My boyfriend committed suicide

[Marco77]

Sorry for my English, but I have to use the translator. Towards the first days of July the love of my life committed suicide. He wrote me a message at 8.14pm, and I immediately called for help and with the car at full speed I tried to get to where he was (abandoned construction site near home). I knew where he was because I had a GPS in his car for some time. He had already attempted suicide 3 years ago and I saved him, but this time it went differently.
I arrived at 8.46pm, and it was all over. The police cut the cord and he had already left me forever. I have an emptiness inside me, a pain that doesn't let me breathe. I want to leave the same way, but I'm afraid of suffering. I want to hang myself and stop existing forever. I cry every day, I live on his memories and little by little I'm dying inside. I feel like all the lights are going out and I feel this life like a cage where I scream and no one hears me. Tell me the hanging will be quick and I will suffer little.

 

[Evelyn Lane]

Did he hang himself in a car?

 

[EG1141]

I'm so sorry. I imagine he was in great pain. He's definitely watching over you now.

 

[Marco77]

Si è impiccato in macchina?

Sì, si è suicidato in un cantiere edile, appeso a nuove travi di legno.

 

[rozeske]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you strength to pull through those difficult moments of grief.

 

[Marco77]

Yes he committed suicide on a construction site, he was hanging from new wooden beams.

 

[Downdraft]

He had already attempted suicide 3 years ago and I saved him

I get you were in great pain but calling the cops on someone will worsen their situation more. Did he regret it and sent help? If not, why not trying to think it's what he truly wanted and thought it for a very long time? Why not respecting that choice other out of anxiety?

 

[Evelyn Lane]

I see. By the way, when you hang yourself you lose consciousness within 20 seconds.

 

[CantDoIt]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I would give it some time before deciding what you want to do in this situation, but of course you are free to make your own decisions.

 

[Marco77]

I get you were in great pain but calling the cops on someone will worsen their situation more. Did he regret it and sent help? If not, why not trying to think it's what he truly wanted and thought it for a very long time? Why not respecting that choice other out of anxiety?

He had also tried many years before. Borderline people want to be saved. They first let people know what they are about to do, but they don't always arrive in time.

I see. By the way, when you hang yourself you lose consciousness within 20 seconds.

Is the pain severe in those 20 seconds?

 

[Downdraft]

He had also tried many years before. Borderline people want to be saved. They first let people know what they are about to do, but they don't always arrive in time.

Was he BPD? I don't understand the illness to talk about it, but many people who write a note simply wants to say goodbye. Did he ever talk about not wanting to die, or never mentioned it?

By the sound of it, this attempt didn't come out of nowhere.

 

[Dot]

I get you were in great pain but calling the cops on someone will worsen their situation more. Did he regret it and sent help? If not, why not trying to think it's what he truly wanted and thought it for a very long time? Why not respecting that choice other out of anxiety?

If sme1 infrms an unwillng 3rd prty of thr attmpt thn = nt fair t/ xpect thse ppl t/ sy 'ok g/ ahed' tho

Ppl specfclly join sasu bcse 99% of ppl r on th/ sme pge & accpt ppl choics

Bt throwng sme1 in2 tht stuatn w/o warnng & xpectng thm t/ d/ nothng whle tramtisng thm = jst nt realstc

 

[Downdraft]

If sme1 infrms an unwillng 3rd prty of thr attmpt thn = nt fair t/ xpect thse ppl t/ sy 'ok g/ ahed' tho

Ppl specfclly join sasu bcse 99% of ppl r on th/ sme pge & accpt ppl choics

Bt throwng sme1 in2 tht stuatn w/o warnng & xpectng thm t/ d/ nothng whle tramtisng thm = jst nt realstc

It was a genuine question, there was a chance he actually wanted to be saved tho. I just don't have the full picture here. The message could've been badly scheduled like an user had the other day, or he could've called for help.

"It's just not realistic" agreed for a variety of reasons, and it's a big problem. But being copped sucks regardless. It's not too likely someone feels calm enough, but if they really wanted to die, at least wait few minutes before calling, give them some grace, and respect their choice.

It was probably done for anxiety which I get, that feeling controls you, and some others too, but it's a minute or two too much? Again it sucks it has to be like this.

 

[Evelyn Lane]

Is the pain severe in those 20 seconds?

Take a look at this:

Collection of testimonials on what it feels like to hang yourself

I decided to create a collection of testimonials from people who went through the hanging experience. I'll try to include testimonials from those who lost consciousness, but if I find a testimonial particularly useful (even though they didn't lose consciousness) I'll include it. I'm generally...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

He had also tried many years before. Borderline people want to be saved. They first let people know what they are about to do, but they don't always arrive in time.


Is the pain severe in those 20 seconds?

I'm so sorry for your loss, that's absolutely heartbreaking, your post is incredibly sad. Hanging isn't something you can come back from. He wanted out, to be free of pain. I'm sorry. I hope with time, your pain eases.

Not true. I have Borderline and I haven't told everyone about every attempt, we don't want to be 'saved', we want to be helped, there's a big difference. We merely want someone to listen, and wanting to end your suffering is not about wanting to be rescued, it is about wanting peace - to be free from the inner torment - it is unbearable. That is a misconception with Borderline. Massively. It is majorly stigmatised, even with mental health professionals. I don't tell people how I feel, because I always feel like a burden, because of the label I received at such a young age.

Most Borderlines want to stop feeling the way they do. Imagine being trapped inside your head 24/7 and feeling from one extreme to the other, constantly, and at the slightest little thing. It is usually a result of trauma, extreme trauma. No one understands, because they don't feel how we do. There isn't help for it either, you are usually just left, and treatment is well.. near on non-existent.

Some tell people what they're going to do, because they don't want to die - they want to end their suffering. They call for help, because they are scared - who isn't scared of death? They merely want to end the pain, they do not do it for attention. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be saved, some people do, but as a fellow individual with Borderline, this is inaccurate information. There is a lot of misinformation online also, most of it is a load of rubbish.

Trauma causes a lot of issues, and those with trauma are usually labelled with personality disorders, when it is untreated complex trauma that effects literally everything about you as an individual, therefore your entire life.

I hope this helps you understand a little better, I know it won't ease your pain, but there it is still very raw and it will take time to process everything. When someone wants to end it, there isn't anything you can do, they will do it if they are determined to.

I hope your pain eases with time

 

[whywere]

My heart and soul go out to you, as we are all family here and reading your post made me cry and I wish I could give you a huge hug.

I firmly believe that this life is one of many and we all will see our loved ones again, 100% believe this aspect and you are such a kind and caring person that I wish that you have a good weekend and upcoming week filled with the love and caring of everybody here.

At the age of 68 I have had my share of hell, BUT each and every time someone has come along to help heal me and that is what SaSu is all about, helping and healing.

HUGE hugs, all the love in this world and I am around if you would like to chat sometime, as we are ALL in this together period.

Walter

 

[sorrowful]

My heart aches for you. In July, I also lost my person to suicide, in a way I want to do the same to reunite with him in the afterlife (not the whole reason, though part). At least I believe that we will reunite and that brings me some comfort. I understand how much pain you may be in right now as it's completely soul crushing. I'm sorry I cannot offer much advice, I can only send my love. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[maniac116]

Sorry for my English, but I have to use the translator. Towards the first days of July the love of my life committed suicide. He wrote me a message at 8.14pm, and I immediately called for help and with the car at full speed I tried to get to where he was (abandoned construction site near home). I knew where he was because I had a GPS in his car for some time. He had already attempted suicide 3 years ago and I saved him, but this time it went differently.
I arrived at 8.46pm, and it was all over. The police cut the cord and he had already left me forever. I have an emptiness inside me, a pain that doesn't let me breathe. I want to leave the same way, but I'm afraid of suffering. I want to hang myself and stop existing forever. I cry every day, I live on his memories and little by little I'm dying inside. I feel like all the lights are going out and I feel this life like a cage where I scream and no one hears me. Tell me the hanging will be quick and I will suffer little.

I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now... So sorry for your boyfriend as well, having attempted in the past and now succeeding. His pain must have been unbearable...

I think you did all the right things. I don't think it is reasonable nor fair to expect that you'd let him go ahead with it. I would have done the same as you did. It doesn't matter if we understand how it feels to be suicidal, when it is a person we love deeply, I think all of that goes out the window. We are wired to want to save them, out of love, and that's what makes us humans.

I'm truly sorry you both had to live through that. I know it is no solace, losing a loved one is so hard, let alone in this manner...but I'm sure your boyfriend is now at peace, he won't feel pain anymore, he will rest eternally and one day you'll be together again.

Huge hugs to you, I'm truly sorry this has happened, it is tragic and unfair. I understand why you want out of this life. Just make sure this is what you truly want

 

[creirwy]

I'm so sorry for your loss, i really can't imagine the pain you must be feeling.
But even with all that pain inside you, do you really think he would've wanted you to die as well?