My best friends say I am too talkative concerning my suffering

[noname223]

I think they are right. Still it hurts. I send them daily a lot of messages how I suffer, why I suffer and my daily struggle in general. My best friends have much empathy and understanding. However it seems like a crossed a line. 2 of my best friends (I have 3) say it is too much. One said I should question myself if my behavior is good. I find it a bit unfair. When he felt bad he always asked me to send him audio messages. (Tbh I felt a bit used for that of him but I did it anyway.)
I just need a place to vent. I am glad this place exist. My friends say it is all so repetitive. Which might be true some struggles of mine are really not new.
Not sure what I should do now. I am so used to vent in our chat group. I will feel even lonelier now.
I would never quit my friends. However I think our contact will be way less when they all find gf's and work. The friend who said I should question myyself had barely time for us when he had a gf. But when the relationship broke he came back again. Still he is a very good friend. I am just angry at him for the moment.
My friends are the one of the best things that happened in my life. Though I think in the future our contact could become less. Maybe I am dead before this happens. It is hard to reduce the contact. But when they wish so I will have to do it.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Sad to say, most people really don't want to hear constant venting and complaining… I have one friend who is able to put up with this sort of thing… But for the others I try to keep things neutral or positive…
As they say, misery loves company. If you want to vent you might find somebody who has similar problems. Chances are they would be willing to listen.

 

[Starryeyes]

Reached out the other day to a 'friend' about something that bothers me with my family and he replied ' I don't gossip about others so goodnight'
Blocked that. I think I need to remove myself from social media altogether it's just a place to spew negative stuff for he and people get fed up with it

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel hurt. The way I see it people only care about what directly affects them and everyone is selfish, everything we do is to benefit ourselves. Most people do not have the energy or patience to hear someone talk about their suffering a lot unless they are going through a similar thing. People can let you down and it is why I personally choose to stay away from them. I wish you the best.

 

[4eyebiped]

Most people do not want to hear someone constantly complaining but when someone is in pain, that is what is going to be on their mind. It is like if someone walked up to you and stabbed you in the stomach with a large serrated knife, you aren't going to sit there wanting to talk about the weather. I understand both sides, and understanding both sides is important.

Friends are good to have but they do have their limits. They are a friend, not a therapist. It is why it is good to have support groups like this website. It is all about balance.

 

[Starryeyes]

Most people do not want to hear someone constantly complaining but when someone is in pain, that is what is going to be on their mind. It is like if someone walked up to you and stabbed you in the stomach with a large serrated knife, you aren't going to sit there wanting to talk about the weather. I understand both sides, and understanding both sides is important.

Friends are good to have but they do have their limits. They are a friend, not a therapist. It is why it is good to have support groups like this website. It is all about balance.

Friends say ' I wish they reached out' after someone dies. Yea friends aren't therapists so they may give the wrong advice, but they can still listen. I would listen to anybody, if they are struggling. Stranger or friend.

 

[canna2]

People are like moths to a flame, to positivity

They can't handle anything negative

 

[noname223]

Most people do not want to hear someone constantly complaining but when someone is in pain, that is what is going to be on their mind. It is like if someone walked up to you and stabbed you in the stomach with a large serrated knife, you aren't going to sit there wanting to talk about the weather. I understand both sides, and understanding both sides is important.

Friends are good to have but they do have their limits. They are a friend, not a therapist. It is why it is good to have support groups like this website. It is all about balance.

Tbh my friends know more than my therapist especially when it comes to suicide. However one of my friends (the one who said I should question myself) said he does not want to know my exact plans how I prepare my suicide.
He is the only one of them who also had depression. But compared to mine they are not that severe. (It is easy to say that. But he recovered way better than me. Did not need any medication and so on)

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Friends say ' I wish they reached out' after someone dies. Yea friends aren't therapists so they may give the wrong advice, but they can still listen. I would listen to anybody, if they are struggling. Stranger or friend.

I have close friends who are willing to listen and a sister who is willing to listen… I think most of these people however want me to finish complaining and begin coming up with solutions… I don't think they're comfortable with me telling them I'm not interested in a solution… I'm interested in ending things- So, in my case, that's why I don't really share with these people… I only really want to share with somebody who is in the same boat that I am…

 

[Snake of Eden]

Friends say ' I wish they reached out' after someone dies.

they dont really mean it. It is just something they would say to lie to themselves to make them feel that they are good person and that they care and it is the suicided person's responsibility to reach out. Even if they did reach out they would still say something along the lines. People are just like that at the end of the day. It is not good or bad but it is how it is

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

they dont really mean it. It is just something they would say to lie to themselves to make them feel that they are good person and that they care and it is the suicided person's responsibility to reach out. Even if they did reach out they would still say something along the lines. People are just like that at the end of the day. It is not good or bad but it is how it is

I'm sure that people Might feel like there was more they could've done to save you after the fact… Or maybe they accept the fact there's really Nothing they could've done… Or something in between… I have a friend right now he's doing everything he can to save me… He has lost people in his life… He knows what that looks like… I think he can Sense that's where I am… But what can he do?

 

[Snake of Eden]

I just need a place to vent. I am glad this place exist. My friends say it is all so repetitive. Which might be true some struggles of mine are really not new.
Not sure what I should do now. I am so used to vent in our chat group. I will feel even lonelier now.….
My friends are the one of the best things that happened in my life. Though I think in the future our contact could become less.

Family or friends will get sick of the same complaining at some point. Whats the point of venting after all if it gets repeated? Even the reward from it diminishes and it turns against you after awhile and you will be seen as cynical and negative. No one wants that type of responsibility and no one owes it to us to listen to our vents forever. You have a problem either try to seek advice for it to fix it or dont talk about it again and again. Thats not what friends are for. i know this sounds harsh but thats how relationships work. Yes you will not maintain the same level of contact with your friend in future because life happens and people get their priorities reshuffled and you will not hold the same importance to them as you once did. It is best to save venting for people in the same situation like yourself or keep it to this forum. Good luck

I'm sure that people Might feel like there was more they could've done to save you after the fact… Or maybe they accept the fact there's really Nothing they could've done… Or something in between… I have a friend right now he's doing everything he can to save me… He has lost people in his life… He knows what that looks like… I think he can Sense that's where I am… But what can he do?

Exactly. Other people cant really save you from yourself. I wish people can stop blaming others for not helping them enough and instead focus on solving their own problems.

 

[noname223]

Family or friends will get sick of the same complaining at some point. Whats the point of venting after all if it gets repeated? Even the reward from it diminishes and it turns against you after awhile and you will be seen as cynical and negative. No one wants that type of responsibility and no one owes it to us to listen to our vents forever. You have a problem either try to seek advice for it to fix it or dont talk about it again and again. Thats not what friends are for. i know this sounds harsh but thats how relationships work. Yes you will not maintain the same level of contact with your friend in future because life happens and people get their priorities reshuffled and you will not hold the same importance to them as you once did. It is best to save venting for people in the same situation like yourself or keep it to this forum. Good luck

Exactly. Other people cant really save you from yourself. I wish people can stop blaming others for not helping them enough and instead focus on solving their own problems.

I don't share your opinion. I think in my case the dosage is the problem.(Sometimes it is like loggorhea.) I think friends should listen to problems and my friends do that. Though I don't know how to solve the thing about repetitiveness. Sometimes my problems have another focus. Like currently I have 2 new problems.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Family or friends will get sick of the same complaining at some point. Whats the point of venting after all if it gets repeated? Even the reward from it diminishes and it turns against you after awhile and you will be seen as cynical and negative. No one wants that type of responsibility and no one owes it to us to listen to our vents forever. You have a problem either try to seek advice for it to fix it or dont talk about it again and again. Thats not what friends are for. i know this sounds harsh but thats how relationships work. Yes you will not maintain the same level of contact with your friend in future because life happens and people get their priorities reshuffled and you will not hold the same importance to them as you once did. It is best to save venting for people in the same situation like yourself or keep it to this forum. Good luck

Exactly. Other people cant really save you from yourself. I wish people can stop blaming others for not helping them enough and instead focus on solving their own problems.

I agree. What do these people expect their friends to do to help them exactly? What specifically? In my case, my friends cannot undo 20 years of bad decisions…

 

[Snake of Eden]

I agree. What do these people expect their friends to do to help them exactly? What specifically? In my case, my friends cannot undo 20 years of bad decisions…

People here just seek validation about their own issues. They want to be told that they are right about their own plight and everyone else is at fault. I dont really have anything else to add other than keep doing what you are doing and see how it turns out for you in the end.

I don't share your opinion. I think in my case the dosage is the problem.(Sometimes it is like loggorhea.) I think friends should listen to problems and my friends do that. Though I don't know how to solve the thing about repetitiveness. Sometimes my problems have another focus. Like currently I have 2 new problems.

there this is arabic saying: "if your friend is made of honey dont lick all of him". I will leave it at that

 

[Disco Biscuit]

It's a brutal truth but it's draining to be around emotionally needy people who have no interest in solutions.

A true friendship or relationship is more than the sum of its parts and this requires both people making a contribution to the relationship. It shouldn't be about one person depleting the other of their psychic or physical resources until there is nothing left. Relationships like this are very unhealthy. Obviously in deep and long-lasting friendships and relationships, people are prepared to give a lot more of themselves if their friend or partner is going through a difficult time but this is often in the knowledge that they would do the same if the situation was reversed.

I'm not saying this is what you are doing op, but whether consciously or unconsciously and fairly or unfairly, it's human nature for people to put up boundaries if they start to feel they are energetically giving a lot more than they are able to or feel comfortable with.

 

[noname223]

It's a brutal truth but it's draining to be around emotionally needy people who have no interest in solutions.

A true friendship or relationship is more than the sum of its parts and this requires both people making a contribution to the relationship. It shouldn't be about one person depleting the other of their psychic or physical resources until there is nothing left. Relationships like this are very unhealthy. Obviously in deep and long-lasting friendships and relationships, people are prepared to give a lot more of themselves if their friend or partner is going through a difficult time but this is often in the knowledge that they would do the same if the situation was reversed.

I'm not saying this is what you are doing op, but whether consciously or unconsciously and fairly or unfairly, it's human nature for people to put up boundaries if they start to feel they are energetically giving a lot more than they are able to or feel comfortable with.

I think you have a point. However I also listen a lot to their problems when they have one and try to give advices. Though the relationship is probably assymetrical.
In the beginning I always asked them if I bother them by writing so much in this chat group. They always said it is okay. They said they can easily ignore the chat if it is too much. I was absolutely okay with that. This has now changed apparently.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Everyone has their own problems to deal with. Lending an ear is one thing but being around someone who is constantly down also makes you feel miserable. People want to feel happy and want to be around others who are happy. The quickest way to lose friends is to bum them out.

 

[canna2]

It's a brutal truth but it's draining to be around emotionally needy people who have no interest in solutions.

A true friendship or relationship is more than the sum of its parts and this requires both people making a contribution to the relationship. It shouldn't be about one person depleting the other of their psychic or physical resources until there is nothing left. Relationships like this are very unhealthy. Obviously in deep and long-lasting friendships and relationships, people are prepared to give a lot more of themselves if their friend or partner is going through a difficult time but this is often in the knowledge that they would do the same if the situation was reversed.

I'm not saying this is what you are doing op, but whether consciously or unconsciously and fairly or unfairly, it's human nature for people to put up boundaries if they start to feel they are energetically giving a lot more than they are able to or feel comfortable with.

I don't understand the "giving" things you're talking about or the energy drain. At all.

This must be for very senstitive people to talk about this subject.

Everyone has their own problems to deal with. Lending an ear is one thing but being around someone who is constantly down also makes you feel miserable. People want to feel happy and want to be around others who are happy. The quickest way to lose friends is to bum them out.

People are s**t

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

People here just seek validation about their own issues. They want to be told that they are right about their own plight and everyone else is at fault. I dont really have anything else to add other than keep doing what you are doing and see how it turns out for you in the end.

I'm 100% certain there are many people here who are victims of abuse or misfortune. And they deserve tremendous sympathy. And maybe there's even some advice they could gather from conversations here.

 

[Zzzzz]

I have close friends who are willing to listen and a sister who is willing to listen… I think most of these people however want me to finish complaining and begin coming up with solutions… I don't think they're comfortable with me telling them I'm not interested in a solution… I'm interested in ending things- So, in my case, that's why I don't really share with these people… I only really want to share with somebody who is in the same boat that I am…

Yes.people have unrealistic expectations. They want solutions. They want us to conform. I have a solution. AKA suicide. I don't talk about my personal feelings with anybody IRL anymore. I just tell people that I'm still trying to figure things out.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes.people have unrealistic expectations. They want solutions. They want us to conform. I have a solution. AKA suicide. I don't talk about my personal feelings with anybody IRL anymore. I just tell people that I'm still trying to figure things out.

They want to talk about solutions because they're tired of listening to complaining… I don't blame them. There's only so much complaining a person wants to listen to… Especially if they're not feeling suicidal… However,If you find another person who is suicidal you can probably talk to each other all day long without mentioning any other "solutions…". That's why this forum exists

 

[Zzzzz]

They want to talk about solutions because they're tired of listening to complaining… I don't blame them. There's only so much complaining a person wants to listen to… Especially if they're not feeling suicidal… However,If you find another person who is suicidal you can probably talk to each other all day long without mentioning any other "solutions…". That's why this forum exists

Usually these types of people are also too selfish too think suicide is a good idea. These types will tell you to stop complaining about your problems but don't kill yourself for THEIR sake. People are desperate to control how others live and die but won't make the hard sacrifices required to keep them alive. It takes a lot of work to help save a suicidal persons life. Most people aren't willing or able.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Usually these types of people are also too selfish too think suicide is a good idea. These types will tell you to stop complaining about your problems but don't kill yourself for THEIR sake. People are desperate to control how others live and die but won't make the hard sacrifices required to keep them alive. It takes a lot of work to prevent suicide. Most people aren't willing or able.

If somebody really wants to commit suicide how is a friend or a family member supposed to stop them exactly? What kind of help are they supposed to give? What kind of sacrifice are they supposed to make?

 

[Zzzzz]

If somebody really wants to commit suicide how is a friend or a family member supposed to stop them exactly? What kind of help are they supposed to give? What kind of sacrifice are they supposed to make?

If someone's homeless and their family is well to do, give them.... I don't know, perhaps a roof over their head? Suicide has less to do with mental illness and more to do with the cruelty and lack of kindness people have for each other imo. And real life problems instead of what's in someone's head only. Many families can do nothing, but in that case they should not dare blame the suicidal person for wanting to be free from suffering.

 

[Lost Magic]

To be honest people are really to much for me. That's why I prefer to stay as a loner. I try to help when I can but there is only so much a mentally ill person can do and there is only so much they can do for me too. I know that this world has unlimited suffering. I don't want to pretend that all is well and rosy when it is not. Catching the bus is the only option. There is nothing more I want than that apart from the basics of human survival and a bit of peace and quiet before then.

 

[thisplaceisaprison]

I don't think most people are in a position to where they have the emotional capability to handle hearing about someone else's suffering all the time. I don't think that I could talk to my friends about it because I can't really manage hearing one of my friends talk about her suicidal thoughts every time we hangout - not because I don't care, but the advice I offer she doesn't take, I don't seem to comfort her, she doesn't take her medication and I'm not a doctor not am I her so I'm not sure if it helps when she's on it. There's only so much a friend can do, I stay over some nights to talk to her and give her company, sometimes I try to talk about my thoughts about it and she kind of overshadows all of my thoughts and feelings which I don't really talk to my other friends about it because I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or like I think my problems are bigger than theirs like she makes me feel. It's a complicated subject, but also that's why a lot of people go to therapy instead of talk to friends about the heavier things

 

[Rabhen]

I think they are right. Still it hurts. I send them daily a lot of messages how I suffer, why I suffer and my daily struggle in general. My best friends have much empathy and understanding. However it seems like a crossed a line. 2 of my best friends (I have 3) say it is too much. One said I should question myself if my behavior is good. I find it a bit unfair. When he felt bad he always asked me to send him audio messages. (Tbh I felt a bit used for that of him but I did it anyway.)
I just need a place to vent. I am glad this place exist. My friends say it is all so repetitive. Which might be true some struggles of mine are really not new.
Not sure what I should do now. I am so used to vent in our chat group. I will feel even lonelier now.
I would never quit my friends. However I think our contact will be way less when they all find gf's and work. The friend who said I should question myyself had barely time for us when he had a gf. But when the relationship broke he came back again. Still he is a very good friend. I am just angry at him for the moment.
My friends are the one of the best things that happened in my life. Though I think in the future our contact could become less. Maybe I am dead before this happens. It is hard to reduce the contact. But when they wish so I will have to do it.

this is why I have no friends, they can tell me their woes, don't want to hear mine or they cannot believe mine are real and iI must be lyig or exagerating, friends, who needs them

 

[jkfromfaraway]

You can always talk freely here. That's what we're here for. I hope you've found a clan in this.

 

[Red]

It's a weird one, letting it all out.
When it builds up and echoes constantly around your head, letting it go external for a moment flips it out into the world and makes it visible in cold, hard daylight.
It gets distorted, rattling around in the darkness of you own head, and sometimes it needs extracting and examining from an outsider perspective to actually see it for what it is.

Generally when I vent, it's hearing it out loud that clarifies my own position to myself. I can see it from that outside perspective - getting constructive feedback on it is generally a bonus. Hearing (or reading) it beyond the confines of my own head puts it out on the table for an all-angle examination…

And you know what? I hate hearing it as it comes out of my own mouth, so I can easily imagine just how distressing it might feel to someone else who doesn't quite understand and feels useless to help. I spoke to an online chat helpline the other day n honestly got bored with my own story halfway through and ended up apologising to the volunteer after a few minutes, wishing them a good evening and promising to "go do something constructive"

Venting is a useful tool, it just needs to be utilised properly. Self examination, and of course communicating to others as best we can, can be very constructive in working through things. You just got to be careful about repetition, as anything repeated too much becomes tiresome to anyone - hear the same story too often and you don't care to listen to the ending.

IDK I get bored of myself and my whining so try not to say the same words about my plight every time I say it. A rephrase sometimes can lead to a revelation. Time with friends should be a pleasant distraction rather than an extension of the loneliness you feel the rest of the time, IMHO.

Give yourself a break and allow yourself to have a bit of fun and laughter, if only for a few minutes! Even if it's a bit of dark humour it's a step up