My attempt failed and now I'm back up here

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I hung myself yesterday and couldn't go through with it because of SI and now I'm sad because life sucks.
I find life unbearable but feel so stunned that I wanna wait for a next attempt because hanging is not as easy as it looks like.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry your SI was in the way and disturbed your attempt. Welcome back! :-)

 

[idonothing]

Welcome back. There's no shame in not being able to go through with it. It's an indescribably difficult thing to do. I've been practicing hanging myself and working up the courage to fully commit and it is so hard. Hanging is definitely a challenge. I really relate to you.

 

[rozeske]

Am sorry to hear that. Were you going for partial or full?

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Am sorry to hear that. Were you going for partial or full?

Partial and failed with that one to get it right because my positioning was wrong.

 

[rozeske]

Partial and failed with that one to get it right because my positioning was wrong.

Am sorry, I hope things go well for you am going for partial too if I can manage

 

[FuneralCry]

I just find it horrible how people have to resort to methods like hanging in the first place and cannot have the option to just cease existing in peace when they wish to. It's cruel how it's so difficult to leave this existence with people having to struggle so much to die, I certainly understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

None of the methods are easy as all of them are in one way or another subject to SI. Was it the position of the noose not compressing the right area then?
Sorry to hear that like us you're still suffering.

Yes the noose was compressing the right area and this was the final thing leading to failure :(

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I find life unbearable but feel so stunned that I wanna wait for a next attempt because hanging is not as easy as it looks like.

I think, now you have particularly difficult time. I'm so sorry.
I tried partial in 2014 and I lost my consciousness several seconds after I started to compress my carotid arteries. Then I regained consciousness somehow, SI kicked in and I removed the knot from my neck. I don't remember how I felt then, and I might be lucky - that was unbearable feeling I guess.

I think people who didn't complete their attempt need extra care from others - so we are here. Welcome back Tokugawa-dono. Please take care

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Tokugawa-dono, I'm really sorry for what you went through but the selfishness in me is pleased to see here. Si is quite something to get past, I liken it to being kept hostage against your will, as your body knows you're trying to ctb and will do anything to fight against it. This is something very, very difficult to do so please don't feel any sadness over it. Take as much time as possible to think about it.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I think, now you have particularly difficult time. I'm so sorry.
I tried partial in 2014 and I lost my consciousness several seconds after I started to compress my carotid arteries. Then I regained consciousness somehow, SI kicked in and I removed the knot from my neck. I don't remember how I felt then, and I might be lucky - that was unbearable feeling I guess.

I think people who didn't complete their attempt need extra care from others - so we are here. Welcome back Tokugawa-dono. Please take care

I attempted full hanging in 2014 once... I was 12 back then and my suicidality started back then. I was at my former primary school ground at 3 in the morning and hung from a swing. I think that my trachae was pressed in and I felt panic. Then I untied myself and stopped... that was my first suicide attempt.

Tokugawa-dono, I'm really sorry for what you went through but the selfishness in me is pleased to see here. Si is quite something to get past, I liken it to being kept hostage against your will, as your body knows you're trying to ctb and will do anything to fight against it. This is something very, very difficult to do so please don't feel any sadness over it. Take as much time as possible to think about it.

Hello Goku there,

I like to see you here again as well despite my wish to die. You know that instincts and will power are not the same and I think it's natural for living creatures to have a hard time over coming them. It would be hard trying not to sleep as well.

 

[UnwindingStar]

I'm more afraid of this SI thing then actually going thru with CTB.

 

[girl2910]

I'm so sorry your attempt failed

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I'm more afraid of this SI thing then actually going thru with CTB.

That is the hardest part and the only part about it that can it unlikely. Technically you could CTB by a painful method but then SI kicks in way too hard.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

CTB is scary. All methods are scary. So there's no shame in feeling afraid, anxious, or nervous about it.

Some of us have attempted a lot in the past but we're still afraid. So much fear that the fear keeps us living. It's interesting to think about. There's just as much fear as there is hope keeping suicidal ppl alive.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Hello Goku there,

I like to see you here again as well despite my wish to die. You know that instincts and will power are not the same and I think it's natural for living creatures to have a hard time over coming them. It would be hard trying not to sleep as well.

They are definitely hard to overcome as we are biological machines built to survive at all costs. I'm happy to see you even if things are as they are.

 

[Mayonaise]

It's perfectly understandable that you want to wait before attempting again. If you can, try to get some rest as you're probably emotionally drained - meds should help you with that.
Attempting must be hard by itself, not to mention a failed attempt. I feel honestly sorry for you, but with such a method it's best to fail than suffering permanent damage.
You still have time, if you decide to attempt again you can practice some more and learn from your mistakes.
Wish you well whatever you decide to do.