My aunt says suicide is selfish

[Braindead Atheist]

People keep saying that suicide is selfish. Unfortunately it seems this is a common belief. My aunt got mad at me and said I'm selfish if I'm ok with putting her through my suicide. I tried to explain that it's more complicated than that and I'd be dealing with the crap I deal with for the rest of my life vs if I did this people I knew would grieve for maybe a year.

She didn't understand that analogy and said that I'd be sorely mistaking if I thought she'd get over it in a year. But I tried to explain that she'd eventually get over it and I already put up with more than my share.

No I don't want to do this to other people, but I also have had about all I can take. I deserve to do what's best for myself too. I know I'll have more issues with jobs if I stay, so I'm going to buy SN and do it after I say goodbye to the people I care about. I care a great deal about many people and I will repay their kindness with gifts.

 

[FuneralCry]

No matter what other people say, the truth is that there could never be anything wrong with suicide, none of us are obligated to continue existing and should have to stay here a second longer than we wish to. I think that the real selfish thing is forcing people into this existence in the first place, as doing such a thing only leads to unnecessary suffering. Grief and loss are just an inevitable consequence of choosing to bring life here.

 

[justwanasleep]

Some people are so self righteous they struggle to even see straight. I have an auntie similar to yours she gives me loads of inspiration on what not to be like. Fuck her, you do you.

 

[jodes2]

Welp, I always say. Suicide is selfish. But it's equally selfish to expect someone not to CTB. It's equal. One person's desires not to have their life destroyed, Vs another's person's desire to end their destroyed life. So who gets to choose? Who gets to win? There's only ever one winner. Except when someone dies, multiple people lose. All the people that person knew. Versus just one person, the person who would CTB. The answer for everyone to win, is to choose recovery, and succeed. But it's not always practical, or fair. There are different types of pain. Different certainties of duration. It's hard to judge. Very hard. All you can do is try recovery, and if it doesn't work, think carefully about CTB. Very carefully. Then make a decision, and repeat, until either you feel well enough, or until you e decided you need to CTB.

 

[SamTam33]

There's worse things one can be besides "selfish."

I'm not sure when selfishness became the ultimate boogeyman.

It's not as if you're going to be deducted life points for being selfish.

Just like with everyone who uses that trope, she's more concerned with how she'll feel versus how you feel.

Oh well. I'm selfish. Consider it one of my character flaws.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think people just don't REALLY understand what other people are going through. I supose none of us do. I suppose we all struggle to varying degrees and with varying levels of coping mechanisms. It's just SO many people belong to the: 'That's life- you HAVE to get on with it club.'

Honestly, I think there have been close family members of mine who have certainly wished for death at one point- whether or not they got close to suicide, I don't know. Still, I think part of the reason they didn't do it was to be there for me (I would have been a child at the time.) I suppose for me- that creates a sort of debt- so now ironically- I'm waiting on the last of them to go, so I can follow.

Honestly- yes- there is something selfish about suicide. It likely will upset people. It may well upset them more than a natural death. Still- I don't think many suicides are performed maliciously. The person doing it isn't looking to gain anything either- they are just so utterly desperate to escape.

It's just so sad that people don't see that but perhaps it's easier for them to feel angry. If they TRULY empathise with just how awful someone's life has to feel to get them to that stage- maybe they just couldn't handle it.

 

[Ernest1964]

I spoke about the ultimate decision a person can make is to decide when they are done with life. I am a high school teacher and one of my former students wrote that he thought that suicide is selfish. My response was that as a teacher I have spent years and years giving of my talent and my knowledge to students around the world (I teach internationally) and after so much giving of myself... I don't think there is anything wrong with being a selfish. I've given my best to this life and when I decide it's over, I am not going to accept the guilt of others as my own.

 

[Mthom2]

The thing is, every single one of us has to die someday. There's absolutely no way around it. For those left behind, there will be emotional harm done most of the time. But death is absolute. We don't have that much control over it unless we ctb.

Your loved ones are going to suffer regardless. Personally, I've reached the point that I can't worry that much about it. All I can do is make sure they know I love them and take charge of my own life... and death.

 

[watchingthewheels]

People keep saying that suicide is selfish. Unfortunately it seems this is a common belief. My aunt got mad at me and said I'm selfish if I'm ok with putting her through my suicide. I tried to explain that it's more complicated than that and I'd be dealing with the crap I deal with for the rest of my life vs if I did this people I knew would grieve for maybe a year.

She didn't understand that analogy and said that I'd be sorely mistaking if I thought she'd get over it in a year. But I tried to explain that she'd eventually get over it and I already put up with more than my share.

No I don't want to do this to other people, but I also have had about all I can take. I deserve to do what's best for myself too. I know I'll have more issues with jobs if I stay, so I'm going to buy SN and do it after I say goodbye to the people I care about. I care a great deal about many people and I will repay their kindness with gifts.

But suicide, by definition, IS selfish:

suicide (n.)

"deliberate killing of oneself," 1650s, from Modern Latin suicidium "suicide," from Latin sui "of oneself" (genitive of se "self"), from PIE *s(u)w-o- "one's own," from root *s(w)e- (see idiom) + -cidium "a killing," from caedere "to slay" (from PIE root *kae-id- "to strike").

 

[Unending]

This sort of hits home for me because I had a similar conversation just a few days ago with a family member which left me feeling very misunderstood and exacerbated the feeling I experience of life being a prison.

I would say that both sides are selfish. The difference is that the suicidal person is within their right to be selfish considering that they are the ones who are making a decision for their body, not somebody else's. They are not infringing on anybody else's rights and what they're doing is completely within the bounds of their autonomy.

That being said, I know that the loss of a family member is devastating to go through in such a manner, which is why I can't get myself to go through with it yet. I have a few things I want to finish before I leave that also increases the urge to wait but yeah, the real problem is the devastating guilt I carry.

I'm sorry about what you're going through. I understand your Aunt's perspective and empathize with her as well, but I don't think this is fair to guilt trip suicidal people at all.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I feel it is selfish from the standpoint of if you have others who care about you, you are only considering your feelings and not theirs. It is selfish because you are making a decision that is best for you and ONLY you.

 

[jamie_]

It is selfish, so what? So is the rest of world that's why I'm here in the first place.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

This sort of hits home for me because I had a similar conversation just a few days ago with a family member which left me feeling very misunderstood and exacerbated the feeling I experience of life being a prison.

I would say that both sides are selfish. The difference is that the suicidal person is within their right to be selfish considering that they are the ones who are making a decision for their body, not somebody else's. They are not infringing on anybody else's rights and what they're doing is completely within the bounds of their autonomy.

That being said, I know that the loss of a family member is devastating to go through in such a manner, which is why I can't get myself to go through with it yet. I have a few things I want to finish before I leave that also increases the urge to wait but yeah, the real problem is the devastating guilt I carry.

I'm sorry about what you're going through. I understand your Aunt's perspective and empathize with her as well, but I don't think this is fair to guilt trip suicidal people at all.

You know I totally agree with your viewpoint. And I do really try to see it their way. It is selfish, but not by much. It's more taking care of yourself first and putting other second, but not in a way to where you're intentionally trying to hurt someone. I think in my own case, I tried to push and stay through the suffering and make life work. And I tried for about a decade of wishing it were over. I understand that people will be sad, distraught and disappointed, but that's how I've felt for the majority of the time for over a decade. They'll get over it, people are good at leaving.

 

[LateForTheBus]

Sure, it's a bit selfish. But what I think is even more selfish is people wanting us to stay, even though we are absolutely miserable, so that they won't have to grieve. Why is their pain more important than ours?

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

You can do and say things that can be perceived as selfish, doesnt mean it is. Its all about your perspective on it.

If your aunt wants you to suffer for the next 10, 20, 30 years so she doesnt have to.... I say thats selfish.

 

[ksp]

My aunt says suicide is selfish

she would be entitled to her own opinion, if her opinion includes the word 'my' - as in: 'my suicide is selfish'
she has the right to live her life until the end of her natural death, whatever that entails (both happiness, and suffering)

that would imply that you are entitled to your own opinion, about your own life

 

[lionetta12]

People keep saying that suicide is selfish. Unfortunately it seems this is a common belief. My aunt got mad at me and said I'm selfish if I'm ok with putting her through my suicide. I tried to explain that it's more complicated than that and I'd be dealing with the crap I deal with for the rest of my life vs if I did this people I knew would grieve for maybe a year.

She didn't understand that analogy and said that I'd be sorely mistaking if I thought she'd get over it in a year. But I tried to explain that she'd eventually get over it and I already put up with more than my share.

No I don't want to do this to other people, but I also have had about all I can take. I deserve to do what's best for myself too. I know I'll have more issues with jobs if I stay, so I'm going to buy SN and do it after I say goodbye to the people I care about. I care a great deal about many people and I will repay their kindness with gifts.

I told my mom in september that her threats and abuse is making me more suicidal than I already am and she's pushing me off the edge, she then lectured me about how suicide is selfish and stupid.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Tell her to fuck off. I don't find suicide selfish at all, we tried living this life and the way it is these days is just unbearable. Being ignored, lonely and have nothing in life to make us smile. We are expected just to accept it all and be happy with that. One thing I keep hearing lately is "Be happy, you woke up today" Mother fucker, I DIDN'T want to wake up today, ever thought of that? Go fuck your mother!.. I don't like suicide because it's sad to see a person I can relate to go away forever, but at the same time I can't blame anyone for not wanting to reside in this terrible society longer than they have to. Been told by my mother "I brought you into this world out of love" Yeah, YOU did, I didn't ask to be here. Some parents or family dont understand their loved ones who suffer. can't speak for everyones family, but mine honestly couldn't care less about myself or my life. If ANYTHING parents are the selfish ones bringing us into a world that NEVER wanted us in the first place.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

No matter what other people say, the truth is that there could never be anything wrong with suicide, none of us are obligated to continue existing and should have to stay here a second longer than we wish to. I think that the real selfish thing is forcing people into this existence in the first place, as doing such a thing only leads to unnecessary suffering. Grief and loss are just an inevitable consequence of choosing to bring life here.

I couldn't have said it better myself

Tell her to fuck off. I don't find suicide selfish at all, we tried living this life and the way it is these days is just unbearable. Being ignored, lonely and have nothing in life to make us smile. We are expected just to accept it all and be happy with that. One thing I keep hearing lately is "Be happy, you woke up today" Mother fucker, I DIDN'T want to wake up today, ever thought of that? Go fuck your mother!.. I don't like suicide because it's sad to see a person I can relate to go away forever, but at the same time I can't blame anyone for not wanting to reside in this terrible society longer than they have to. Been told by my mother "I brought you into this world out of love" Yeah, YOU did, I didn't ask to be here. Some parents or family dont understand their loved ones who suffer. can't speak for everyones family, but mine honestly couldn't care less about myself or my life. If ANYTHING parents are the selfish ones bringing us into a world that NEVER wanted us in the first place.

I told my mom in september that her threats and abuse is making me more suicidal than I already am and she's pushing me off the edge, she then lectured me about how suicide is selfish and stupid.

She should try being you or someone else on this site

 

[Hopeliss]

yeah suicide is selfish. so what. it's also selfish to prevent someone from CTB just because you don't want them to. the only selfless thing for them to do is reach out and help solve the problems that cause you wanting to CTB in the first place. If she truly cared about you your aunt could use all her power in the world to help solve your problems. Instead she just berates you

 

[EqualibriumWithin]

People keep saying that suicide is selfish.

to some people it is, and i hate how they word it that way, to their perspective sure, it is selfish. but whats more selfish is using that as a bludgeon to guilt people to stay..

My aunt got mad at me and said I'm selfish if I'm ok with putting her through my suicide. I tried to explain that it's more complicated than that and I'd be dealing with the crap I deal with for the rest of my life vs if I did this people I knew would grieve for maybe a year.

this is actually a good point you make, especially since its based on statistics too in the background. at most, people tend to grieve for 1-2 years, and thats how the cycle of grievence works. denial, acceptence, reflection, and improvement. while they may grieve every year around the time of a persons passing onwards, that pain goes away over time as they go through those stages and becomes significantly less.

No I don't want to do this to other people, but I also have had about all I can take. I deserve to do what's best for myself too. I know I'll have more issues with jobs if I stay

i would suggest taking the perspective of whats truly right for you, and if people cant accept it, that is their loss. however i will be direct in saying that its not going to be easy, anyone you may remotely tell, even vaguely. are likely to not understand and could try to convince you otherwise, if you truly believe it deep down inside, follow your heart, not whatever others try to convince you into. its your life, not theirs. your choices, your rules, your consequences. this WILL result in people abandoning your side, dont let that dissuade you. this is your choice. and if they cant handle reality, they were never really people who truly cared in the first place

 

[Havic228]

My Aunt committed Suicide last year and it destroyed my family

 

[Braindead Atheist]

My Aunt committed Suicide last year and it destroyed my family

I'm so sorry for your loss. It wasn't your fault, it was her life and her choice. Let me know if you need anything

You can do and say things that can be perceived as selfish, doesnt mean it is. Its all about your perspective on it.

If your aunt wants you to suffer for the next 10, 20, 30 years so she doesnt have to.... I say thats selfish.

Exactly my point. I'd suffer for the rest of my life and she'd get over it in a couple years. I deserve better than this life. I hope that it'll be over soon.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

People keep saying that suicide is selfish. Unfortunately it seems this is a common belief. My aunt got mad at me and said I'm selfish if I'm ok with putting her through my suicide. I tried to explain that it's more complicated than that and I'd be dealing with the crap I deal with for the rest of my life vs if I did this people I knew would grieve for maybe a year.

She didn't understand that analogy and said that I'd be sorely mistaking if I thought she'd get over it in a year. But I tried to explain that she'd eventually get over it and I already put up with more than my share.

No I don't want to do this to other people, but I also have had about all I can take. I deserve to do what's best for myself too. I know I'll have more issues with jobs if I stay, so I'm going to buy SN and do it after I say goodbye to the people I care about. I care a great deal about many people and I will repay their kindness with gifts.

suicide can be 'selfish', but thats not necessarily a bad thing. it can also be selfless. just depends on your own personal reasons. like wanting to escape your own suffering would be 'selfish', but thats a valid reason to ctb imo. and a lot of ppl ctb bc they feel like a burden and think others in their life would be better with them gone. that is a deeply selfless reason

 

[Braindead Atheist]

Welp, I always say. Suicide is selfish. But it's equally selfish to expect someone not to CTB. It's equal. One person's desires not to have their life destroyed, Vs another's person's desire to end their destroyed life. So who gets to choose? Who gets to win? There's only ever one winner. Except when someone dies, multiple people lose. All the people that person knew. Versus just one person, the person who would CTB. The answer for everyone to win, is to choose recovery, and succeed. But it's not always practical, or fair. There are different types of pain. Different certainties of duration. It's hard to judge. Very hard. All you can do is try recovery, and if it doesn't work, think carefully about CTB. Very carefully. Then make a decision, and repeat, until either you feel well enough, or until you e decided you need to CTB.

I can't recover because the same crap keeps happening. Even if I got over it, it would just happen again, so there really is no fucking point. I won't be able to make it out on my own because I get bullied and fired at every goddam job I fucking take. It's literally a fuck fest out there and I don't fucking care anymore.

I went out of my way to try to make things work for myself but they never did. I wish I could wake up and have someone else's brain, body and life. It would be so nice to be smart enough to have not only a job, but a good job that's stimulating and pays well. But that's to good to happen to me.

Success, and fortune are for other people and life has made that pretty clear. I don't think I ever had a chance. I try and strategize over and over but jobs only give me so much time to get the hang of it, so it doesn't fucking matter. I have no choice but to ctb.

I love my friends and my family means well, but there's just no way to make this work. I'll stay as long as I can for them, but it's just going to be another punch in the face. I'm scared of the ctb pain and the nothingness after dying, but if this is what's best then I'll take it.

 

[cristaleyez]

I agree with the sentiment that it is selfish, but so is forcing someone to be alive. In my opinion, it isn't bad to be selfish sometimes. We deserve to prioritize ourselves, after all, if you're the only one left in your life, who else is going to care for you?

 

[vexei]

People keep saying that suicide is selfish. Unfortunately it seems this is a common belief. My aunt got mad at me and said I'm selfish if I'm ok with putting her through my suicide. I tried to explain that it's more complicated than that and I'd be dealing with the crap I deal with for the rest of my life vs if I did this people I knew would grieve for maybe a year.

She didn't understand that analogy and said that I'd be sorely mistaking if I thought she'd get over it in a year. But I tried to explain that she'd eventually get over it and I already put up with more than my share.

No I don't want to do this to other people, but I also have had about all I can take. I deserve to do what's best for myself too. I know I'll have more issues with jobs if I stay, so I'm going to buy SN and do it after I say goodbye to the people I care about. I care a great deal about many people and I will repay their kindness with gifts.

I can't stand when people say it is selfish, my ma will say that shit and it pisses me off because I shouldn't have to be held hostage here.

 

[WeepingWillow]

Selfish, maybe... But so is making someone stick around suffering who doesnt want to be here anymore.

 

[Rob1984]

Suicide is a very complex issue. Reducing it down to one word (like your aunt did) is oversimplifying the complexities of the issue. I would not say she is entirely wrong- there are definitely cases of suicide that appear to be quite selfish. For example, parents who commit suicide when their children are young and depend on them- I find that to be a pretty selfish act. But to reduce the entire topic of suicide into one word, as if it can ultimately give justice to every nuance involved, is very naive. Life is not black and white. Suicide is not black and white. Suffering is often multi-faceted. There is a reason very intelligent humans for hundreds of years have argued over the ethical dilemma of suicide- it's because it is not a simple and straightforward issue. Your aunt, unfortunately, does not realize how complicated suicide is, or else she wouldn't chalk it up to such a rudimentary view. Growing up, my parents treated depression the same way. Their perception of depression was insultingly elementary, and they thought it was as simple as flipping a light switch in my brain.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

Suicide is a very complex issue. Reducing it down to one word (like your aunt did) is oversimplifying the complexities of the issue. I would not say she is entirely wrong- there are definitely cases of suicide that appear to be quite selfish. For example, parents who commit suicide when their children are young and depend on them- I find that to be a pretty selfish act. But to reduce the entire topic of suicide into one word, as if it can ultimately give justice to every nuance involved, is very naive. Life is not black and white. Suicide is not black and white. Suffering is often multi-faceted. There is a reason very intelligent humans for hundreds of years have argued over the ethical dilemma of suicide- it's because it is not a simple and straightforward issue. Your aunt, unfortunately, does not realize how complicated suicide is, or else she wouldn't chalk it up to such a rudimentary view. Growing up, my parents treated depression the same way. Their perception of depression was insultingly elementary, and they thought it was as simple as flipping a light switch in my brain.

People just don't see our side of things. They don't allow themselves to have prospective on the issue because society is so against suicide. People think there's a solution to most problems and that things will look up. It's very black and white indeed. Not everyone's situation gets better and there isn't always a solution.

The world and laws of reality work a certain way. Ever notice how most good things are to good to actually happen and completely unrealistic?

Bad things just seem to be the norm for some people, but again it really depends on the circumstances. Most people in the U.S and U.K will be born of average intelligence in a household that makes about 50k a year. Theres a good chance they will have maybe one or two siblings. And about a 50% chance their parents will divorce and for most of them, that's the worst thing that will ever happen to them.

But for people born with serious issues, abusive parents or low income; a chain reaction of terrible things happen most of their life.
I'm retarded and get bullied and or fired at every job I take. My parents expect me to live on my own soon and Idk what to do, because it can take years to get disability. I also have mood issues and a metabolic condition called pcos. The discomfort can leave me bed ridden and the weight issues are unbearable. Oh BTW there's no fucking cure.

For my mood issues, I've been to countless abusive psych wards and have taken meds with awful side effects. In elementary school I was bullied by the nun and principal for drawing in class. I was told things would get better after my last suicide attempt, but I got abused and fired over and over at different jobs.

The only thing I'm capable of is art/design and there's no way to make a steady income off of that. Art only reminds me of trauma and how what I went through because of it was for nothing.
My circumstances are permanent and things would have gotten better if they were going to. I did think about my friends and the people I care about, and that's why I stayed for this long.

I spared their feelings for a long time. Besides most people outside my immediate friend group don't have time to talk anyways. And a large number of people would rather never talk to people like us again than listen to our "negativity".

So if most people want nothing to do with us anyway, then who's it really hurting to CTB? Thinking about it logically, when I do this, it will benefit me because it's just going to be over. Other people will be sad, but they'll get over it. There's more harm in living than dying.