Venting My classmate told me it's annoying to hear me talk about how i want to kill myself

[Karl Heisenberg]

It's been two years since we've known each other and because I was, like now, highly suicidal with four attempts (each one with different method). At that moment I have started to realise, that I just can't die. It was a terrible feeling. I had no method avaible to me nor money to buy a black powder pistol or anything like that. I started going crazy, which apparently manifested itself in me starting to joke about my suicidal attempts and desires in front of others and the worst thing that could happen to me was that nobody cared, they just didn't know what to say to that (which i understand, they were just teens).

Anyway, one of our teachers passed away last week. I knew him, he was a nice teacher, I even created one project just for him (and also for my purposes) dealing with a homemade RC jet engine but sadly, I couldn't finish it in time. My classmates were talking about this accident in our instagram group. I went there and said: "this is so sad, I wish I had the empathy to sympathize with you" (I am an autist and one of my diseases is that I have not much empathy, also I can't understand irony or sarcasm etc.), to which one of my classmates replied: "good, now shut the fuck up". To that I replied: "What's wrong?! I'm literally writing here that I just can't feel empathy, but I'm sorry for him. Then when I write "I'm going to kill myself" write me "don't do it" dude" (BTW they know that I am an autist), which he replied to that: "Sorry, but I have no empathy". Then I replied: "bitch i'm going to kill myself because spending some time here with you is just suffering". Then one other classmate replied: "Why do you keep saying that? We know it all, so it's getting annoying that you keep saying it over and over, you know?".

Is this considered as bullying or is it normal reaction to someone who want to kill himself? Did I do something wrong? I don't know. Please, tell me your opinion to this and I very much appreciate that you read all this to this point.
If I did any grammar mistakes, I am sorry. English is not my main language to speak with.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, going around saying shit like "oh, I wish I had the empathy to sympathize with you" in response to others grieving isn't going to be received well. I know you didn't mean it, but comes off as rude, sarcastic, and incredibly insensitive. Even if the group knows that you are autistic that doesn't mean that they are going to always keep that in mind when you say stuff like that, especially when they aren't doing well emotionally. Along with that, telling them that you are going to kill yourself in response to them getting upset is just pouring gasoline on the fire. It comes off as manipulative and as you playing victim. I'm not surprised that they responded to that by throwing your words back at you. If I were you, I would write them a sincere apology explaining yourself while also taking accountability for your actions (people don't like it when it feels like others are trying to find ways to excuse their actions, even when said excuse is valid). I'd also recommend not going around ranting about and threatening to kill yourself in general. It doesn't justcomes off as manipulative (a lot of abusive people do this specifically to manipulate their victims into doing what they want) and will make others not take you seriously over time (think boy who cried wolf), but it also puts you at risk of being hospitalized if the wrong person over hears you saying this and reports you. It's also really fucking annoying and can actually end up taking a toll on the mental health of those around to continually do this. If you want to vent about being suicidal then you should either ask your friends about it first so that they can mentally prepare themselves or just do it on here.

 

[ashtoreth]

Okay, so that sentence started off with addressing them with "bitch". In the context that you used it here, that was an insult to them. Then you said you want to kill yourself because spending time with them means suffering. If I read that, I would think you meant that I'm being accused of making you suffer, and therefore suicidal. That's a heavy accusation.
Then, as you seem to suspect, hearing something over and over will become annoying to most people at some point. They hear you saying you want to kill yourself, and because it's not happening, they will start to think it's not really serious and just a need for attention. We know it's serious, but that's what many people will think. They will lose empathy and become annoyed. What they would probably prefer is seeing that you take some action towards getting better. Also, it may have been that they were engaged in talking about and remembering and cherishing the deceased professor, and that's not really a sensible moment to interrupt with an argument about your own problems, because it wasn't about you, and they might have felt that it was disrespectful to the professor's memory and their talking about him.

Also, I second @EvisceratedJester : saying you wish you had the empathy to sympathize with them sounds very sarcastic. Just say that you find this situation sad. Btw that's already sympathizing with them ... they are sad aswell. And her idea of you writing an apology seems like a good one to me. You feeling hurt now doesn't mean there is nothing to apologize for, they probably felt annoyed, hurt, sad, or other negative things, or they wouldn't have reacted like that. If they are your friends, it's worth to jump over your own hurt and pride sometimes to mend relations.

 

[Necrosis]

If you repetitively tell people you're going to kill yourself they're going to become worn down. Especially because they're not equipped to deal with your mental illness. You have the ability to understand that the situation was sad, so you should've just said that. Not include you're inability to fully feel for them. This is probable why they threw that right back at you. It's also not going to help your case if you retaliate by saying you're going to kill yourself and it's their fault. You're digging yourself into a pit this way. They will become resentful, not feel for you.

I wouldn't say this is exactly bullying. I assume they've gotten to this point because you've contiguously caused them to become irate with you and you didn't realize. I am also autistic but I can still use logic in stand of a lack of empathy. It doesn't even really matter that you're saying you want to kill yourself over and over being why its annoying. You're repeating yourself, they don't have input on this, and yet you keep doing it. If you need to express these feelings there are spaces for it or go see a counselor. Do not drag your classmates into it.

I'd say the first step to fix this is to apologize at your lack of understanding, express your intentions (wanting to share condolences), and do some self reflection on your behavior and where you should be expressing yourself. There is a proper time and place for everything and being autistic makes this a struggle to understand naturally, but that doesn't mean you cannot learn to grow as a person in social circles.

 

[sh1ttynerd]

It wasnt your fault that they didnt understand, you deserve to be heard but enforcing it in a moment while someone else has died is indeed distasteful. Especially while the students of that teacher are still mourning, my advice is to not constantly change the topic to be about yourself eg. the "I dont feel anything and i wish i felt sympathy" does sound a bit rude even if honest rather you say something along the lines of "I hope he finds peace" which dosent dilude the entire topic into something about yourself instead.

i hope this dosent sound rude, its not your fault you didnt understand, but his students deserve to mourn a loss not wanted by the one that died instead of hearing about you instead, i hope you find peace in this dammned world, i hope your teacher did too.

 

[Grumble]

My classmates were talking about this accident in our instagram group. I went there and said: "this is so sad, I wish I had the empathy to sympathize with you"

You could have omitted the second part of your statement here.

"I wish I had the empathy to sympathize with you," only concerns yourself and doesn't relate to the situation. In effect, this is making a mournful statement about yourself in a discussion where people are mourning a person's death. You wouldn't go to a funeral and tell people, "I wish I could feel sad about this." This is a similar concept.

 

[Ariii]

Firstly, what you said about empathy was completely inappropriate. It makes you seem like you don't care, because that's exactly what you're implying. In a situation where someone has passed, provide your sympathies and move on if you can't actually feel it's

When you said you were going to kill yourself, in response to the criticism, most people are going to interpret that is guilt-tripping to get them to stop criticizing you. Especially if you have said similar things before.

I understand that your autism makes it harder for you to interact with people. But you have to understand that when you act this way, people will treat you as a neurotypical and react this way. And it's your responsibility to be polite, Especially if it's in regards to a situation as sensitive as someone's passing.

Also are you sure you're old enough to post? I don't like questioning people's ages on here, but this reads to me like a teenager wrote it. My bad if your not though

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Also are you sure you're old enough to post on here? I don't like questioning people's ages, but this post makes me think that you're under 18.

So it wasn't just me.

 

[Ww42]

It's been two years since we've known each other and because I was, like now, highly suicidal with four attempts (each one with different method). At that moment I have started to realise, that I just can't die. It was a terrible feeling. I had no method avaible to me nor money to buy a black powder pistol or anything like that. I started going crazy, which apparently manifested itself in me starting to joke about my suicidal attempts and desires in front of others and the worst thing that could happen to me was that nobody cared, they just didn't know what to say to that (which i understand, they were just teens).

Anyway, one of our teachers passed away last week. I knew him, he was a nice teacher, I even created one project just for him (and also for my purposes) dealing with a homemade RC jet engine but sadly, I couldn't finish it in time. My classmates were talking about this accident in our instagram group. I went there and said: "this is so sad, I wish I had the empathy to sympathize with you" (I am an autist and one of my diseases is that I have not much empathy, also I can't understand irony or sarcasm etc.), to which one of my classmates replied: "good, now shut the fuck up". To that I replied: "What's wrong?! I'm literally writing here that I just can't feel empathy, but I'm sorry for him. Then when I write "I'm going to kill myself" write me "don't do it" dude" (BTW they know that I am an autist), which he replied to that: "Sorry, but I have no empathy". Then I replied: "bitch i'm going to kill myself because spending some time here with you is just suffering". Then one other classmate replied: "Why do you keep saying that? We know it all, so it's getting annoying that you keep saying it over and over, you know?".

Is this considered as bullying or is it normal reaction to someone who want to kill himself? Did I do something wrong? I don't know. Please, tell me your opinion to this and I very much appreciate that you read all this to this point.
If I did any grammar mistakes, I am sorry. English is not my main language to speak with.

I'm autistic too, so I understand in a way not having the empathy for others, because if I don't actively focus on having it and understanding what is happening for the other side, I just wont have that empathy.. This sounds like a really tough situation for both parties involved Neurotypicals won't every truly understand what someone with autism is trying to convey in their messages because we just aren't able to convey our messages in a way the neurotypicals will like. I don't know for you, but I am very blunt and have been called calloused in how I speak, and NT's hate that for a reason I won't ever understand. I'm sorry you're not having a good situation happen right now OP

 

[Throwawaysoul]

All the normies think that way