Venting My Apartment is a Pigsty

[Sonnenblume]

This is a junk post, don't bother unless you're bored...

I mean it's beyond filthy disgusting, I'm in too much pain and too tired to bother cleaning up though. Is it ok to just leave it as is before I go, you guys think? I hate this place anyways, the landlord's more like a slumlord. On the other hand, leaving it as is does make me look a bit crazy, to say the least. But it's a lot to fix, I'm not even sure I can manage, and I'm already overwhelmed thinking about the "big event", so to speak.

 

[voyle]

You might be mentally clinging onto it while attempting to kill yourself. "I left some things that I should've done" this thought may just make it a bit harder to do it. It's perfectly OK to just leave it. It won't matter the moment you are dead.

I myself will be dead in about 12 hours. I'll just clean everything - leave a note with funeral instructions + leave money for it - leave money for some people(I already gave away a lot of it in the past 2 weeks). I'll then just do it.

Just do every single thing that you think may make it harder to kill yourself.

To be honest no one will really care, If you leave it like that or clean it up. They will just move on. They will call the police and someone to clean it up. You killing yourself would seem reasonable based on your posts(mental image of you based on your post) in other human's eyes. Your life really isn't worth living. You are not worth much - as a human - not talking only about money. You'd have to do it in public in order to bring attention - I know that you are not able to do it. It'll be just "puff" there goes another one. Most likely only a couple of people will care - and only because they have to take care of your body/clean your room up etc. not because they care about you as a human.

Visualise someone else in your position - what would you do/think of him/her If you found their body. Try to think objectively.

 

[Sonnenblume]

You might be mentally clinging onto it while attempting to kill yourself. "I left some things that I should've done" this thought may just make it a bit harder to do it. It's perfectly OK to just leave it. It won't matter the moment you are dead. I'll be dead in about 12 hours. I'll just clean everything - leave a note with funeral instructions + leabe money for it - leave money for some people(I already gave away a lot of it in the past 2 weeks). I'll then just do it.

Just do every single thing that you think may make it harder to kill yourself.

To be honest no one will really care, If you leave it like that or clean it up. They will just move on. They will call the police and someone to clean it up. You killing yourself would seem reasonable based on your posts(mental image of you based on your post) in other human's eyes. Your life really isn't worth living. You are not worth much - as a human - not talking only about money. You'd have to do it in public in order to bring attention - I know that you are not able to do it. It'll be just "puff" there goes another one. Most likely only a couple of people will care - and only because they have to take care of your body/clean your room up etc. not because they care about you as a human.

Visualise someone else in your position - what would you do/think of him/her If you found their body. Try to think objectively.

Thank you forr your honesty, I appreciate it. Yes my life is shit and not worth anything to me. You'd be surprised how many people did expect me to live this shit life though, all my ex frriends (that's why they're ex), my cunt mother, the mental health assholes around here. I don't know if they're crazy or just sadistic. If I saw someone willingly living a life like mine I'd be repulsed and embarrassed for them and think, "geezz, does this silly cunt have no standards?" lol

 

[voyle]

Thank you forr your honesty, I appreciate it. Yes my life is shit and not worth anything to me. You'd be surprised how many people did expect me to live this shit life though, all my ex frriends (that's why they're ex), my cunt mother, the mental health assholes around here. I don't know if they're crazy or just sadistic. If I saw someone willingly living a life like mine I'd be repulsed and embarrassed for them and think, "geezz, does this silly cunt have no standards?" lol

\

I know that it may be hard in your last moments, but I think that you should try to forgive these people. You will get a full clarity in your mind and peacfully kill yourself. You need to try to stop clinging onto anything before killing yourself. You need to understand that it's not their fault that they are the way they are. The thing that you identify with that person has no power. They can't pick their parents and any of the circumstances surrounding their birth/childhood. All of their decisions/actions are predetermined by "nature"."assuming there's only physical world - even, if there are other ones - the argument will be somewhat similar and correct/make sense - assuming that logic makes sense in the other". There's no point in being angry/cursing them.


You can always tell yourself stories like - it was all to develop spiritualy as a soul/god/awarenes. The harder the life was/is the better for you. You just need to try to have a total peace in mind and just accept the death. It's perfectly fine to just go blaming everyone and feeling super sad, but in my opinion it's better to just get everything in order - in your "mind".

 

[Sonnenblume]

Oh I know they can't help themselves, there's no free will, we're just biological machines, etc... I don't hate em, just annoyed I wasted my time with them. The right to die stuff isn't the only reason I disliked most of them. They were plenty obnoxious in other ways lol. But yeah it isn't worth thinking about in the end.

Yeah I can't bullshit myself like that, good or bad.

 

[voyle]

we're just biological machines

This may not be true. We can't really be 100% sure about anything. In this world this makes sense - in the other (not saying it exists/just a possibility - where logic is not present - it may not.) Maybe there is a way to explain it logically and I'm just not smart enough/aware on how to do this. There are limits(Might be self-imposed) to the ways we think/are able to think. We are living in the world were nothing became something. Argument "nothing" itself is a thing - a word etc. is quite dumb in my opinion. There may be things that I'm just not able to perceive as a human.

 

[Sonnenblume]

This may not be true. We can't really be 100% sure about anything. In this world this makes sense - in the other (not saying it exists/just a possibility - where logic is not present - it may not.) Maybe there is a way to explain it logically and I'm just not smart enough/aware on how to do this. There are limits(Might be self-imposed) to the ways we think/are able to think. We are living in the world were nothing became something. Argument "nothing" itself is a thing - a word etc. is quite dumb in my opinion. There may be things that I'm just not able to perceive as a human.

Nothing would be as hard to explain as something, thoujgh I don't really want to get into a physics debate at this point. Just too tired. We know evolution is true, beyond a reasonable doubt. So, imo, it's perfectly reasonable to say we're just biology.

 

[voyle]

It's the main force in this world - that's true. It's just like the "god" argument. God created eveything - what created god - what created the thing that created the god etc.. I'm not sure, if there's a possibilty to explain a thing like this logically.

 

[Aity4883]

Personally I like my room to be super clean and organized. Makes me feel better.

 

[Sonnenblume]

Personally I like my room to be super clean and organized. Makes me feel better.

I used to be like that too but as I'm physically deteriorating I just can't care anymore.

 

[Sonnenblume]

I don't expect anyone to care but I cleaned up my stupid apartment, well, at least to the point I don't look totally batshit crazy lol

 

[Fylobatica]

That's nice. My room is so basic that not even dust dares to settle. It keeps itself free of dirt. That's for the best, because most of the time I barely have the strength to blow dry my hair, spring cleaning can wait

 

[Sonnenblume]

That's nice. My room is so basic that not even dust dares to settle. It keeps itself free of dirt. That's for the best, because most of the time I barely have the strength to blow dry my hair, spring cleaning can wait

I don't have much stuff, I'm basically a minimalist, and I'm generally not messy. But, lately, I'm perpetually sick because of my condition. Without going into horrific detail that causes a mess even when you don't have much.

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

Bump