Discussion My birthday gift to myself this year

[Passenger4224]

My birthday is the saddest day of the year for me. Just everyone reminding me I was born when I wish I never was. This year I am finally going to make this day special to me and CTB.

I am in the US, and going out by firearm. My only concern is I have mild dyspraxia and I never used a gun before, other than a BB rifle years ago that I did surprisingly ok with.

I've already been to a firearm store and browsed. I'm gonna go back there closer to my birthday and make a purchase. I'm going for a pistol that can fit in my backpack. .38 revolver and hollow point bullets. I will aim inside the mouth and aim for the brainstem.

There are two places I am considering; both in the woods. One is in the middle of nowhere, on a trail by an unpaved road. I've only seen two other people there during the times I went; but I may choose a day with bad weather so people will stay inside. The other spot is off a cliff where I can fall after getting shot, but there is probably a higher likelihood of someone seeing me and trying to "rescue" me.

A week or so before my special day I will try to sabotage my health. I'll eat/drink minimally as well as avoid my vitamins completely. I have a strong immune system and want to do what I can to weaken it. Also, not sure if it matters if I'm standing up or sitting down when I pull the trigger. It would be nice to stand up to have to satisfaction of my body collapsing, but in the end I want to do what's more likely to succeed.

If I somehow fail, I will spend every second of my existence trying everything and anything until I succeed. I will not give up until something works, and I don't care if it takes 50 years, that will be my only life objective.

The reason I wrote this all here, is I'm curious what others think. Obviously you are not allowed to encourage others on this forum, but if anyone knows factual information regarding my plan (what is good, what I can do better, what I can add, etc) I'd appreciate it

 

[peachplushes]

I just want to warn you that some people flinch when they fire and that there are recorded instances of people "surviving" gunshot wounds and being deformed/having disabilities after. I'm mentioning this as someone who has in-depth researched this method in the past. I attempted with pills (I know, amateur move) years ago in my teens so I already can't get access to a firearm, but if I had one I def would have already caught the bus. Just letting you know to be careful and that, ironically, the calmer you are in the moment, the less likely you may be to flinch. Best of luck friend and I hope you feel better in the end

 

[Passenger4224]

I just want to warn you that some people flinch when they fire and that there are recorded instances of people "surviving" gunshot wounds and being deformed/having disabilities after. I'm mentioning this as someone who has in-depth researched this method in the past. I attempted with pills (I know, amateur move) years ago in my teens so I already can't get access to a firearm, but if I had one I def would have already caught the bus. Just letting you know to be careful and that, ironically, the calmer you are in the moment, the less likely you may be to flinch. Best of luck friend and I hope you feel better in the end

Yea ... the possibility of flinching / recoil messing me up is what scares me the most. Especially because I'm inexperienced with firearms. I should probably practice at a shooting range first, but ugh I don't wannaaaaa

Sorry about your previous attempt disqualifying your access to firearms :/

Thank you for the warning, I will keep it in mind!

 

[walliwalli]

i would just emphasize what the other person said about being calm in the moment. it might not be worth it to intentionally weaken yourself in advance of the day. i think it'd be perfectly fine to go into it being in good health, as that'll help you have a clear mind and be able to focus. if it goes well, then it's not like the health of your body will impact the lethality, y'know. and it'd be sad to be in physical pain all throughout your last week.

anyway, i'm sorry you feel that way about your birthday. best of luck.

 

[peachplushes]

i would just emphasize what the other person said about being calm in the moment. it might not be worth it to intentionally weaken yourself in advance of the day. i think it'd be perfectly fine to go into it being in good health, as that'll help you have a clear mind and be able to focus. if it goes well, then it's not like the health of your body will impact the lethality, y'know. and it'd be sad to be in physical pain all throughout your last week.

anyway, i'm sorry you feel that way about your birthday. best of luck.

I second this, I know that when I don't eat for a long time my hands get super shaky. Best of luck once again!

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I second this, I know that when I don't eat for a long time my hands get super shaky. Best of luck once again!

I third this, you also want to be getting optimal nutrition so you're able to think properly & not make careless mistakes that could sabotage everything because your brain is fuzzy. I'd actually take more vitamins & eat even better beforehand for this reason. It's important that it all goes according to plan, you want to be at your sharpest.