018 oktober more or less, under my old name ddutch

Last year august 2019 I applied myself for euthanesia
It was a long time waiting for me due to depression ptsd and A cluster disorder i have decided to end my life.
I had Nembetul from A but i failled last august becasue i only had domperidon.
the waitinglist of euthanesia was over a year.
So i had my attemp last august and it was horrible to fail and just needed to start over again.

Now last month november 5 I had my first interview with The end of life clinic .
Fucking been waiting for over a year end from one at the other momment they just called and told me they come on 5 november.
it was like it always is with psychologist just an interview of a hour.
The main purpose was that they had to explain the guide lines for the process of my case for my euthanesia.
First they said no telling how long precise it could take but moste of the time its around 8 months.
They dont procede when i start forcing them to hurry up with the whole process or when i use suicide or just the words to force them
then they will stop ofcourse. also that i would have to see a external psychiatrist who would examen my case and their work on my case.
If that person give A Go than they can procede with my case, but it can also happen this person would sugest more therapy.
But this is not likely because I already had 7 years of therapy with 3 clinics .

After this they will present my case to a second external person who will examen my total case to see if they have checked everything.
So this part is more for the justice department so they wont get persucuted by the justice department for murder.
because when they dont follow the rulls of the law than the euthanesia can be seen as murder.

By now I had also my second interview .
They have a clear picture of my case and they can see my hopeless and unbearable suffering.
They already had planned the interview with the external pshychtriatrist in upcoming january.
So that made me happy sort off because normally this takes months to have a opening for a interview like that.
But this day with the second interview I really was in a bad place mentaly, I hardly spoke with them.
I was just zoned out and filled with anger and sorrow and depressed feeling this day my family was talking mostly .
they ended the inteview by telling they can see my mental hopeless and unbearable suffering.

Still I am a sort of supriced I have the interview so fast now, this is feeling good.
But still there is a part of me that wants tocommit suicide myself and not with the help of the organisation.
Also because daily it takes long all these months.
But everytime it is only for family i delay it because they want me to go with euthanesia.
This is just just f*** breaking me up mentaly also.

I did tell me mom I am making sure I have backup for when they dont honour my request for euthanesia

Anyway some here ask me to tell how it goes and wanted to hear the process when it started, so it started

 

[Berlin76]

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you're approved. I wish my country was as humane as the NL.

Thank you

 

[Berlin76]

@AnnaJaspers thank you. i wil update my tread about my euthanasia process

 

[LucyJordan]

@★†DaughterOfEve†★

some people are not ready to hear people want to die.
even my sister ask me to go on, but she know i am really done with it all.

in november 2018 i tested 2 ml and even that i vomit a lot .
I did passed out after it but meto is really needed with it

Indeed, when you suffer of a physical illness, everyone understands the choice for euthanasia, wanting them that the suffering may end. Having mental pain is another thing. Your own free will seems not to count anymore. External doctors and psychiatrists, as you mention (people who haven't known you during your lifetime), have to agree. As if you're a baby ... and that's why I hate the euthanasia laws in Belgium and the Netherlands. No respect for those who suffer mentally. That's why I rather choose to ctb. I managed a fulltime job and a household by my own, for over 30 years. Now that my bucket has run 'empty'', others think they have the right to decide that I'm not allowed to leave the painful life I have to live.
Het ga je goed, Berlin. Hopelijk neemt het hele proces niet te veel tijd meer in beslag. Ik had graag met je geconverseerd via pm, maar ik zie dat je die optie hebt uitgeschakeld.

 

[Berlin76]

Indeed, when you suffer of a physical illness, everyone understands the choice for euthanasia, wanting them that the suffering may end. Having mental pain is another thing. Your own free will seems not to count anymore. External doctors and psychiatrists, as you mention (people who haven't known you during your lifetime), have to agree. As if you're a baby ... and that's why I hate the euthanasia laws in Belgium and the Netherlands. No respect for those who suffer mentally. That's why I rather choose to ctb. I managed a fulltime job and a household by my own, for over 30 years. Now that my bucket has run 'empty'', others think they have the right to decide that I'm not allowed to leave the painful life I have to live.
Het ga je goed, Berlin. Hopelijk neemt het hele proces niet te veel tijd meer in beslag. Ik had graag met je geconverseerd via pm, maar ik zie dat je die optie hebt uitgeschakeld.

I do agree to some extent with you about the mental health procedures with euthanasia. I do see they want to help and do approve people and thay ground.
But many cases who really are done with therapy and no options left get also rejected, they even take their owb lifes after they get rejected. So its really hard for them to judge who is really suffering.

Even i am afraid they will reject my case.

Ja je kan mij gewoon een bericht sturen nu hoor stond uit blijkbaar. Geloof dat me privacy settings weer normaal staan nu

 

[Kruger]

Ok, just want to share this to vent myself a bit.

So I am a older member by now since 2018 oktober more or less, under my old name ddutch

Last year august 2019 I applied myself for euthanesia
It was a long time waiting for me due to depression ptsd and A cluster disorder i have decided to end my life.
I had Nembetul from A but i failled last august becasue i only had domperidon.
the waitinglist of euthanesia was over a year.
So i had my attemp last august and it was horrible to fail and just needed to start over again.

Now last month november 5 I had my first interview with The end of life clinic .
Fucking been waiting for over a year end from one at the other momment they just called and told me they come on 5 november.
it was like it always is with psychologist just an interview of a hour.
The main purpose was that they had to explain the guide lines for the process of my case for my euthanesia.
First they said no telling how long precise it could take but moste of the time its around 8 months.
They dont procede when i start forcing them to hurry up with the whole process or when i use suicide or just the words to force them
then they will stop ofcourse. also that i would have to see a external psychiatrist who would examen my case and their work on my case.
If that person give A Go than they can procede with my case, but it can also happen this person would sugest more therapy.
But this is not likely because I already had 7 years of therapy with 3 clinics .

After this they will present my case to a second external person who will examen my total case to see if they have checked everything.
So this part is more for the justice department so they wont get persucuted by the justice department for murder.
because when they dont follow the rulls of the law than the euthanesia can be seen as murder.

By now I had also my second interview .
They have a clear picture of my case and they can see my hopeless and unbearable suffering.
They already had planned the interview with the external pshychtriatrist in upcoming january.
So that made me happy sort off because normally this takes months to have a opening for a interview like that.
But this day with the second interview I really was in a bad place mentaly, I hardly spoke with them.
I was just zoned out and filled with anger and sorrow and depressed feeling this day my family was talking mostly .
they ended the inteview by telling they can see my mental hopeless and unbearable suffering.

Still I am a sort of supriced I have the interview so fast now, this is feeling good.
But still there is a part of me that wants tocommit suicide myself and not with the help of the organisation.
Also because daily it takes long all these months.
But everytime it is only for family i delay it because they want me to go with euthanesia.
This is just just f*** breaking me up mentaly also.

I did tell me mom I am making sure I have backup for when they dont honour my request for euthanesia

Anyway some here ask me to tell how it goes and wanted to hear the process when it started, so it started

You're so lucky you even have the option. Ben je nederlands? I do not qualify where I am - I have an inoperable brain tumour that is getting bigger and making ly life hell but I'm supposed to die a slow and debilitating death. Animals don't even get treated like this!

If I had access to euthanasia a huge burden would be lifted from my shoulders.

I don't really fear death. My concern is undue suffering while dying. I imagine not being able to eat or drink, or slowly being choked to death because of the tumor that's lodged in my neck.

If I could be reassured my death would be complication and pain free, and that I could leave at the the time of my own choosing it would be a huge relief for me.

Unfortunately, the political establishment in my country is nowhere near legalising euthanasia, so the traditional way of dying, letting nature take it's course, is the way for me.

I hope it's quick and relatively pain free when the time comes, but there's no guarantees.

Hey, I have an inoperable brain tumour and share many f your fears. I should be enjoying what time i have, but instead I am having to trawl the dark web to find what i need to do what i need to do. It's time consuming and I have no idea who to trust (vendors), you know the story. The establishment (medical mafia) get off on making us die slow deaths with as much suffering as possible. It would be such a relief if i could source nembutal and just know i had it for when i needed it, i could stop worrying and enjoy my time.

 

[Berlin76]

You're so lucky you even have the option. Ben je nederlands? I do not qualify where I am - I have an inoperable brain tumour that is getting bigger and making ly life hell but I'm supposed to die a slow and debilitating death. Animals don't even get treated like this!

Hey, I have an inoperable brain tumour and share many f your fears. I should be enjoying what time i have, but instead I am having to trawl the dark web to find what i need to do what i need to do. It's time consuming and I have no idea who to trust (vendors), you know the story. The establishment (medical mafia) get off on making us die slow deaths with as much suffering as possible. It would be such a relief if i could source nembutal and just know i had it for when i needed it, i could stop worrying and enjoy my time.

Jezus did the euthanasia clinic reject your request? I am dutch and on mental issues my case is being examined now.
But it can take months still.

Also the process i am in now with the interviews also 40/50% get rejected.
So it is still a exam if you can die it all depends on the interpretation and view they have on the total case.

 

[Kruger]

Jezus did the euthanasia clinic reject your request? I am dutch and on mental issues my case is being examined now.
But it can take months still.

Also the process i am in now with the interviews also 40/50% get rejected.
So it is still a exam if you can die it all depends on the interpretation and view they have on the total case.

Hoe kan ik een privaat bericht aan je sturen?