
Mustkeyknow
Experienced
- Feb 8, 2020
- 275
A little background, I'm 33 with a not so great career in finance, never liked it but had to finish studies to please parents. Only got in shitty entry level positions with no real development for the past ten years, so I'm not really blaming anyone but myself.
Anyway I was fine, to an extent, last year, working minimum wage, smoking pot, working out, doing yoga, not really worrying about the future.
Then she enters the picture. 27 STEM graduate with a bright future. And she loved me for who i was, which I thought was going to be fine until I realized what a loser I was. Relationships are mirrors you know? And I, stopped smoking pot, cleaned up nicely and tried to get at least a decent better paying job. But that didn't happen. Got into plenty of interviews but nothing. Then depression came. Full force. No holds barred.
The thing is that I was fine with my regular not so brilliant laymen life before I met her and now I just l don't feel ok, I guess im too sensitive. She's been nothing but supportive, but I just-
I mean who the fuck am I joking, this isn't going to work out right? She's so perfect so pretty so smart and I'm a complete loser next to her. Next to me. She wants to move together as soon as she lands a job but I can't even pay for my own stuff.
It's just so hard for me but I have to accept the fact that maybe I'm better off alone. I broke it off (she's not going to break up with me, she really loves me) and we've been taking ever since but she's too busy with her graduation coming up. I'm busy with my not killing myself thing.
Anyway I just sort of realized that I'm always going to feel like a complete loser next to her, even if i accomplish whatever in the future. I'm 33 ffs. Undergraduate with a shitty career. No real future, or the future was now and it sucks. I amounted to this.
I'm just done blaming myself I'm done hurting myself with the past and what I did and what not. I just want to move FORWARD, either with CTB or living idk.
I'm still torn. Anyway thanks for listening, sometimes I think this forum helps better than therapy.
Anyway I was fine, to an extent, last year, working minimum wage, smoking pot, working out, doing yoga, not really worrying about the future.
Then she enters the picture. 27 STEM graduate with a bright future. And she loved me for who i was, which I thought was going to be fine until I realized what a loser I was. Relationships are mirrors you know? And I, stopped smoking pot, cleaned up nicely and tried to get at least a decent better paying job. But that didn't happen. Got into plenty of interviews but nothing. Then depression came. Full force. No holds barred.
The thing is that I was fine with my regular not so brilliant laymen life before I met her and now I just l don't feel ok, I guess im too sensitive. She's been nothing but supportive, but I just-
I mean who the fuck am I joking, this isn't going to work out right? She's so perfect so pretty so smart and I'm a complete loser next to her. Next to me. She wants to move together as soon as she lands a job but I can't even pay for my own stuff.
It's just so hard for me but I have to accept the fact that maybe I'm better off alone. I broke it off (she's not going to break up with me, she really loves me) and we've been taking ever since but she's too busy with her graduation coming up. I'm busy with my not killing myself thing.
Anyway I just sort of realized that I'm always going to feel like a complete loser next to her, even if i accomplish whatever in the future. I'm 33 ffs. Undergraduate with a shitty career. No real future, or the future was now and it sucks. I amounted to this.
I'm just done blaming myself I'm done hurting myself with the past and what I did and what not. I just want to move FORWARD, either with CTB or living idk.
I'm still torn. Anyway thanks for listening, sometimes I think this forum helps better than therapy.
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